


Seasons of Change

by ExistentialMalaises



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Coming of Age, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Nostalgia, Slow Burn, Teenagers, be prepared, focus on friendship(s) and love, it's rated mature for a reason., thinking back to better times, you're getting a huge story here with bigger and shorter chapters...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 51,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentialMalaises/pseuds/ExistentialMalaises
Summary: "... She tries to discern the faces of the ones she will soon battle, when she spots that familiar yellow jacket. It has always been her trademark. Then it only takes a couple of seconds before she also notices him. The glint of his visor is almost blinding to her sight and it makes her heart beat faster. Hovering above her former best friend and high school sweetheart brings back more memories than she could have possibly imagined. The familiarity of their faces makes her wonder whether their hearts sometimes ache for a time when circumstances were simpler, when life was easier and their bonds were still strong..."A retrospective look at how meaningful relationships were formed, then grew deep, and eventually fell to pieces.





	1. About A Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. I've been working on this story for a while now! I wanted to show a stint of time for Reader at the X-Mansion. You can expect a lot of chapters, some will be bigger than others filled with fluffy, smutty and angsty moments since life is filled with all of those. 
> 
> I want to thank my bestie who helped me keep things straight in my head when my ideas ran all over the place or disappeared completely. You're amazing and kept me going. Thank you. 
> 
> To you, my dearest reader, I wish you a good reading experience!
> 
> For more information, updates and/or questions feel free to follow my tumblr (http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com)

The darkness creeps around her as she suspends herself above the X-Mansion. The night is cold, just the way the world has been since she left this place. She inhales deeply, trying to ready herself for what is about to happen, and looks at the two clusters of mutants that are nearing one another. The discordance between the humans and mutants has come to an all-time high, culminating in the deadlock between the mutants with opposing ideologies. Mutants have never been this divided before, amongst one another, and against mankind. The moon slowly reappears from behind the clouds and casts its light on the immense backyard of the mansion. She looks down at the gathering. The cluster she belongs to, the one that arrived from the woods, comes to a halt. She can see that her leader, Magneto, is now communicating with her old professor. She sighs. Though she once called this her home, now she could barely recognize it. The building has gone through so many reconstructions, because of unfortunate, tense circumstances and mostly lots of explosives. Situations not so different from this one. 

She tries to discern the faces of the ones she will soon battle, when she spots that familiar yellow jacket. It has always been her trademark. Then it only takes a couple of seconds before she also notices him. The glint of his visor is almost blinding to her sight and it makes her heart beat faster. Hovering above her former best friend and high school sweetheart brings back more memories than she could have possibly imagined. The familiarity of their faces makes her wonder whether their hearts sometimes ache for a time when circumstances were simpler, when life was easier and their bonds were still strong. She tears her eyes away from him and looks back at the professor. She thinks back to when she was still so young, so naive, and so new at the X-Mansion... 

“Professor” **–** she gazed through the windows at the backyard **–** “I don’t think I’m ready for others to know my ability.”

“I see.”

“It’s just that I don’t want to be a freak,” She explained.

“There is no need to feel that way here, [Y/N]. At the School for Gifted Youngsters you are among **—** ”

“I-I know, but I’m not ready,” She finally looked in Professor Xavier’s eyes. “I’m, euhm, sorry for interrupting you.”

He smiled. “There is no need for that either.”

His reassurance still didn’t put her mind at rest. Being a teenage almost-killer with unlimited powers isn’t something that others naturally accept.

“You’re not a killer,” Professor Xavier said to her after reading her thoughts.

“Almost-killer,” She replied meekly.

 “That was a mere accident. The girl is alive and well. You had only just obtained the power to control the air. You didn’t know you’d be depriving the girl of hers…” The professor tried.

  _It was such a sick and twisted way to discover a new affliction,_ she thought. Her earlier discoveries had gone much smoother. She found out she could read other people’s minds, her first ability, by slowly having strangers talk to her in her head until the noises became overbearing and she ran away in the middle of a conversation during her lunch break at high school. She ran all the way into the woods until the voices had subdued. Ok, so previous experiences generally hadn’t been that great, but usually she was the one suffering instead of someone else suffering at her hand. Her latest curse had brought on a whole new range of emotions, mainly consisting of feeling like a soulless freak.

 “You’re much too hard on yourself,” The professor intervened again.

 “Tell that to my parents,” She scoffed, and then regretted scoffing at the headmaster on her first day at her new school and home.

 “Your parents will need some time to adjust, but they love you. They sent you here to give you a place where you can feel and be at home.”

 After she had almost literally taken the girl’s breath away, her parents didn’t look at her the same way. She didn’t blame them. She couldn’t look at herself the same way anymore either. When she had realized what she was doing, it had taken her several moments before she had gathered herself and had released her grasp on the girl. Scared and ashamed she had run away like she had often done when she discovered a new affliction. Unfortunately, this time the incident happened in front her parents when they were crossing the street, and they saw her for who she really was. _A mutant. An aberration. Something to fear._ And they _were_ afraid of her, she saw it in their eyes. She wanted to avoid that look from now on, so she chose to keep that side of her hidden, even at the X-Mansion.

 “Give your parents some time and space. They will come around. And in the meantime, we can work on how to control your powers better, and on how to limit the effects or your initial reaction when you obtain a new one. Does that sound good to you?” The professor reassured her again.

 “I’ll do my best. Thank you for finding me, professor.”

“You are very welcome. Do you have any other questions or requests? Are you going to be ok?” Professor Xavier asked while he guided her towards his door.

“I’ll be fine, professor. I’m very resilient,” She tried to sound confident. 

“Good. Good. If you have any questions or troubles, please come see me.” He opened the door and left his office with her.

She nodded. “Will do.”

“Ah, Jubilation. Could you have a word with us?” He motioned for her to come over.

Jubilee turned her face towards the professor then looked to her. “Oh, see you guys later,” she said to a group of students who casted their glance towards the professor and [Y/N] before resuming their conversation into another room.

Amongst the group was a tall boy, who stood out because he was blue. He gave a friendly smile. She had never seen anyone blue before, except for the mutant on the tv-screen. The one who had saved them all. _Maybe they were related?_ Then she noticed the boy with the sunglasses standing behind him. _Who wears those indoors?_ His demeanor seemed less friendly. _Must be the glasses._

“Yes, professor Xavier?” Jubilee stood in front of the professor and [Y/N].

“I would like you to meet Ms. [Y/N] [Y/L/N].”

“Call me Jubilee,” she smiled brightly at [Y/N], who returned the gesture.

“Didn’t you mention you needed extra credits the other day, Jubilation?”

Jubilee nods.

“[Y/N] is a new student here. She’s in the same year as you are,” he continued, “I would appreciate it if you could show her around the mansion. Give her a friendly welcome.”

“You got it, professor.” Jubilee smiled again.

“Excellent. Good luck, [Y/N],” the professor returned to his office.

“Uh, thank you, professor.”

“You got the whole welcome-to-the-school-of-the-gifted-speech, huh?” Jubilee asked.

“Yeah, I sure did.”

“I remember how overwhelming that was. I mean, it was almost a decade ago and I was a kid back then, but I totally remember it being overwhelming,” Jubilee offered.

“You’ve been here for a decade?”

“Yup, I’m what you call an old-timer, newbie.”

[Y/N] chuckled.

“Well, come on. Let me show you the sights.” **–** Jubilee moved away from professor Xavier’s office **–** “You got your papers, right?”

“Right here,” She grabbed some documents from her bag and showed them to Jubilee. 

“Let’s see,” Jubilee rummaged through the papers until she found [Y/N]’s dorm information. “Ah, here it is. Your room isn’t too far away. We just have to go up a floor.” She walked towards the elevator.

“How many floors does this place have?” She asked.

“Uh, about four that we have access to.”

“So there are floors we don’t have access to?” She questioned. “I wonder what they do on those.”

“I’ve got an inkling,” Jubilee said under her breath.

“Euhm, the stairs are over there, Jubilee.”

“You don’t have to tell me, newbie. You’re just getting all the ins and outs of this place.” She retorted.

[Y/N] was able to study her surroundings as they approached the elevator. The stairs were grand and wooden; a description befitting for the whole mansion. The hallways on the ground floor seemed to lead towards common areas filled with students and loud noises. _Must be rush hour._ Her newfound acquaintance went over [Y/N]’s class schedule as she pulled up the sleeves of her neon-yellow leather jacket.

“Here we are,” Jubilee had led her down the hall on the second floor. “This should be your room.”

[Y/N] entered the key that she received from professor Xavier in the lock, and opened the door. “Yup, seems to work,” she peered inside noticing two twin beds. “Ah, I’ve a roommate!”

“Most of us do,” Jubilee responded. “Hope you get lucky with yours.”

“This is really nice,” [Y/N] entered her dorm. The sun shone through the big windows, castinga warm, golden light over the brown room. The doubled furniture looked stately and comfortable, just like the rest of the mansion. She walked towards the empty desk on the left and dropped her bag. “I guess this one is mine.” Turning to Jubilee she asked, “Aren’t you coming in?”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Jubilee sat down on the unused bed next to [Y/N]’s desk and fixed her ponytails. “You’ll have to settle down another time, though. We’ve got class in 15. Last class of the day. Physics by Mr. McCoy, and he’s super punctual.”

“Physics?” She grimaced, “ugh, I was hoping we wouldn’t have to take those kinds of classes here.”

“Yeah, if only!” **–** Jubilee grabbed a Juicy Fruit stick **–** “Want one?”

“I’m good, thanks,” She looked around. “I don’t even have any books.”

“Think again! They’re prepared,” Jubilee walked towards the two bookcases. The right one that stood next to the right desk was filled with books, pictures and notes, but the left bookcase only had one row filled with books. She popped a bubble, then pointed to a big grey book, “This one.”

“Thanks, Jubilee. You’re a lifesaver,” [Y/N] smiled.

“Yup, that’s me.”

“Ok, I’m ready. Lead the way,” She placed her Physics book in her bag and briefly glanced in the mirror. _Yup, everything still is in the right place. I’m not looking like a total murderous freak. It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did ya like it? Lemme know via kudos or in the comments ^_^ Thanks for reading!  
> Check out [my tumblr](http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com) if you want.


	2. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] gets to know the gang, and has a little bonding moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Here's the second.. in which other X-Men characters are introduced, so I figured this was also the moment for random namedropping! Oh right, so as we all know Kurt has an accent... and I wrote that into the story, haha. Hope it's still easy to read! Enjoy :)

 

“I don’t think public school prepared me for this class. At all,” [Y/N] said to Jubilee as they walked out of the classroom. 

“I doubt anyone is ever prepared for Mr. McCoy’s classes,” Jubilee wrapped a comforting arm around her new friend. “Unless you’re Scott,” she added. 

“Who’s that?”

“The only person I know who gets excited about Physics.” 

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I mean, he also likes Mathematics, so basically everything.”

The girls blended into the rushing crowd of students who made their way down to the dining hall. Jubilee grabbed [Y/N]’s hand and pulled her into the library. She had never seen a school library so big before. She walked in further to admire the high wooden bookcases on the left and the study areas with tables, chairs, and murmuring students on the right.

“Wow, it’s so huge,” She was in awe. 

“You get used to it,” Jubilee said as she walked towards the librarian, who hushed her. “Sorry!”

[Y/N] looked at the a couple of students who were taking a seat at one of the tables after what was probably a long and laborious day for them. _They’re surely still trying to get some studying done now that everyone’s going to eat. They’re smart. And insane. Food always comes first._

“Alright, I’m done. I’m hungry, so I’ll explain the practical stuff later, ok? Let’s go eat instead,” Jubilee offered a bright smile. 

“Way more important.”

Jubilee was right. After seeing the library, [Y/N] was a little less impressed with the dining hall.It was just as beautiful, grand and brown-toned as the rest of the place, but all of that fell to the background due to the large number of students and faculty practically fighting for food. _The food must be good here_. 

“This is also nice,” She commented. 

“You see, you got used to the grandeur!” Jubilee looked around. “Oh, my friends are over there, but let’s grab some food first.”

“Hey Jubilee! Who’s the new girl?”

“Hi Kitty. This is [Y/N]. She’s new here. Obviously.”

“Hey, new girl!” Kitty replied. 

“Euhm, hi! Nice to meet you.” She answered as she continued following Jubilee to the food counter. When they arrived at the counter and waited for their turn, she slowly started to understand why everyone was rushing. The food looked and smelled delicious. She eyed the many different dishes and drinks that were served and had a hard time picking. In the end, she went for a safe bet: macaroni and cheese. _That can never go wrong._

“Oh, look.” Jubilee whispered. “That’s Mr. Maximoff, but we call him Peter. He’s new here like you, but he’s a teacher. My favorite one, actually. Teaches PE. You’ll like him, for sure. Everyone likes him.” She continued as she grabbed her now full tray and made her way to her friends. 

“Your favorite class is PE?” [Y/N] followed suit. 

“No, he’s just my favorite teacher. Though, I do love gymnastics and martial arts.” 

“Wow, that’s cool!”

“Totally! Do you do any sports?”

“Well, I used to do some gymnastics too but I’m not terribly good at it. I’m more… inactive when it comes to…. moving.”

“Ha! Right. What do you do then?” Jubilee was entertained. 

“As little as possible?” She joked again, which got her a laugh from Jubilee. “Nah, I’m in my head a lot, I guess. I try to put that on paper by drawing. I really like drawing. And, euhm, I’m not as fashion-forward as you, but I do enjoy it.”

“Oh, you look great! And fashion: yay! We’re going to be good friends. Tell me more!”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just your typical things. I’m totally normal and average.”

“I doubt that! You’re at the X-Mansion after all!” 

“Well, yeah, I definitely can’t deny that!” [Y/N] looked around again.

“Anyways, meet my friends,” Jubilee stood still in front of a round table with three seated students who stopped talking. “Hey guys!”

“Hey Jubilee! Vo’s your nev friend?” the blue boy had a thick German accent.

“This is [Y/N]. She’s new here and I’m showing her around,” She told her friends. “That’s Jean. She’s really cool and she knows everything. No hiding there.” 

“Jubilee, please.” Jean smiled. 

“Oh, ok. Nice to **—** “ 

“That’s Kurt. He can teleport. And that’s Scott. He likes Physics.”

[Y/N] laughed, “Right. Nice to meet you all.”

“Wait, what?” Scott asked confused. 

“Nice to meet you, too.” Kurt stood up and shook her hand. “Please, join us.”

“Thanks,” She sat down next to Jean and Jubilee. 

“Where are you from?” Jean was the first one to break the silence. 

“Bridgefort, Connecticut. Pretty busy, but mostly boring. What about you guys?” 

“I’m from New Jersey.” Jean replied. 

“Oh, that’s close to New York City. How awesome!” [Y/N] smiled and looked at Kurt expectantly. 

“I’m from Germany,” he said whilst stressing his accent. 

“Right, of course.”

“Anchorage, Alaska,” Scott replied when [Y/N] made eye contact with him. 

“Euhm, seems cold?” 

“Not always,” Scott didn’t offer anything else, and the table became quiet again. 

“Well, I don’t know where I’m from since I was a foster child for most of my life. Thanks for bringing back those bad memories,” Jubilee said.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t **—** ”

“Totally kidding, [Y/N]. I’m from Beverly Hills. You shoulda seen your face,” Jubilee grinned. 

“You’ll get used to Jubilee’s sense of humor,” Jean gave Jubilee a disapproving look. 

“I had to break the ice somehow,” Jubilee countered. 

“Yes, the ice iz broken,” Kurt agreed happily. “Hov vas your first day?”

“It was good. Jubilee’s been really helpful and kind.” Jubilee tried to smile as she took a bite of her burrito. 

“And vat about your classes? Do you like your teachers?” Kurt continued. 

“Well, I can think of more fun things to do,” She smiled at Kurt and the rest nodded along. 

“Yeah, we like to have fun,” Jubilee added whilst chewing. 

“Oh, what kinds of things do you do around here? Seems kinda shut off from the rest of the world.” She asked Jubilee. 

“Well, there’s a mall not too far from here. We go there a lot. Scott made some sorta vague deal with professor Xavier” **–** Jubilee gave Scott a look, who smirked back **–** “so we can _borrow_ his car from time to time.”

“Wow, I’m impressed,” She took a bite of her macaroni and cheese. _Oh my god, so good!_

“You should definitely join us next time. Right guys?” Jean said. 

“Oh, wow, thank **—** ”

“Uh, sorry, [Y/N], right?” A tall, blonde-haired boy had approached the table. “Hi, I’m Bobby. Could we talk for a minute?” He looked around the table, and greeted Jubilee. 

“Euhm, ok, sure,” She got up, gave Jubilee a perplexed look, and followed Bobby. 

“So, I mean, [Y/N]’s a pretty young thing and all, but I wasn’t expecting her to get scooped up that quickly,” Jubilee joked, then took another bite of her meal, and saw that [Y/N] nodded to something Bobby said and then walked with him to another table. 

“What’s the scoop?” Jean asked turning Jubilee’s gaze back to the table.

“Like you don’t already know.” Jubilee smiled. 

“Actually, no. I got nothing,” Jean seemed confused. 

“Huh, I’ll have to ask her about her powers,” Jubilee made a mental note. “Ok, uh, she’s pretty nice. She seems a bit unsure about being here, though. Oh, and she hates Physics. That became super clear to me in class,” Jubilee listed.

 

——————————

 

“Oh my god, you have the coolest ability ever!” [Y/N] said to Kurt after he teleported her and Jubilee to one of the towers of the X-Mansion. 

“It can be uzeful,” He replied, sounding humble. 

“Euhm, it’s freaking fantastic! Can you teleport to anywhere you want?”

“It’s freaking cold outside!” Jubilee added. 

“Zat’s Zeptember for you. Vant me to keep you varm?” Kurt put an arm around Jubilee. 

“Well, this isn’t weird,” Jubilee shivered. 

“Anyvays, I can teleport to places I have been before or can imagine… but zomething that is fery far avay, does become more difficult. You knov?” Kurt responded to [Y/N]’s question whilst rubbing his arm against Jubilee. “And vith more people it is alzo difficult,” He added. 

“Oh, all the mischief I would be up to…” [Y/N] thought out loud. 

“I like the way your mind works,” Jubilee reacted. 

“Can you imagine the amount of pranking? And then just ZAP, you’re gone. It would be marvelous.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do zat.” Kurt said. 

“Trust me, he couldn’t. Scott and I tried to play around with Kurt’s abilities here, but he’d just end up apologizing to people afterwards!” Jubilee explained. 

“Well, I guess there’s some fun in that too,” [Y/N] looked at Kurt’s happy face and she laughed. 

“Ja, it was not zat funny.” 

“It definitely was!” Jubilee protested. “Now that we’ve shown you most of the mansion, what do you think?” 

“It’s, euhm, big?” [Y/N] replied. 

“A woman of many words, huh, newbie?” Jubilee laughed and [Y/N] blushed. 

“Yeah, I mean, it looks cool. Way cooler than my home! I like the sitting areas. The parlor looks comfortable, I guess. I don’t really think a lot about stuff like that…” 

“Oh, I’m just pulling your leg!” 

“Vat does zat mean? You are not pulling her leg?” Kurt asked. 

[Y/N] and Jubilee smiled at Kurt. “It means I am only kidding, Kurt. Not that I am literally pulling her leg.”

“Oh! But vhy the leg?” Both [Y/N] and Jubilee raised their shoulders. “No clue,” They said in unison. 

“Jinx!” Jubilee quickly added. The two girls exchanged smiles and Kurt looked confused again, but remained silent. 

“And the view from here is amazing,” [Y/N] said after a moment of silence. The three students walked towards the edge of the tower and looked over the backyard that disappeared into the dark-green woods, separating the X-Mansion from the human population. _This place really is like a world on its own_ , [Y/N] thought. _Maybe the professor is right. Maybe I will be able to fit in here after all_.

 


	3. This Charming Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott's a bit of an accidental douche.

 

It only took a few days before [Y/N] was settled and the ice had completely broken. She had met her roommate Jessa, a blue-eyed blonde with whom she had little in common, but who was nice enough. She came from Illinois and had an accent that was pleasing to [Y/N]’s ears. One of her first questions had been what [Y/N]’s power was, so she said the same thing she did to Jubilee: telepathy. After picking that ability she had instantly regretted it, because going for an ability that can intrude on someone’s privacy definitely wasn’t the best way to go about making new friends. Now she was stuck with it though. _It beat being the freak who can absorb any mutant ability_ , she concluded. At least it gave her something to bond over with Jean, who gave her advice on how to shut other people’s thoughts out more effectively, and it had worked. She was eternally grateful. 

Come Monday, she had made sense of the layout of the X-Mansion and had to ask less and lessfor direction, which was a good thing, because interrupting strangers made her feel anxious. Theclasses were the same boring classes she took at her previous high school. This caused her a great deal of distress. Luckily, the professors were generally welcoming and understanding of her situation, since she was a latecomer in the semester. 

The following week, she was slowly starting to bond with Jubilee and her group of friends. It had been a bit harder to make friends during classes, but Jubilee had really taken [Y/N] under her wing, and Kurt was always around to partake in fun activities or help her in any way he could. It wasn’t long ago when he felt like the outsider at the X-Mansion, and he felt fortunate that his friends were there for him, so he related to what [Y/N] must be going through, and wanted to do the same for her. Things seemed to be working out, and [Y/N]’s mind wandered less and less to that awful situation that brought her to the mansion in the first place. 

“He’s usually here on Monday afternoons. I’m totally not stalking him. I just figured out a pattern by accident,” Jubilee explained. 

“Totally,” [Y/N] smiled at the sudden change in behavior in Jubilee.

After getting to know each other better, Jubilee and [Y/N] broached the topic of love interests.At first the girls weren’t very forthcoming with each other about their crushes until they bonded over mutual celebrity crushes. As it turns out, River Phoenix and Kevin Bacon were loved by all. After they had gone through that list, the girls turned to crushes they had had on boys in the past, and the ones they have now, which brought them to the library.

“Complete and total accident,” Jubilee went on. “Oh, there he is.” She suddenly whispered. 

“Where?” [Y/N] started looking around the library. 

“Oh my god, look away. Look at me!” Jubilee panicked. 

“Sorry, too obvious?” Jubilee nodded to the question. “I’ll be more subtle.” [Y/N] said. 

“Ok, over there. Don’t look right away. He’s looking at books in the Social Sciences section. He’s wearing a red shirt. Do you see? Tall, dark, buzz cut.” The librarian shushed Jubilee and gave her a stern look. “Sorry, dude!” She rolled her eyes and headed for the door of the library again with [Y/N] following closely behind her. 

“I saw him. He’s cute. He looked really invested in that book,” [Y/N] looked back at him. “So, do you talk to him a lot?” 

“Not really,” Jubilee walked towards the sitting room. “He’s a year above us, so I don’t get a lot of chances to talk to him.”

“Why don’t you ask Jean to involve him in something you guys are doing next time? If he’s a year above you, she must know him.”

“Oh, I didn’t have to ask. Jean asked him to join the group on one of our trips to the mall, and it was a disaster.” Jubilee and [Y/N] sat down on a sofa. 

“Why?”

“Well, he barely noticed me. He kept talking to Kurt and Scott, and he just treated me like one of the guys. And, I mean, look at me. I’m not one of the guys, ok!” 

“You’re certainly not.”

“I know!” 

“You know, I kinda thought you and Kurt had something going on from the way he held you when we were outside.” 

“What?! Me and Kurt! No way.”

“Why not?” 

“Well, I’m not into him, first of all. And he’s definitely not into me… or any other individual of _our_  gender.”

“Oh!! I didn’t see that coming!” [Y/N] laughed feeling slightly embarrassed by her mistake. “Never mind then. Back to Everett, what are we going to do about the situation?”

“We? Do something about it?”

“In the little time that I’ve known you, Jubilee, you’ve not come across as a passive wallflower. And we’re not about to let that happen,” [Y/N] smiled reassuringly. 

“You’re right, but what _can_ we do?” 

“We’ll think of something. It’s not like we’re actually paying attention in Physics, anyways.”

“Totally impossible.” Jubilee agreed. 

 

—————————————

 

A couple of days later, [Y/N] walked into the study hall hoping to find Jean there. Jean had offered to give more advice on how to deal with telepathy. She got help from the professor, but he wasn’t always available, so she figured she might as well discuss the issue with another fellow-telepath. Most of the time she could handle the affliction. After all, it was the affliction that had been with her the longest, but some complaining and a support-system was never a bad thing. Instead of Jean she found Scott, who was seated at an empty table with books spread out in front of him. He looked down at his books with furrowed eyebrows. _He was studying again_ , she observed. One thing that [Y/N] had learned about Scott, which wasn’t a lot, was that he was usually studying or doing something productive with his life. _He’s so different from me_ , she joked. He had been the quietest of them all, at least to her, but when he did say something it was usually sarcastic or a cheeky joke, so he wasn’t all that bad. 

She couldn’t read his emotions by looking at his face. Actually, she couldn’t really size him up without having to invade his privacy, so she did not. Trying to do the right thing was really hard and it made her feel awkward around him, especially because he looked good with those red shades and an occasional smirk plastered on to his face. Good-looking boys always knew how to make her uncomfortable, no matter how confident she may have been feeling a second ago. 

She wondered if she should approach him. _He seemed so focussed_. Then again, she did not want to look around for Jean all day, and Scott usually hung out with her. _And it would be totally normal for me to talk to him outside of the group. I’m not a creeper_ , she tried to be rational. She took a deep breath and decided to give it a go. 

“Oh, hey, Scott.” She moved toward his table. 

“Hm,” he didn’t look up. 

“How are you?”

“What is it?” He snapped.

“Right, euhm, do you know where Jean is, she was going to **—** ”

“What do I look like? Her manservant?” His voice was dripping in annoyance.

“No, sorry. You two just seemed close…” [Y/N] was sorry about her rationality. _Stupid brain_. 

Scott looked up, regretting the tone of his voice, he opened his mouth to apologize, but she turned on her heels and quickly left the study hall.

“Shit, nice going,” Scott scolded himself. 

She decided to go to the library. At least there she wouldn’t have to communicate with anyone. The librarian would make sure of that. _How embarrassing_ , she thought. _How uncalled for. He may have been studying, and I may have interrupted him, but he didn’t have to be such a dick about it._ The more she thought about how Scott had behaved, the angrier she became. So angry that she spent her whole evening in the library going through her favorite books and avoiding people, trying to push away her thoughts. 

 

—————————————

 

In the short time she had been at the X-mansion, the parlor room had instantly become one of [Y/N]’s favorite areas to hang out. The sofas were big, plushy and comfortable, and the huge windows offered a gorgeous view of the backyard. She and Jubilee were quickly developing the habit of spending their evenings there, chatting the night away after finishing their homework, when they were still too awake to go to bed. 

“Hey, I was wondering how long you were gonna leave me hanging here,” Jubilee said when [Y/N] entered the parlor. 

“Sorry about that. Mathematics homework was brutal. I’m not sure I got any of it,” She plopped down next to Jubilee. 

“That will be something to look forward to.”

“You haven’t started yet? It’s quite a lot!”

“I will. Hey, where were you today for dinner?”

“Wasn’t really feeling social,” [Y/N] admitted. 

“How come?”

“I’m so behind on school, so I wanted to catch up a bit.” [Y/N] evaded.

“So it had nothing to do with Scott?” Jubilee pressed. 

“What, why?” [Y/N] wondered what Scott had said about his douchebaggery. 

“Hm, he asked about you. Wondered where you were. If I was going to be seeing you later,” Jubilee explained. “It seemed off.”

“Yeah, he was a jerk yesterday. For no reason. So, it’s probably related to that.” 

“What? What did he do? Do you want me to kick his ass?” Jubilee leaned forward. 

“Nah. I just asked him if he knew where Jean was, and that must have really annoyed him. Or I must be really annoying.”

“Or he’s just a dick,” Jubilee added folding her arms. 

“Or that,” [Y/N] smiled. “Anyways, let’s not focus on **—** ”

“Speak of the devil,” Jubilee gestured to Scott who walked into the parlor. “I kind of told him where I would be seeing you tonight.” 

He tensely walked towards the girls and rubbed his neck before asking Jubilee, “Could I have a second. Do you mind?” 

“That depends on [Y/N],” Jubilee shrugged. 

“Oh, it’s fine, Jubilee,” She said. 

“You got five minutes. I need to go the restroom, anyways,” Jubilee got up and walked away. 

“Hey,” Scott said. 

“Hey.”

“Can I sit?” He asked to which [Y/N] shrugged. He sat down, pulled up the sleeves of his blue shirt awkwardly, and said, “I really just wanted to apologize about yesterday. I was a real jerk and completely unfair to you.” 

“Ok…,” She looked at his sunglasses expectantly. 

“Uhm, I was having a bad day yesterday, and I tried to study to take my mind off of it. That obviously didn’t work. I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfires. It won’t happen again.”

“Ok, good. Thanks for apologizing.”

“Yeah, of course.” 

The two sat quietly for a couple of seconds, before things became awkward. She looked down at her hands not sure what to say or do next. This was the most he had consecutively spoken to her the last couple of weeks. 

“I, uhm, I should get going. See you at dinner tomorrow?” he asked. 

“You might,” She smiled and he nodded. 

“Goodnight.”

“Night,” She looked at him as he quickly got up and walked out of the parlor. _What made his day so bad that he would snap at someone for no apparent reason? And why am I so awkward? God!_ In her very limited experience around attractive boys, it had become clear to her that she didn’t know how to behave. She worried that if she would actually keep talking that she’d sound like a blabbering fool, so she chose to remain quiet, because that’s not awkward at all. 

“Did he apologize?” Jubilee asked after she returned. 

“He did.”

“Did we accept his apology?”

“We did,” [Y/N] smiled at Jubilee for using the plural pronoun. 

“Phew, that coulda been disastrous.”

“Big time.”

“So, I got news,” Jubilee said excitedly. “Remember that I’m taking classes in Martial Arts?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. He didn't mean to be a douche.


	4. Bad Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group takes a trip, and Jubilee and [Y/N] get to bond a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Happy reading :)

 Jubilee had invited [Y/N] to come watch her perform her Martial Arts moves in order to get her purple belt. She had been practicing for over a year now, and was proud of how fast she was advancing. The class was taught by the combat teacher, someone [Y/N] had not seen before, because she didn’t take any combat electives yet. 

“[Y/N]! Ve are over here!” Kurt waved at [Y/N] when he saw her enter. She was relieved to see familiar faces and walked towards the always-together-trio. 

“Hey guys! I’ve never been here before… Is this where you spend most of your afternoons?” 

“Yah, ve train here zometimes!” Kurt gestured her to take the empty seat next to Scott. 

She looked at the chair, then looked at Scott who decided to make eye-contact at that exact moment. “Hey,” She greeted again, feeling like a dork, and sat down. 

“Hi,” He replied before looking back to the mat where the instructor was going through the examination with the judges.

She sighed and pulled her sleeves over her hands. Despite the fact that he had apologized, he still hadn’t really warmed up to her yet, and she didn't know what to do about it. _Maybe he just doesn’t like outsiders as much. Maybe it’s me. Ughh, maybe he’s just stupid._ She got annoyed that she was thinking about this again. 

“Where’s Jubilee?” She asked the group. 

Kurt and Jean were in a conversation, so Jean elbowed Scott who answered, “Uhm, I think she’s up with the next group.” He gave her a quick glance, before looking back. 

Silence again. [Y/N] didn’t usually mind the silent gaps in between conversations, unless she felt awkward. Right now, she felt extremely awkward. She tried to think of possible topics she could bring up whilst they were waiting for Jubilee to perform, but they all felt pointless. She hoped Kurt and Jean would include her in the conversation, but they didn’t. Instead, she decided to be like Scott, and looked around the place to observe the different fighting materials, the beefy instructor, the emotionless judges, and the nervous students. _Way to be social._

She sighed again and leaned back, looking down at her feet. She saw his feet next to hers, and noticed that he was wearing Adidas shoes, and she didn’t really care for the brand. It was much too sporty and casual for her. Her eyes moved up over his blue jeans to his long-sleeved grey shirt, then to his arm and broad shoulders. Scott turned his face towards her just as her eyes had reached his neck, and his sudden movement made her eyebrows go up in surprise, shock _and_ embarrassment. She quickly casted down her eyes. _Fuck_. 

“She’s, uhm, here.” He said slowly while he pointed towards Jubilee. 

“Thanks,” She muttered as a faint blush spread across her face. 

“Are you ok?” His eyebrows were furrowed. 

“Yuhhuh….”

The instructor led Jubilee and her fellow-students through the test. Kurt explained that it was like a fast-paced version of a regular training session, and that Jubilee was very good at Martial Arts, so he felt confident she would pass. During and outside of classes Jubilee was much like [Y/N]: always all over the place conversation-wise, even when they were not supposed to be conversing. Now, however, was the first time that [Y/N] had seen Jubilee be so focused. Jubilee went through the performance with a swift determination that made [Y/N] feel impressed. By the end, it was a surprise to no one when the judges had passed her, and she received her purple belt. 

“We should celebrate,” [Y/N] suggested after Jubilee had joined the group, still in her uniform. 

“Yes, [Y/N]. Yes!” Jubilee added. 

“What should we do?” Jean asked. 

“I overheard some students talking about the New York State Fair? We could go there!” [Y/N] answered. 

“You’re just full of great ideas!” **–** Jubilee put her arm around [Y/N] **–** “I say yes!”

“We could go after dinner?” She suggested. 

“It’s at least three hours away,” Scott intervened. 

“Oh…”

“We could leave in an hour. It’s not like we’ve anything special planned today. Other than celebrating my awesomeness.” Jubilee countered. 

“What about curfew?” Scott brought up and Jubilee gave him a look. 

“He makes a fair point. Driving back and forth, we will never make curfew even if we leave in an hour” Jean said. 

“I mean, I was only suggesting. I figured, Jubilee only gets her purple belt once. Besides, fairs are super pretty at night. All those bright lights! But we could also go back to the mall!” [Y/N] said. 

“Do what we always do? Come on, guys! [Y/N] is right! Let’s change things up.” Jubilee added more peer pressure. 

“I love fairs,” Kurt stated. 

“So, it’s on? We leave in an hour?” Jubilee looked expectantly at Jean and Scott. Jean was the first to give in not wanting to rain on Jubilee’s parade. Scott remained quiet. 

“Oh, come on, Scott! You still remember what it’s like to break the rules, right?! It wasn’t that long ago.” Jubilee said cheerfully. 

“Ok, fine.” He finally conceded. 

An hour later everyone was seated: the girls sat in the back, happily talking about the rides they wanted to go on, the different snacks they had to eat, and all the prizes they were going to win. Kurt sat in the front listening to the girls amusedly, and checking in with Scott every now and then, who was driving them to the fair. Jean made sure she grabbed several snacks with her for everyone, because it was going to be a long ride, and she knew from experience that certain individuals would get cranky when not fed or hydrated enough. Kurt brought along a deck of cards to play Uno during the trip to stay entertained, so the car ride was over before they knew it. 

When they arrived it was in the afternoon already, and the air was fresh but comfortable. They would only have about five hours before the park would close, and so they wanted to make the most of it and try everything good that crossed their way. The first ride they went on was the bumper cars: Scott was tired from driving so he just held on to the car, smiling from ear to ear, whilst Jubilee adamantly attempted to bump into everyone. Jean and [Y/N] sat together in another bumper car, and tried their hardest to evade Jubilee’s tyranny. Kurt tried to turn the tables on Jubilee by gunning for her car, which caused several head-on-bumping and lots of laughter. 

The lingering daylight had disappeared, when Jean suggested going on the ferris wheel. It was one of the biggest [Y/N] had ever seen, and she was excited about seeing the fair from above, with the lights shining vividly and the people walking around happily. The carts only held four persons, so Kurt, Jean and Scott sat together in one cart, and Jubilee and [Y/N] sat in another. She hadn’t realized that darkness could be so beautiful when it was encircled by hazy flashes of light below and glittering stars above. 

“This is so beautiful,” She breathed heat into her hands. 

“It is. I’m glad to be here. I’m glad you’re here with me.” Jubilee smiled at her friend. 

“Aw, Jubilee. Thank you.” [Y/N] had never expected to form a friendship with someone as easily and comfortably as she had with Jubilee. 

“Really! I doubt we’d have done this if it weren’t for you.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ll have me.” 

“Oh, now, don’t be silly!” Jubilee gave her friend a quick hug to show her appreciation. 

Overall, trying out the many snack stands and fair food probably was [Y/N]’s favorite part, and it looked like Jubilee thoroughly enjoyed that too. So much so that Jubilee couldn’t go in any more rides after overeating. “Worth it,” She stated. They had tried everything from cotton candy to salty caramel-chocolate bananas, from hot dogs to chocolate milk, differently flavored hot popcorns, and the famous $1 potatoes from the potato booth. 

“Will you have mine, Kurt?” [Y/N] tried to get rid of her fried dough. 

“I can’t eat anymore. I vill exblode.” 

“Ughnnn, I still have so much candy left.”

“At least, you can save thoze for tomorrov!” 

The group tried to go on all the roller coaster rides they came across, and even caught part of a musical act on stage towards the closing. The day had ended too soon. [Y/N] looked back at the fair as they walked to the car, and tried to take in all the bright lights and happy feelings. She made memories here she wouldn’t ever forget about. For a whole day her mind was filled with pure joy, and she had never felt so carefree. 

“Man, we could have spent days at the fair. It’s so huge!” Jubilee commented.

“I doubt we’ve even seen half of it,” Scott agreed. 

“I’m glad we saw at least some of it, though. I’ve never been to such a fun fair before!” [Y/N] smiled widely at the two of them. 

“I’m glad too. Zanks for zinking of it!” Kurt shouted as he followed them. 

“Of course! Are you glad you went, Scott?” [Y/N] didn’t know why she asked him. 

“Yeah, I’m glad. It was really fun, and surprisingly educational.” **–** He gave her a small smile **–** “Now all we need to do is get back without being detected.”

“I’m sure Jean can help with that,” Jubilee smirked. 

“That’s not what my powers are for,” Jean’s voice came from behind them. 

“I’ll bear the consequences! It was worth it. Thanks, everyone! Also, shotgun!” Jubilee ran to the car door, and the others laughed at the sight of their cheerful friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time you'll get more Scott. Pinky promise. 
> 
> For more info and such check out my tumblr  
> (http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com)


	5. Eye Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] is trying to get a handle on school with a little help from a certain someone.

 

Classes were quickly becoming the main challenge in [Y/N]’s life, and she tried to balance it the best she could. She was never a fast learner, nor could she stay focused when she had to hammer things into her head until she was able to recite it. It made studying a long and boring process. She’d rather be inventing worlds in her mind and making those come to life in her drawings, but unfortunately fatigue and stress had quickly taken over her world. 

“I can’t stay long. Physics and Mathematics homework take ages with me,” [Y/N] said as she sat down at the dinner table, with her favorite meal, a dessert, and three drinks on her tray **.** _I’ve gotta stay hydrated, ok? Don’t judge me._

“Uhh, hello [Y/N],” Kurt said. 

“Oh, sorry. I’m stressed,” She began. “This is how I get when I’m stressed. I’m chaotic. I ramble. I eat.” She cut her meat and quickly chewed on a mouthful of food. “Hm, food.” _I’m so graceful. I shoulda been born afucking princess_ , she gulped when Scott looked at her.

“I alzo like to eat,” Kurt smiled taking a forkful of his salad. _His salad_. 

“Physics and Mathematics you said?” Jean asked.

“Uhuh,” [Y/N] nodded whilst chewing on a new bite. 

“Well, there’s an easy solution to that.” Jean continued. [Y/N] stopped chewing and looked hopeful at Jean. “Scott can help with that. He’s really good at it.” 

Scott took his attention away from his food when he heard the suggestion. He looked at Jean for a couple of seconds, before turning his gaze to [Y/N], giving her a faint smile. “I can help with that,” he confirmed.

“Vat a great idea!” Kurt agreed with Jean. 

“Really? I can do it on my own, though. I wouldn’t want you to feel obliged,” [Y/N] was hesitant. 

“I don’t feel obliged.” 

“Are you sure? Do you even have time to tutor me? You study _a lot_.” 

“Yup, and I don’t study _that_ much.”

“Not even,” Jubilee scoffed before starting a conversation with Jean about why Kathy Sullivan is her latest hero.

Kurt laughed patting his friend on the back, “Zey are right. You do study a lot.”

“Anyways, when do you have Physics and Mathematics?” Scott avoided the topic while Kurt munched on his salad. 

“Physics on Tuesdays and Mathematics on Thursdays.”

“When do you usually do your homework for those classes?”

“The day before…”

“No wonder you’re stressed,” Scott commented. 

“Hey, I’m sure I’m not the only procrastinator around. Besides, there’s just a lot to catch up on, ok?” [Y/N] felt defensive. 

“Ok,” Scott grabbed his organizer and scanned through it. “Sundays probably work best for me. What about you?” 

“Really? Do homework on a Sunday?” She gave him an incredulous look. As it often happened with Scott, she got a neutral look in return. “Ok, fine. I’ll take it,” she conceded. 

“2pm? Study hall?” He suggested, and she nodded. 

“So wait, who is Kathryn Hall?” [Y/N] asked the girls afterwards. 

“You watch TV on the daily, [Y/N]. How can you not know her?” Jubilee grinned. 

“Must have missed it.”

“She’s the first woman to walk in space,” Jean explained. 

“She _must_ be a mutant,” Jubilee added. 

 

—————————————

 

“[Y/N]! Wait up!” Scott ran after [Y/N], who was walking towards her dorm. She wondered why he would seek her out. _He never did that, and Sunday was still days away, so whatever he wanted to know he could ask at tomorrow’s dinne_ r. She stopped dead in her tracks and waited for him to approach her.

“Hey,” He said and she looked at him inquisitively. “You said you do your homework a day in advance.”

“Are you calling me a slacker _again_?” She smiled. 

“No! No, that’s not what I meant.” 

“I know,” Her smile grew big and he chuckled. 

“You said you’re stressed about mathematics, right? You have it tomorrow? So, if you want, I can help you with that for a bit.”

“Oh, but what about your own homework?”

“ _I_ don’t wait until the last minute,” This time he smiled and she raised her eyebrows amusedly. 

“That’s three times!” She warned jokingly. 

“I’m sorry” **–** He laughed **–** “I’ve got time. Want me to help?”

“Yeah, I’d really appreciate that. I’m super stuck. Just let me get my books.”

“Ok, I’ll meet you in the study hall in 10?”

“You got it!”

She walked towards her desk to grab the Mathematics book and notebooks that she had left behind messily in a hurry, but then she turned to the mirror to quickly look at herself. _No food in my teeth? Check! Hair not super messy? Ugh, uncheck. Not looking like a total dork? So unlikely._ She blew a lock of her hair out of her face and grabbed her books. 

She saw that he was seated in the back of the study hall, and she had a sudden memory of the last time she approached him in there. She shook the negative thought away and walked towards him, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in. 

“I got my stuff,” She sat down. 

“Cool, sit.” He gestured next to him, and she wondered if it was going to be like this every time. She might prefer hanging out with him when the rest is around. This made her feel too self-conscious. 

Fortunately that feeling seeped away as soon as Scott started discussing Levitzky's theorem. It’s not that he suddenly became boring or repulsive, but he was just so serious and reserved, sticking to the topics at hand, that she had to do her best to stay focused so she could understand. She didn’t want to come off as stupid, after all. Secretly, she was also thankful he wore sunglasses, because it meant she didn’t have to look into his eyes when he was talking to her, which made her feel less anxious. _This isn’t too bad. I could get used to this_ , she thought after they had said goodbye an hour later. She had begun to feel more comfortable around him and he had proven to be very useful: he created order out of chaos when it came to the mumbo jumbo known as algebra, and he even helped out with some of the assignments. She felt optimistic again, thinking school would be manageable after all, and went to bed that night with a light heart. 

Scott’s tutoring had not only made [Y/N] hopeful, but the structure that came with sitting down every Sunday to work on her schoolwork rather than procrastinating, gave her more free time to spend with her friends or on her own. She felt as though she could breath again, her inspiration to draw returned,and slowly she went back to being her carefree self. 

 

—————————————

 

Normally Jubilee and [Y/N] would arrive at the dining hall with the rest of the students, like little ants in a straight line making their way to their food. However, today they were able to get there early and they sat down at their usual table with their meal in their hands as the area started filling with hungry, loud students who were bustling about. 

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for Joan Jett, though.” [Y/N] told Jubilee.

“Why not? I rock.” 

“Oh, you totally do. I was just thinking of something more upbeat,” [Y/N] thought out loud.

“Well, you better believe it. I love women who kick ass,” Jubilee grabbed her carrot. 

“Me too! ‘Bad Reputation’ is my theme song.”

“Mine too!” 

“Say don’t they have parties here? There’s not that much to do on the weekends, other than us going to the mall on Saturdays and movie night on Sundays.” 

“You _want_ to get a bad reputation? We were lucky we didn’t get into trouble last time.” Jubilee joked. 

“No! But you know, ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’, or am I wrong?” [Y/N] laughed. 

“Nah, I’m with you. We don’t really have huge parties here. Usually, there’s just someone who sneaks in the sauce and throws a little party in their room, but it’s really hard to hide that from the professor,” Jubilee sighed. “This place has so much potential, though.” 

“I know! Hey, what about Pat Benatar?” [Y/N] asked.

“I love her. Her songs are ace,” Jubilee bit on her carrot. “Oh, hey!”

Kurt, Jean, and Scott had arrived and made their way to the table, each with a tray in their hands and worn out faces. “You two are early,” Jean plopped down on her chair. 

“Mrs. Brown had to be somewhere today, so we had the afternoon to ourselves,” [Y/N] explained. “You don’t have afternoon classes today, right? How come you’re later than usual?” 

“Combat training ran late,” Jean replied.

“It vas fery grueling,” Kurt opened his dessert. 

“Not going to eat your dinner, Kurt?” Jubilee eyed his plate.

“I am, but first I vill eat my pudding. I have earned it.” 

“I like the way you think,” [Y/N] said. 

“So what’s the plan for this weekend?” Scott joined the conversation.

“Just the usual, right?” Jubilee answered. 

“Anything good in the cinema? Kurt’s right. The last few weeks have been very intense. We need to let loose a little.”

“Let loose? At the mall?” Jean smiled. 

“Ah, well, you know. Just not be cooped up here all the time,” He explained. 

“ _Body Double_ is out right now” Jubilee responded to his question.

“Vat’s zat about?” Kurt asked.

“Beats me.”

“Sounds terrible, next?” Scott said. 

“ _Amadeus_ still is in the cinema, but you still don’t want to see that one, so…” Jean offered. 

“Yeah…, next?” 

“What about _Teachers_?” Jean tried again.

“Got enough of those here,” Scott took a bite of his dinner. 

“Dude, is there anything you do like?” Jubilee asked. 

He swallowed his food, “That _Terminator_ one. It’s a science fiction. I heard good things.”

“Everyone ok with that?” Jubilee looked around the table. Kurt seemed eager, Jean just nodded and [Y/N] shrugged. “Then I guess that’s settled. Letting loose with _The Terminator_.” **–** she looked at [Y/N] **–** “That the party of your dreams?” 

“Totally,” [Y/N] suppressed a giggle. 

“You know, _Dune_ is coming out next month. I saw the poster at the theatre’s last week. I’m excited about that one,” Scott said to Kurt. 

“Me too. Did you know David Lynch is the director? I love his movies. Ach! They are so veird,” Kurt commented. 

“No, I don’t know the dude,” Scott shook his head. 

“We also _have_ to see _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ ,” Jubilee said.

“Vat is zat one about?” Kurt asked taking a sip from his apple juice. 

“It’s about this guy with knives for fingers and a burned face who kills teenagers in their dreams. Or so I’ve been told,” Jubilee described enthusiastically. 

Kurt gulped, “I prefer Dune.”

“I’ll see both,” Scott grinned at Jubilee who returned the gesture.

“Me too!” [Y/N] added happily.

“It’s fine, Kurt. We can do something else. I don’t like scary movies either,” Jean reassured Kurt. “Especially not when they’re about murdering people in their mind.”

“Oh, we should probably decide where we’re going to eat at the food court before we leave or on our way there. Last time you girls took forever to pick a place.” Scott interjected. 

“Not even!” Jubilee protested. 

“At least fifteen minutes went by before everyone -meaning you three- could agree on KFC.”

“You kept time?” [Y/N] gave him an incredulous look. 

“Hell yes, I kept time. I was starving,” he had to laugh when Jubilee threw a piece of her carrot at him. 

From the corner of her eye, [Y/N] saw that Jake was approaching the table. He was a year older than her, so he wasn’t in any of her classes, but she had met him during her little research trips to the library. He usually hung out in the Foreign Languages section, which caught [Y/N]’s attention, because she was interested in taking up a foreign language as an elective the following semester. She was interested in Spanish and French, but couldn’t make up her mind, so she had been weighing her options together with him. 

“Hey [Y/N],” he said when he arrived at the table. 

Everyone became quiet and looked at Jake. “Hi Jake. How are you?” [Y/N] smiled at Jake, then looked back at the enquiring faces of her friends.

“I’m alright, what about you?” 

“I’m good. Just eating. What’s up?”

“Well,” **–** Jake looked at the others who were still listening in on the conversation **–** “remember what we were talking about the other day?”

“Yeah?”

“So I found something really rad, and I just wanted to show it to you.”

“Ok, sure.” [Y/N] smiled at Jake and was about to ask for more information when she heard Scott’s thoughts in her head. She glanced at him and saw that he was looking at his food as he played with it. _Why would he think that?_

“Cool, what about tonight?” Jake asked.

“Sorry?” [Y/N] snapped back to the conversation at hand. 

“Can I show it to you tonight?” [Y/N] nodded to his response. “Cool, the library. Our usual spot at 8?”

She smiled, “Yeah, see you there.” Jake grinned and turned around only to bump into Mr. Maximoff who gave him a funny look, “Oh, sorry, dude.”

“Wow, ‘your usual spot’, what was that about? You and Jake?” Jubilee immediately asked once Jake was out of earshot, and the others remained quiet. 

“What do you mean?” [Y/N] asked. 

“He’s obviously into you.”

“What? No! He was just talking about an article on why French should become an extinct language. He’s obviously for Spanish.” [Y/N] explained.

“What, who? Spanish?”

“Remember, I told you he was helping me decide between the two languages.”

“Yeah, a guy is helping you choose between two languages and brings you articles about it,then asks you to hang out with him. All because he has nothing better to do with his life…, or he’s into you.” Jubilee insisted. 

“No! That’s not the case. Look at Scott.” [Y/N] diverted the attention, and Scott looked up from his food when he heard his name. 

“What?” He said. 

“He’s helping me with my classes, and he’s not into me or expecting anything in return, or whatever your theory is, Jubilee.” [Y/N] said matter-of-factly, even though she wondered if that was true. _What could he have meant?_

Jubilee observed Scott, “What?” He repeated, now looking at Jubilee. 

“Hm, well, you’ll have to tell me what Jakey wanted exactly.” Jubilee conceded. 

“Obviously, I will.” 

“So that was my daily entertainment. Thanks for taking part in it. No more need for television,” Jean chuckled. 

“I aim to please,” [Y/N] smiled as she nudged Jubilee. 

 

—————————————

 

It was almost nine pm and [Y/N] knew that Jubilee was going to be waiting for her in the parlor, so she tried to rush back. “No running in the hallways, Ms. [Y/L/N],” Mr. Maximoff said.

“You’re one to talk,” She replied, then put a hand to her mouth in fear once she realized she was giving a teacher sass. “Euhm, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to **—** “

“Hah, well, you got me there. Still, no running.” He chuckled before he sped away. 

“It’s like the blind leading the blind.” She said to herself. 

When she walked in the parlor she found Jubilee staring out of the windows. There was a seriousness on her face that she didn’t often see. Plopping down on the chair across from Jubilee, she asked, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. I was just thinking. The moon looks beautiful tonight.” She responded. 

“It does…” [Y/N] wondered what was wrong. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I really am. I was just thinking about my parents. I miss them.” Jubilee sat down too. 

“Want to talk about it?” [Y/N] asked. It was only a couple of days ago when Jubilee told her about her difficult childhood. The reason she had been at the X-Mansion for a decade was because her parents were killed when she was a child, and after being placed in and out of foster care, she was able to come here. Her safe haven. [Y/N] would have never have expected Jubilee to have been dealt such a bad hand in life, because she always was so cheerful and kind. 

“Not right now. And not here.” Jubilee answered with a smile and [Y/N] gave her a nod. “How did it go with Jakey? Was I absolutely right?”

“It went fine. You’re absolutely wrong. He’s so not into me.”

“Oh, please.”

“Ok. Maybe he’s a little into me.”

“Aha! I told you!”

“Honestly, if you hadn’t brought it up earlier, I don’t think I would have realized it. Now I just feel weird about it.”

“Why? Do you like him back?”

“No, I don’t. He’s very nice and **—** ”

“And good-looking…”

“Sure, that too. But I didn’t think of him that way. I still don’t.”

“Ah, that does make it a little weird, yeah.” [Y/N] nodded to Jubilee’s statement. “What ya gonna do about it?”

“I don’t know yet,” [Y/N] said as she wondered whether she should tell Jubilee about the thoughts she overheard from Scott. She tried not to overhear other people’s private thoughts, and with the professor’s and Jean’s help she was able to shut them out most of the time, but sometimes their thoughts came in, anyways. Especially when they were directed to or about her. That had led to some painful situations in her life. 

She decided against telling Jubilee. Hearing Scott talk negatively about herself would probably create unnecessary tension in the group. She wanted to avoid that. Besides, it looked like Jubilee had enough on her mind already. _It probably didn’t mean much, anyways. Scott was probably just annoyed with the fact that random people kept walking up to our table. He had a hard time loosening up around me too. But he was never antisocial, so maybe that’s not it either. Maybe it’s more about random people… random boys approaching me? Why else would he have expressed annoyance and disbelief over the fact that guys showed an interest in me? Is that so hard to believe? Am I_ that _ugly?_ She still remembered his thoughts and how annoyed he sounded, “Another one? Jesus. Why is everyone trying to get in her pants?!”

 


	6. Hooked On A Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] has an epiphany.

Scott had been tutoring [Y/N] in the Study Hall for the last hour, and she had enough of it already, but she knew they were going to be there for at least another hour. So she tried to make time go faster the best way she knew how.

“How come you’re so good at Geometry?” She asked changing the subject from trying to understand geometry to talking about it. She had done that many times during their study sessions. It was her way of getting to know Scott a little bit better without coming across as a creepy stalker. To get a better sense of him and what he could have meant. 

Scott stopped explaining the assignment. “It’s my mutant power,” he joked. [Y/N] just stared at him waiting for a better explanation so he gave one, “I think it’s a secondary mutation, or something. I have great spatial intuition so I can better aim my optic blasts.”

“Oh, how are you so certain?”

“It only happened after I discovered my power.”

“When you broke your school in two.” [Y/N] smiled.

“Basically.” Scott smiled back. 

“So how do you aim? When you take your glasses off the laser beams just come out, right?”

“They do.”

“So how do you aim?”

“It is a bit impractical with just the sunglasses, so Hank, uhm, Mr. McCoy, made a special visor for me that allows me to aim, then shoot the optic blasts.” 

“Sounds fancy.” 

“It’s pretty awesome. Anyways, uhm, we should probably get back to the assignment.”

“Oh, yay. The assignment.” [Y/N] sulked and tried to regain focus. Scott explained what the radical axis and radical centers are again using a different example, and [Y/N] wondered what she was ever going to do with Geometry in her life. _Probably not shoot fancy laser beams out of my eyes. Though technically, I totally could!_

“Hey [Y/N]” Jake interrupted. Scott and [Y/N] looked up at him. 

“Oh, hey Jake. What are you doing here?” [Y/N] instantly felt awkward.

“Studying, just like the two of you.” Jake eyed Scott who was flipping his pen back and forth. 

“What’s up, Jake?” [Y/N] wondered aloud. 

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to watch the movie with me tonight. They’re playing _The Empire Strikes Back_.” He returned his gaze to her.

“Oh,” [Y/N] was surprised. “I’m seeing that with Jubilee and the rest.”

“Ah, ok.”

“But, euhm, you’re welcome to join us, if that’s what you want. Right, Scott?” [Y/N] awkwardly included Scott into the conversation.

“Uhm…,” he put his pen down. 

“Cool, maybe see you tonight.” Jake cut him off.

“Sure.” [Y/N] looked back to her books, hoping Scott would follow suit and continue with his explanation. _Geometry to make awkward situations go away quicker? Now there’s a good purpose._

 

—————————————

 

Later that night the group had gathered in the common room to eagerly watch _Star Wars_ again. They sat next to one another on the plushy sofa, with Kurt on the floor in front of rest on the big pillows. 

“This is the second one, right?” [Y/N] asked Scott, who was seated next to her. 

“Yes, it is a great movie. I am sure you will like it.” He responded. 

“I better. It’s over 2 damn hours. What an investment of time.”

“Like you have anything better to do,” Jubilee smirked and nudged her friend. 

[Y/N] opened her mouth in surprise, but then shrugged. “You’re right,” she agreed laughingly. 

“Aren’t I always?” 

“Oh, please,” [Y/N] rolled her eyes. “Can I have the popcorn?” She asked Jean. 

“Here you go.” Jean passed the popcorn from her to Jubilee, who gave it to [Y/N]. 

“Thanks!”

“Oh, can I have zome too?” Kurt jumped in and [Y/N] handed him the popcorn. 

“Do you even remember the first one?” Scott asked her. 

“Yeah… vaguely. Don’t look at me like that!” She protested and he laughed. 

“Why is Jakey coming over?” Jubilee whispered in [Y/N]’s ear as she leaned back.

“Oh, right. Shit. He came up to me today, when I was studying with Scott, to ask if I wanted to see the movie with him. Told him I’d be with you guys and that he was welcome to join.” 

“But he isn’t welcome.” Jubilee gave [Y/N] a mischievous look. 

“Stop it,” [Y/N] grinned. “Oh, hi Jake,” [Y/N] responded to his greeting. He sat down on the fluffy cushions on the floor next to Kurt. Scott moved his legs away and sighed. 

The movie went by quicker than [Y/N] had expected. She kept asking questions to Scott every time she didn’t understand something, or when she had an objection to the credibility of a subplot, which he answered patiently. It stood out to her, though, that whenever Jake tried to get involved in the conversation that Scott would either grow quiet or reply to Jake agitatedly. _He must really not like Jake_. It didn’t help that Jubilee kept making sassy comments about him either, literally behind his back and sometimes even inconspicuously whilst she stood next to him. When everyone slowly made their way out of the common room, Jake proposed walking [Y/N] to her room, and she gave a panicked look at Jubilee.

“Pass. I need to talk to [Y/N],” she grabbed [Y/N]’s hand and pulled her away towards the stairs. 

“Oh my god, thank you.” 

“Yuhhuh. You’re going to have to break it off with him.” Jubilee stated as they walked up the stairs. 

[Y/N] looked down at Jake, “There’s nothing to break off. We’re not together.”

“Tell him that.”

“So awkward.”

“Totally.”

The two girls said goodnight, and [Y/N] walked into her dormitory. Her roommate had not returned yet, so she had the place to herself. She enjoyed the solitariness, so she grabbed her walkman and put it on her head. Journey’s _Don’t Stop Believing_ came up and [Y/N] bopped her head along to the beat. She lied down on the bed and pensively listened to the lyrics. She started wondering about Scott’s behavior. It wasn’t like him to be rude to others. She supposed it wouldn’t have been that noticeable to her had she not overheard his thoughts. _Maybe he gets so weird around me and Jake, not because he doesn’t like me, but because he does like me? Could that be it? Would that really be it?_ [Y/N] began to realize that she wanted that to be the reason. _Shit_. 

 

—————————————

 

The fact that she was sporting a little crush on Scott wasn’t a complete surprise to her. She was always paying attention to what he was or wasn’t doing. She often found herself glancing at the movements his body would make, causing her teeth to search for her lips, and then she’d bless her lucky stars that no one else noticed _her_ doing any of that. She knew she smiled just a bit more than usual, and also inwardly, when he cracked a joke, especially one directed at her. So realizing that she wanted more was something she could handle, but the thought that he might return that sentiment gave her all kinds of weird and nervous feelings. _What if I am wrong? But what if I am right?!_ Once that idea had popped into her head, she had to know. Otherwise, the not knowing would haunt her. 

“Hey, Scott! Wait up!” [Y/N] ran towards Scott in the main hallway, who stood still and turned around. “Am I catching you at a bad time?” She asked rather formally, when she stood in front of him breathing a little heavier than normal. _Am I catching you at a bad time? What the hell?!_

“No, what’s up?” He moved his books from his right arm to his left. 

“Euhm, let’s just move out of the way for others.” She touched his arm and nudged him towards the left side of the stairway. 

“Ok…,” he waited for her to continue the conversation. 

“So,” **–** [Y/N] gave a big smile **–** “I’ve got great news!”

“Yeah? What is it?” His interest was piqued. 

“I passed my first Physics test!” She beamed, and he laughed. “Why are you laughing?” [Y/N] looked confused.

“Oh, I’m just surprised.” He smiled now. 

“That I passed? Gee, thanks a lot.”

“No! No! That you’re so excited about it that you track me down to tell me.”

“Well, of course. If it hadn’t been for your help I would have certainly gotten a much lower grade, or I might not have passed at all.” She smiled again. 

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“Take the compliment, Scott! I just wanted to say thank you for helping me out, even when I didn’t want you to, which was.. probably always.”

He laughed again causing his cheeks to touch the rims of his sunglasses and her heart fluttered in response. He gave her a friendly pat on the arm, “You’re welcome, [Y/N]. And thanks for the compliment.”

The euphoric high owing to her good news, the happy interaction with Scott, and hisunexpected touch, made her take a step outside of her comfort zone, and so she blurted out without thinking, “Hey. Next Saturday?”

“What about it?”

“I… was wondering if you wanted to hang out for a while before seeing _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ with the rest. Just the two of us.” _Fuck. What am I saying?_

“Oh,” he said, which created an even bigger panic inside of her mind. 

“So I can properly thank you for your help. Buy you a soda, an ice-cream, or something,” she quickly added, regretting her spontaneity. _Oh my God._ _Why am I like this?_

“Will you be doing that each time you pass a test?” He grinned.

“If you’re lucky.”

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” He put his free hand inside the pocket of his jeans and smiled at her.


	7. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott and [Y/N] go on their first date, maybe?

One by one they stepped out of the car to enter the mall. [Y/N] hurried along, almost making a run for it. The wind had been brisk and hard, and she could still feel the cool gust of air creeping around her body underneath her jacket. _Perhaps it was time for my winter jacket_. 

“Where do we go to first?” Jubilee asked the group after entering. 

“Vee could go to the game hall?” Kurt suggested. 

“Yeah, that works for me.” Jean said. 

[Y/N] didn’t know how to bring up the fact that she and Scott would be hanging out, “So, euhm, actually. Scott and I are going elsewhere.” 

“Elsewhere? Way to be vague.” Jubilee gave her a funny look. 

“The comic book store,” Scott interjected. “I want to pick up a new issue.”

“Oh, vee can alzo do zat first. It’s alvays fun to browse around the comic book store.” Kurt was happy to oblige. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it. We’ll just see you guys at the game hall.” Scott said. 

“Two hours until the movie starts, Scott.” Jubilee teased.

“I’m punctual.” Scott started walking towards the escalator and [Y/N] gave a quick goodbye. 

“That was weird,” Jubilee stated. 

“Very,” Jean added. 

Still trying to get rid of the chill, she quickly rubbed her hands together and Scott gave her a sympathetic look. They went up the escalator in silence, waiting to arrive at their destination, and she avoided looking at his face. _Awkward_. 

“It’s over here,” He finally spoke again. 

The comic book store wasn’t very big, but it seemed to have a lot of different sections. There was a cashier behind the register who seemed so engrossed by a comic, that he probably didn’t notice them when they walked in. She glanced around a bit at the different genres, before she stopped in front of the _Wonder Woman_ comics. This character she knew. Kurt apparently was a big fan of hers, and he was convinced she’d like her too. He had offered his, and even Scott’s, comics for her to read -without Scott knowing-, which had amused her. 

“What are you looking for?” She asked Scott. 

“A comic called _Ronin_ ,” he started browsing too. 

“What’s it about?”

“Well,” **–** he walked towards her and looked at the _Wonder Woman_ issue she was holding **–** “that’s a good one. So a Ronin basically is a samurai who no longer serves a master. His master was killed by a demon called Agat, and the Ronin has sworn vengeance. Pretty dramatic stuff.”

“And here I thought you were going for a typical superhero comic book in which the hero is always saving the day.”

“Hey, I’m cultured,” he feigned offense. “But I’ve got plenty of those too.” He grinned now.

“I knew it,” She laughed. “So what would you suggest to a girl who is pretty new to comics, but definitely interested?”

“Do I know this girl?”

“Maybe,” She smiled, and Scott walked to her other side whilst seizing her up. 

“Being a girl has little to do with it. It depends on her interests,” he started. “Happen to know those?”

“Hm,” She pretended to think. “I guess you could say she likes science-fiction, but she just doesn’t know a lot about it. There should be some action, because who doesn’t like that, right?”

“Right. Anything else?”

“A good romance plot. Not something weird thrown together.”

“Romance?” He tilted his head and she nodded. 

The cashier observed the conversation taking place in front of him. The girl in the pretty dress had shifted her weight to one hip and put her hand on the other, waiting playfully for the boy to respond to her. The boy with the sunglasses, whom he recognized from previous visits, walked closer towards the girl with a smile on his face. 

He stopped about a meter away from her, moving his left hand over a comic rack, and said, “You could always start with _Young Romance_. Not a lot of science-fiction, but plenty of romance. Or there’s _Abby Arcane_ , but that’s more horror than science-fiction, but you like horror. I remember that well. Or, uhm, I mean, _this girl_ likes horror, right? Uhm, then there’s also **—** ” The cashier was impressed. The boy might as well fill in for him, and do his job while he goes on his break. 

“I think I’ll try the second one you mentioned,” [Y/N] said after Scott found the issue he was looking for. 

“Yeah? I was able to convince you?”

“For sure. I just need to find it.”

“Probably over there,” **–** he pointed to the back **–** “where they have the more obscure comics”. 

[Y/N] browsed through the racks but wasn’t able to find the comic. As it turned out, the comic was so obscure that the cashier had to order it for her.

“Bummer, I was hoping I could read it tonight or tomorrow.” She said while the two of them walked to the food court to get some milkshakes. 

“You can always pick a comic from my extensive collection, if you want,” Scott offered. “I can’t guarantee you many of them will have romance, though.”

“You’re sweet, thanks.” 

“No problem.” He gave her a small smile.

 

—————————————

 

“So, Mr. Physics, since you helped me out with my classes and it paid off, this one is on me. What do you want?” She looked up at the considerable selection of milkshakes. 

“Since you’re offering, let’s see…,” **–** he looked up too **–** “a chocolate-banana shake sounds good.”

“Anything else?”

“Nah.”

“Ok, if you find us a place to sit, I’ll see you in a second.” 

“Done,” Scott moved towards the seating area. 

She looked back as Scott walked to an empty table and took a seat. She bit the insides of her cheek, and wondered if she didn’t come across as a total fool. She rolled her shoulders back and moved her head from side to side trying to loosen up. _This damn cold went straight to my muscles_.After carefully taking the two big milkshakes in her hands, cooling her hands again, she walked towards him and he straightened in his seat. She felt awkward again. 

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

She sat down across from him and let the silence hang in the air for a second before asking, “So what else do you do besides reading comics?”

“Uhm, I watch movies whenever I get the chance. I listen to music. Making a mixtape can keep me busy too. For each mood a different tape, you know?”

“I do.”

“What else? Well, things related to the mansion and the professor.”

“Really? Such as?”

“Oh, combat training and such. Just X-Men stuff. What about you?” Scott remained vague.

“Me?”

“Your interests?”

“Ah, right. Drawing. That’s probably the one thing I do the most. Euhm, trying out new things, like comics. Or reading short stories. I don’t know.” 

“What kinds of things do you draw?”

She realized they had never had this general introductory conversation, but were always talking about a specific topic rather than themselves. It was like they went back to the start, to when he was a bit more reserved and she was still.. awkward, but trying. 

“Anything, really. Whatever pops in my head. I’m often inspired by the stories I read, or the characters I read about.”

“So you also draw people?” 

She nodded, “But also buildings and whole settings. It just depends.”

“Wow, that’s cool. I wish I was more creative.”

“Well, you just grab a pencil and give it a go. It’s that easy!”

“I doubt it,” He smiled before taking a sip of his milkshake. 

The two of them had a lot of questions for one another, each much more at ease with listening than talking. It made for quite an interrogative and associative conversation. As it turned out, Scott also had a passion for vehicles, especially fast ones. He told her he was helping the professor fix up some old-timers, and in return he was allowed to use one of the professor’s cars within reasonable limits, and he could use his garage to fix up a motorcycle of his own. She in turn told him that she really wanted to travel, that drawing -in a way- was like traveling, because she could think about and imagine in detail all these exotic foreign places, or even conjure up fantastical worlds.

“Oh, our time’s almost up.” Scott said as he looked at his watch. 

“Right. You wouldn’t want to give Jubilee the chance to call you anything but punctual, huh.”

He chuckled, “You’re on to me.”

 

—————————————

 

In the end, both Kurt and Jean decided to see the horror too, since there weren’t any good alternatives, but Kurt regretted that decision afterwards and he didn’t fail to bring this up several times during their drive back home.

When the group had walked into the mansion and were about to split up, Scott hesitantly walkedup to [Y/N] and said, “Thanks again for the milkshake.”

“Thanks again for your help. And today. That was fun.”

He smiled, “It was.”

A long silence filled the hallway. The room grew tense whilst everyone remained in the same position, unsure of what was taking place, and unsure of what to do next. Kurt and Jean made eye contact, but said nothing. Jubilee stared at her two friends and wondered what was happening between the two of them. 

Scott shuffled his feet as the uncomfortable silence continued on, and he tried to think of what to say next, “Do you want me to walk you to your room, or something?”

She was about to respond when Jubilee grabbed her arm and pulled [Y/N] with her up the main stairs. “Sorry, she’s my girl now. You’ve had enough alone time with her today.”

"Wow, jubilee, thanks for not making that awkward,” She said when they were out of earshot. 

"Oh, please, you two were making _me_ feel awkward. I had to put an end to everyone's misery." [Y/N] gasped, but couldn't help laughing, which brought a satisfied smile to Jubilee’s face. "Now on a more serious note. We need to talk about what is going on here. Was _that_ a date? Do you like him? Are you two dating?" Jubilee shot off the questions. 

"We need to go somewhere more crowded than the hallway,” [Y/N] tried to avoid the questions. 

"The dining hall it is,” Jubilee stated matter-of-factly and pulled [Y/N] with her once again. 

"Ok, we're seated. Away from the crowd but with enough noise around us to have a private conversation without someone overhearing. Is this to your liking?" Jubilee asked and [Y/N] nodded. 

"Great!" **–** Jubilee said with a smile **–** “So is there something you'd like to tell me?" She nudged.

“Euhm, well, the other day I asked Scott if he wanted to hang out with me at the mall - alone. He said yes,” [Y/N] began. 

"Oh my god." Jubilee commented. 

“As you know, we went to the comic book store today before the movie. Then I bought him a milkshake to thank him for his help. We just talked a bit, really." 

"What did you talk about?" Jubilee asked. 

"Oh, the usual. Favorite comics. Hobbies. The movie. Awkward conversation about classes. Just basic things,” [Y/N] tried to sound casual. 

"Was there a good vibe? Was it a successful date? Will there be another?" 

"I-I think so. He was nice and chatty. He smiled a lot and seemed to listen." 

"Good, good,” Jubilee was thinking. 

"I don't know about the rest since someone intervened,” [Y/N] looked at Jubilee accusingly to which she smiled apologetically. 

"Sorry about that. You have to understand, I've been wanting to ask these questions the moment the two of you left. And then in the hallway, you two were being so weird. You should have told me earlier. Give a girl time to prepare." 

"Well, if I'm going to suffer because of your intervention, you'll have to suffer along with me.”

"You got it,” Jubilee smiled. "So what is it you like about him, anyways? I mean, he's gotten so serious after his brother died,” jubilee interjected thoughtfully. 

"Wait, what? He had a brother? Who died?" 

"Yeah, you didn't know? Well, it's not like that's first-date material. Talking about dead family members, and all." 

"Jubilee!" 

"Right, sorry. Yes, his brother was Alex Summers. He, uh, he died defending professor Xavier from En Sabah Nur." 

"Wow, that's so sad." Jubilee nodded. "That was when the X-Mansion was destroyed, right?" 

"Probably not the last time." Jubilee joked half-heartedly making [Y/N] grimace. 

”That's a reassurance." 

"Don't I know it." Jubilee sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The X-Mansion sounds like a safe haven, lol.  
> What did you think?!


	8. Song To The Siren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott finally makes a move. Freaking finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big portion in italics is a flashback.

Ever since their awkward goodbye last Saturday, tension had been building between [Y/N] and Scott throughout the week. He hadn’t brought up their casual date again, and he was back to his regular behavior. Not that much had changed nor had she expected much to change, but she was hoping they would have had more moments alone. Instead she saw him every night at dinner, like she always had, together with the whole group. And as always he was friendly, but quiet. Only jumping in to talk every now and then. 

She felt too nervous to strike up a conversation with him alone. Besides, she had asked him out for the first date. _It is only reasonable that it was his turn to ask her_ , she decided. So as each day went by she started to think he may not like her like that at all. That he only went on their date, which was never officially established as a date, because he was trying to be nice. _He is a very nice guy after all. He probably just didn’t want to hurt my feelings, or something_.

On Thursday afternoon, much to [Y/N]’s surprise, Scott sought her out in the parlor. She was sitting alone on a sofa, trying to make some sense of _The Sound and The Fury_ , when he joined her. He brought up the comic he had bought the previous Saturday and stated there is only one more issue he needed to go through for the comic to finish. [Y/N] listened, happy that she finally had a one-on-one moment with him. _Even if it took him forever_. When he softly asked her if she wanted to join him to the comic book store again, and to hang out afterwards, she had to do her best not to appear too happy. She didn’t want to seem too eager, since he took his time to approach her. [Y/N] gave him a small smile and nodded, “Sure”. Scott smiled back, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, and then he hurried off to his next class. 

 

—————————————

 

“You told me you wanted to be prepared, right?” [Y/N] started the next morning at the breakfast table. 

“Hmm, prepared for what?” Jubilee chewed on a mouthful of toast. 

“My date with Scott,” She smiled at Jubilee whose eyes went big.

“When?” She tried to say with her mouth still half-full. 

“Tomorrow. We’re going back to the comic book store, then hang out afterwards.”

“Wow, he’s not the most original,” Jubilee commented after swallowing. 

“I don’t mind,” [Y/N] beamed. 

“Good! This should be fun,” Jubilee returned the smile. 

Saturday couldn’t come around soon enough for both [Y/N] and Jubilee. Even if it only was a day away. The closer it came, the more nervous [Y/N] felt, and the more Jubilee reassured her things would be fine; that she should just keep her cool. 

“You two have known each other for two months now, and in those two months you saw him and talked to him on the daily. So stop fretting.” Jubilee yawned, still barely awake on a Saturday morning. 

“Ok! You’re right. So what should I wear?” [Y/N] and Jubilee stood in front of [Y/N]’s closet and stared at the unpacked boxes on the floor. 

“Seriously, it’s been two months,” Jubilee emphasized, making [Y/N] laugh. “Let’s finish unpacking these boxes and see what you got!” 

Jubilee proactively picked one box and placed it on Jessa’s bed. 

“Oh, she’ll hate me for that,” [Y/N] mumbled. 

“Well, Jessa’s ridiculous. Plus, she’s not around to hate right now.” Jubilee opened the box and [Y/N] grabbed the second one and also placed it on Jessa’s bed. “What are you thinking style-wise? So we can look strategically through all this stuff.” Jubilee looked at her friend. 

“Something cute, but warm. I mean, November is pretty freaking cold.”

“You got that right!” Jubilee started rummaging and [Y/N] smiled at her.

“Thanks for doing this, Jubilee.”

Jubilee gave her a big smile back, “Of course! I’m a lifesaver and all, remember! Besides, if there’s something I know it’s fashion.”

The two girls continued going through the two boxes. Jubilee removed the clothing and made suggestions, then gave the clothing to [Y/N] so she could decide to finally put it in the closet, or to put it aside to possibly wear later that day on her date. 

“Ok, I’m calling it…” **–** Jubilee pointed at the different items on Jessa’s bed **–** “That glitzy sequins top underneath your fabulous oversized woolen vest, simple skinny jeans because we can’t go that crazy, and ankle boots,” Jubilee was satisfied with her final suggestion. 

“Don’t you think the glitz is a bit too much?”

“No, you’re glamorous. And it’s in your wardrobe for a reason.” 

“Ok, let’s just go for it. I don’t want to put too much thought in it or I’ll drive myself crazy.” [Y/N] concluded. 

She and Jubilee finished getting ready for their _ordinary_ Saturday trip to the mall. Jubilee offered her pink lipstick to [Y/N], which matched nicely with her glitzy top. After more preparing than [Y/N] would be willing to admit, the two went downstairs to wait in the parlor. Unbeknownst to them, the rest of the group had already been waiting. Scott stood up when he saw them coming down, then Kurt and Jean followed. 

“Vov, you look really different, but still very nice.” Kurt happily said to [Y/N] as he started making his way towards the main gate with Jean, who nodded in agreement. 

“Thanks,” [Y/N] replied softly. 

“What about me? Kind of rude to only compliment one girl there, Kurt.” Jubilee complained. 

“You look beautiful as alvays,” Kurt said unusually smooth catching Jubilee off guard. 

“Alright then!” She laughed it off and followed Kurt and Jean. 

Scott slowly approached [Y/N], who was still standing at the same spot in front of the entrance of the parlor. “Hey,” he said. 

“Hi,” She offered. 

“You ready?” Scott asked and she nodded. They followed the rest out when Scott quickly added, “Kurt’s right, you know.” A blush made it to her cheeks. 

 

—————————————

 

The drive wasn’t very different from the other times they had gone to the mall. [Y/N] thought she would have felt more anxious this time around, but just being with her friends made her relax and feel natural. Scott was driving, Kurt sat in shotgun talking to Scott, and the girls sat in the back, heavily discussing what and where they were going to eat at the food court. This time it had to be settled between OTPT, Sbarro Pizzeria, and Panda Express. Jean wanted anything chicken from Panda Express, Jubilee wanted pizza from Sbarro, and [Y/N] wanted the jumbo fries from OTPT. After a heated discussion that lasted well over 15 minutes, Scott agreed with Jubilee. 

“I can always eat some good pizza,” he said as he looked through his rearview mirror at the girls. 

“Team fireworks and laser beams!” Jubilee cheered. 

“Actually, it’s optic blasts,” Scott replied matter-of-factly.

“Yes, and pyrotechnic energy. Dude, this is why you don’t have friends,” She responded. 

“I think I might switch to team fries or chicken,” Scott gave a cheeky smile and the girls laughed. 

“Hm, I do love both, but I zink Sbarro offers more choices,” Kurt finally gave his opinion, and with that it was finally settled. 

 

—————————————

 

After another long day at the mall, Jubilee and [Y/N] slowly made their way back to the girl’s dormitory wing. “You two were ridiculously quiet during dinner _and_ the ride home,” Jubilee commented, trying to address the date.

“I know.”

“It was like last week all over again. Awkwardness everywhere.”

“I know…”

“You know a lot.”

Not sure how else to respond, [Y/N] gave Jubilee a blank stare. They walked towards [Y/N]’s dorm room. “Can we finally talk about it?” Jubilee asked excitedly, ignoring her friend’s look. [Y/N] opened the door to her dorm and peeked inside. 

When she saw her roommate was out she said, “Yes, the coast is clear.”

“Great, sooooo… tell me everything,” Jubilee sat down on [Y/N]’s bed and looked expectantly at her. She closed the door and smiled. This, in turn, made Jubilee smile. “Come on, I’m dying here,” Jubilee urged. 

“Well…”

“Yes?”

“We went back to the comic book store. We talked. We laughed. It was fun.”

“Wow, don’t hold back the details.”

[Y/N] giggled and added, “We kissed.”

“You kissed!”

“We kissed!”

“How was it?”

“Terrifyingly slow and painfully quick at the same time.”

“Wait, Terrifying? Painful?”

“Hm, yes, but also amazing.” She smiled widely and sat down next to Jubilee. 

“So it was good?”

“Really good,” The girls grinned at each other. “Scott bought us some hot chocolate, and we decided to go outside for a walk in the park. I thought it was a good idea, because maybe this way I’d be able to cool off a little. That vest _and_ my winter jacket together were way too hot.” 

“I’m sure _that_ was it!” Jubilee laughed, making [Y/N] blush a little. 

She continued, “Anyways, we sat down on a bench and we talked. He told me a bit about his family. His parents and his brother, since I asked about them. Oh, he also told me about Kurt’s peculiar sleeping habits.”

“We have to get back to that one later on,” Jubilee chimed in. 

“And he told me more about the comic he’s reading right now. He looked really relaxed. It was nice to see. It made me relax too, well, a little… But then…”

“Yeah?” 

“Then he became quiet, and he looked at me. I didn’t realize it at first, but apparently I was looking at his lips… and I think he knew that.”

“No way!”

“Way…”

“Oh my god, how?” 

“Well, I must have been gaping at his lips. What was I doing?! And he was basically staring in the direction of my face, so surely he realized it!”

“Then what happened?” Jubilee leaned forward expectantly. 

“Well, I died a little when I saw that he saw what was going on.” 

Jubilee laughed, “But then what?”

“He gulped. I looked away, then I looked in his eyes, or well, his sunglasses trying to find his eyes. Then away again, then back again. Like the fool I am.”

“Aww,” Jubilee patted her friend’s hand. “Go on.”

“I blushed some more. I’m 80% sure I looked like a proper tomato. Then he started to lean in closer and I got super hot. I mean, it was as though heat started radiating through my body, or something. Really weird. Does that make sense? And my heart was beating so fast. And he seemed to move so slowly.” [Y/N] tried to remember the kiss. 

Jubilee didn’t respond anymore, but silently waited for [Y/N] to continue. [Y/N] thought about how she had tilted her head slightly, which had encouraged him to close the distance between their faces completely.

_He tentatively brushed his full lips onto hers and caressed her arm with his hand. With a soft sigh her body responded for her. His kiss was warm, and his lips felt soft, just like she had imagined many times before. After deepening the kiss, she could taste the sweet chocolate flavor on him. When she placed her hand on his chest, he took a breathe and gently broke the kiss, before he leaned back to look at her again. [Y/N] dropped her hand and smiled as she evaded his face, because she had no idea what else to do. She felt herself growing redder._ If that was even possible. 

_“I, uhm, could use another hot chocolate.” Scott suggested, breaking the silence._

_“Me too.” As the two had gotten up [Y/N] had mumbled to herself “or maybe a milkshake, because I’m freaking hot.”_

“No way! Did he hear you say that?” Jubilee asked amusedly as [Y/N] finished her story.

“God, I hope not.”

Jubilee laughed now, which brought a pained smile to [Y/N]’s face. “So, when do you see him next? I mean, one-on-one?”

“Tomorrow for our regular study session.”

“That should be interesting.” Jubilee winked dramatically. 

“I can’t wait until the table turns and you’re in my position.” [Y/N] nudged her friend, who laughed again. “I will milk it. Just you wait!” 

“We need Everett to notice me first,” Jubilee laid back on the bed. 

“Tomorrow. We will make it happen.”  



	9. I'm On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little steamier. Teenagers and hormones, am I right?

The next day [Y/N] promised herself to get up early, or what she considered early for a Sunday, and try to get a study session in before Scott would tutor her. She walked into the study hall and saw it was mostly deserted, except for a couple of students. She walked towards the back to where the windows were, because she liked a lot of light when studying, and saw Scott was one of those students. Of course _he_ was studying. She walked towards him, because she didn’t know what would be weirder: studying at his table, or not studying at his table. 

“Hey.” She whispered. 

Scott looked up and his mouth opened in surprise. “You’re early,” he recovered quickly. 

“Hm, thought I’d get some studying done before our session. Mind if I sit here?”

He shook his head and moved his belongings to the other side, “No, of course not.” She sat down across of him, and gave him a small smile, which he returned. She opened her books on American literature. _Great. How am I supposed to concentrate now. I should have sat far away from him_. 

“Reading Faulkner? That can’t be easy,” Scott continued the conversation.

“It’s not, but I found this guidebook in the library that makes it easier for me to understand the chronology of _The Sound and The Fury_ , so that helps big time.”

“Good,” he smiled. “Uhm, I think I still got some notes on him somewhere, if you want them.”

“Sure, there’s no harm in having more notes to look at. Thanks.”

“They’re somewhere in my room. I can give them to you after we’re done here,” he suggested to which she nodded. 

She thought about what that would mean. _His room. He’s got notes in his room. He wants me to go to his room? How am I supposed to study like this? Focus! Faulkner! Guidebook, where are you? Ah. Ok. Three different time markers for Benjy via the three different guardians. Right. Right. Don’t think about being in his room. Which characters represent which decades? Don’t think about being in his room. Alone. Together. What if…?_

“Shit,” [Y/N] said out loud startling Scott. 

“Are you ok?” He placed his hand on hers.

“I’m ok,” She looked at his hand, then stood up. “I just realized I forgot something. Would you mind watching my things for a minute?” He nodded. 

She tried to walk out of the study hall casually, hoping she didn’t look like a crazy person. She sure felt like one. She knew that Jubilee was awake by now, so she wouldn’t mind dealing with her having a minor panic attack over (physical) contact with boys. 

“Hi Gemma. I need to talk to Jubilee.” Gemma opened the door wide enough for [Y/N] to enter. 

“It’s for you.” She said to her roommate, who looked up from her desk. 

“[Y/N]? What’s up?” 

“Euhm, a mild panic attack. Am I disturbing you?” She sat down on Jubilee’s bed, who joined her seconds later.

“You’re not. What’s the panic attack about?” 

“A guy.” She said while she eyed Gemma. 

“A particular guy?” 

“Yes, there’s only one.”

“Right, sorry.” 

“He, euhm, just casually invited me to go back to his room, I think.”

“What? Seriously?”

“Maybe? I don’t know?” She added to her confusion. 

“Use details,” Jubilee said, and so she discussed the conversation that had taken place only a few minutes ago. Word for word. 

“Well, I’ve no idea what that means,” Jubilee concluded. “He might just want to give you the notes, or maybe he wants to give you more than just the notes.” 

“Probably more than just the notes,” Gemma added, which got her a side glance from Jubilee. “What? Whoever this guy is… he’s still a guy.”

“So what do I do?” [Y/N] asked. 

“What do you want to do?” Jubilee asked. 

“I want to not feel this nervous.”

“You told me you felt good about the kiss, right?”

“Right, but what if he wants more? It’s too soon, isn’t it?”

“But Scott’s a good guy, he won’t **—** ”

“Scott’s the guy? As in Scott Summers?” Gemma’s curiosity was piqued again. 

“Jubilee!”

“I’m sorry. It slipped.”

“It’s ok. I should go. I need something,” [Y/N] got up still slightly panicked. “I told him I had forgotten something, so I need something forgotten.” 

Jubilee looked around her room, then grabbed her notebook from her side table. “You forgot this.” She smiled at her friend, “It will be fine. Don’t be nervous. He’s a good guy.”

“You’re right. You’re right. Needed to hear that, I guess. Thanks, Jubilee!”

“I want details.” Jubilee always knew how to lighten the mood, so with a smile and some newfound confidence she walked out of the room. 

“Notebook. Completely forgot about it.” [Y/N] threw her hands in the air, before she sat down at the table again. Scott looked up at her and smiled. 

“Cool.”

“Kay, cool. Back to studying.” _Like that will ever happen_. 

An hour later Scott broke the silence between them, “I’m ready if you are?” An hour filled with [Y/N] rereading the same three paragraphs from the novel, barely making any notes, and playing out all the possible scenarios of what might, could, and what she would like to happen after the study session. 

“Euhm, sure.”

Scott looked at her papers, “You didn’t make a lot of progress?”

She closed her notebook, “Euhm, I had a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Nope!”

“Ok…”

“…but thank you.”

Scott grabbed his old notebook in the mean time, “So, Physics?” [Y/N] nodded and grabbed her book. “Last time we stopped at the wave-particle duality. You guys still there in class, or do we need to discuss a new topic?”

“A lot of ground to cover there.” 

“Alright.” They flipped the pages until they reached the right chapter. “Do you still remember what a photoelectric effect is?” 

“Yup.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

“Nope?” He gave her a smile but kept silent. “Ok, fine. When a metal surface is illuminated with light, electrons can be emitted from the surface. That’s the photoelectric effect1.” She answered. 

“Yes, so light has both wave-like and particle-like properties, but only shows one or the other, depending on the kind of experiment we perform. A wave-type experiment shows the wave nature, and a particle-type experiment shows the particle nature2. Are you still with me?” She nodded slowly. “The book has a great example. Can I?” He gestured to the book, which she moved towards him slightly. He got up from his seat, walked around the table and sat down next to her. He moved the book so it was in between them on the table. “This is easier. Now if you look here,” he leaned over slightly and pointed towards an image in the book. 

She looked at her book and tried her hardest not to inhale his musky cologne. She tried not to notice the heat rising in her body and the nervous butterflies flying around in her belly, simply because of the close proximity. She tried not to think of the kiss or how soft his lips had felt, and how soft they were looking this very moment. She tried not to think of the fact that the kiss had left her wanting more. Much more. 

“[Y/N]?” Scott asked placing his hand on her arm. “Are you ok?”

She looked at his hand before she gazed steadily into his sunglasses. She was unaware of the way her eyelashes fluttered when their eyes connected. She wondered what the expression was behind them. _Was his mind racing with thoughts too? Did he feel nervous too?_ “I’m ok,” she said. 

He tore his eyes away from hers and looked at his hand, moving it down to stroke the naked skin of her underarm. “You spaced out, or something.” He focused on her arm, because her eyes revealed a craving he was inclined to give into right there in the study hall. 

“I’m ok,” she glanced at his lips before closing her eyes. His touch left a burning trail behind on her skin and she had to concentrate so she wouldn’t do anything imprudent. She wanted to touch him back, to feel his skin on hers in other places, to have a deeper and longer kiss. _I know concentration was never my forte, but this is a whole other level of distraction_. 

“What are you guys doing?” Jubilee stood across from them with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised so high it almost popped off. 

A startled Scott looked up and cleared his throat. [Y/N] looked at her friend with a bemused expression when she asked her, “What are _you_ doing here, Jubilee?”

“I came to study, of course. Wasn’t that what you two were doing?” Jubilee pursed her mouth, trying to hold back a smile. 

“We were,” Scott said and he stopped touching [Y/N]’s arm. “So, uhm, the example,” he tried again. This time around it seemed a little bit easier to remain focused when someone else was keeping them under surveillance, despite the intense sensations that were building up inside of her. [Y/N] wasn’t sure whether she should be happy or angry about Jubilee’s arrival, but she chose to go for the former.

“I’m beat,” [Y/N] said two hours later. “I can’t take it anymore. I need some fun in my life.” 

Scott smiled at her complaint. “Ok, we can take a break.”

“I think they’re showing _Blade Runner_ tonight,” Jubilee looked up from her books. 

“They are,” Scott confirmed. 

“Oh, is that any good? It’s with that guy from _Star Wars_ , right? Right?” [Y/N] was hopeful about getting it right. 

“You really need to start watching more movies,” Jubilee laughed. 

“That’s what I’ve got you guys for,” She smiled. 

Scott returned the smile, “It’s a science-fiction action movie. Definitely worth a viewing.”

“Great, I can’t wait,” [Y/N] said as she got up from her chair and closed her book. 

“What are you doing?” Scott asked. 

“I told you. I need some fun in my life.” 

Scott got up too, “Alright. Did you still want me to give you my notes on Foucault?”

[Y/N] grabbed her books and quickly glanced at Jubilee who offered no reaction in return. “Euhm, sure. Can’t hurt.” She responded whilst holding her books to her chest. 

[Y/N] and Scott took a right outside of the study hall and ventured into the men’s dormitory. She was surprised by how similar  the structure of the wing was. 

“New to this wing?” Scott interrupted her thoughts. 

“I don’t really have a lot of reasons to be in the men’s dormitory, no.”

“No, of course not. I didn’t mean to imply **—** ”

She grinned at him, “I know.”

Scott stood still at a door in the middle of the wing. “Want to come in?”

She nodded and he opened the door for her. When she walked in the plan of the room confirmed that all of the student bedrooms were the same. There were two twin-beds on the left side, two closets near the door, two desks near the windows, and a sink on the right. The only thing that was different was that this room was much messier. _Well, half of the room was very messy._ [Y/N] came to a halt in the middle of the room and looked back at Scott. She had hoped that Kurt would be around, but that wasn’t the case. Scott left the door open and walked towards his bed. 

He removed a box from underneath his bed then searched through it. “It should be here somewhere,” he said. “You can sit down if you want.”

She walked towards the desk facing the window and sat on the chair. The desk was messy, filled with German books, memorabilia from the World Series and other historical events, and loads of gummy bear wrappers. She could tell it was Kurt’s desk.

“Found it!” Scott got up and waved the notebook in his hand. He grabbed his chair, then sat down next to her. “So, uhm, notes on Foucault should start…” he flipped through the pages. “Yeah, here,” he pointed. “Hold on, let me get a post-it.” He scanned Kurt’s desk, but then quickly went back to his own. “Here you go,” he gave her the notebook and sat down again. 

“Thanks, Scott.” She smiled. 

“Yeah, no problem,” he leaned back in his chair and looked at her. 

She grew more self-conscious under his gaze. The fact that she couldn’t see his eyes, or the look in his eyes, made her feel a bit uncertain about herself. His silence had also become nerve-wracking, especially after she realized how much she wanted a repeat of yesterday.

“I should go, ” too nervous to do anything about her feelings, she got up from Kurt’s chair and walked towards the door. He cleared his throat and walked with her. 

Wanting to thank him again, she turned to face him. Since his steps were bigger than hers and he didn’t anticipate for her to stop walking so abruptly, he ended up bumping into her. “Oh, are you ok?” He asked her as he automatically took hold of her arms so she wouldn’t fall. 

“You’ve been asking me that a lot today,” she smiled, then dared to look up at him, her nerves growing stronger. 

His mouth opened in response to the sight in front of him before he replied, “You’ve given me a lot of reason to.”

“I have?”

“H-mm,” he hummed and his head leaned in closer to hers. 

She moved her left hand to his chest, cherishing the warmth, and closed her eyes, letting him close the final distance between them. It was less scary when her eyes were closed. He pressed his body against hers when **—**

“Oh. Oh! I am zo zorry!” Kurt stood bewildered in the opening of the door. Scott let go of her and stared at his wall. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Don’t worry,” She said once her voice returned. 

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Scott added dryly as he finally faced Kurt. 

“I’m very zorry,” Kurt repeated. “I should leave.”

“No, I’m the one doing the leaving, Kurt!”

“Oh, ok. zorry. Again”

“I’ll see you tonight, ok?” She asked Scott, barely making eye contact. 

“Yup.”

“I’ll see you too, Kurt?”

“Ven?”

“For the movie. _Sword Runner_?”

“Blade,” Scott interjected.

“Ach, yes. I’ll zee you zere.” 

“Great! See you,” with that [Y/N] hurried back to her own dormitory.  


 

—————————————

 

Jubilee and [Y/N] had already found a big comfortable sofa in the common room to sit on with little space left for others. They were about to throw popcorn at each other because of their heated discussion, when Kurt and Scott walked in.

“Oh, come on. It has to be _The Call of Cthulu_ ,” [Y/N] stated.

“Not even,” Jubilee countered. 

“Even!”

“ _The Whisperer in Darkness_ is the whole package. You get everything Lovecraft with that story. Plus it’s science-fiction _and_ horror. The best combination!” Jubilee continued. 

“And yet it **—** ”

“Hi Jubilee. Hi [Y/N],” Kurt intervened. “Vat are you talking about?”

“What the best story by H.P. Lovecraft is,” [Y/N] answered. “And hi,” she smiled at Kurt and Scott.

“Vat kinds of stories does he vrite?” Kurt asked.

“Scary ones,” Jubilee grinned. 

“Oh, zen it is not for me. I am done vith zcary zings,” Kurt sat down on a chair and gestured Scott to the somewhat empty space next to [Y/N]. 

“Hey,” he said softly as he took his seat. 

“Hi, are you excited?” 

He smiled, “I’ve seen this movie before. Shouldn’t you be the one who’s excited?”

“Oh, I am,” she said as she felt the warmth of his body next to her, and tried to sit as still as possible. 

“Where’s Jean?” Kurt asked. 

“I think she has her session with the professor,” Scott replied. 

“Session?” [Y/N] didn’t dare to look at his face. 

“Hm, yeah. To work on her powers.”

“Ok, shhh. The movie is beginning. I haven’t seen this one yet. No yapping.” Jubilee said as she grabbed a handful of popcorn from [Y/N]. 

“Want some?” [Y/N] asked Kurt and Scott; both grabbed a handful or two.

 

—————————————

 

“I couldn’t believe Rachael wasn’t human. That’s just so messed up,” [Y/N] said to Jubilee as they walked out of the common room. 

“Yeah, I don’t know how many ethical codes of conduct it breaks. Probably a dozen,” Jubilee added. 

“This Roy Batty was not a good man. Or, uhh, robot. Or fallen angel,” Kurt said.

“Ok, but come on. He was kinda cool,” Scott disagreed. 

“No. No,” said Kurt. 

“Oh, hey, look. Everett also saw the movie,” [Y/N] whispered to Jubilee. “Maybe you should go talk to him about it.”

“Maybe not.”

“It’s a perfectly acceptable occasion.”

“Except that he’s standing all the way over there, and we’re here. It’s weird.”

“Say, Scott. Isn’t Everett a friend of yours?” [Y/N] asked.

“I suppose,” he answered. 

“We should ask him his opinion of Roy Batty. What do you say, Kurt?” She continued whilst Jubilee tried to collect herself. 

“I suppose,” Scott gave her a strange look. 

“I say yes,” Kurt called for Everett. 

“What are you doing?” Jubilee asked under her breath.

“We’re not being passive wallflowers, remember?” 

Everett had walked up to the group, and greeted everyone. “What’s up, Kurt?” 

“Vee vere talking about Roy Batty. Vat do you zink of him?” Kurt answered. 

“He’s awesome,” Everett responded. 

“Told you,” Scott looked smug. 

“It’s just matter of taste, you know?” Jubilee raised her eyebrow.

“And mine is great,” still smug. 

“Lame.” 

“Well, what do you think of Batty?” Everett asked Jubilee. 

[Y/N] pressed her fingers lightly on Scott’s hand, causing him to look downwards then to her. “I’m kinda tired **…** It’s been a long day,” feeling brave, she slid her hand in his. 

“Want me to walk you to your room?”

“I do.” 

Since Jubilee was now in a heavy discussion with Kurt and Everett on why both of them were wrong, the two decided to just slip away. They quietly walked up the stairs towards the dormitories, eager to finally be alone again. The effect of being around him, but not tasting his lips, and not experiencing his touch was absolutely maddening and entirely ridiculous. And if this is what it felt like after one kiss, she was afraid to find out how much worse it could get. The hallways were scarcely lid around this time of the night, so students wouldn’t wander around too much the closer it got to curfew.

“This is me,” [Y/N] said once they arrived at her door. 

“I see,” he took a step towards her. 

“My roommate is probably in there…” she leaned against the door.

“Yes?” He took another step towards her, his body now only inches away from hers. 

“…so I can’t ask you to come inside,” she wet her lips and looked up at him. 

“That’s ok.” 

“But, euhm **—** ” 

He made sure not to press his body against hers yet, but with his last step he had come close enough to feel each other’s body heat, or maybe they felt their own body heat. He hovered above her for a moment, giving him the chance to lightly wet his lips while he stared into her bedroom eyes. His silence made her self-conscious again, so she tried to suppress her nerves by biting on her under lip. This only added fuel to his heavily-lit fire, and so he glided his hand behind her head, nudging her head towards him, and he leaned down until their lips finally met. She responded instantly. His kiss wasn’t as sweet and gentle as it had been the day before. Instead, there was a sense of urgency that made her own need even stronger. She had waited long enough. She grabbed his sides and pulled his body as close to hers as possible. He breathed heavily into the kiss, and unintentionally responded by grinding his hips against hers. She could’t help but moan as a wave of pleasure pulsated through her body. Her response only stimulated him further, and he repeated the movement, this time intentionally. She could feel him tense up against her, and she gasped trying to repress the moan he elicited from her. Scott moved to her neck to place slow, wet kisses.

“Ohh-ook, we have to stop,” she whispered trying to slow down her breathing, and her hands moved from his waist to his arms, trying to create some space between them. He stopped kissing her, breathing heavily in her neck for a couple of seconds.

“Ok,” he said. He took a step away from her and looked her in her eyes. They were half-open, her hair was a mess, and her chest bounced up and down. It was a sight to behold, one he tried to imprint on his mind. “Ok,” he repeated again and his breathing slowed down a bit. 

She cleared her throat, pulled her hair back, and tried to calm down too. “Thanks for walking me to my room,” she said. 

“Really, the pleasure is all mine,” he replied with a deep voice. 

She smiled, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He nodded. 

“Night.”

He moved closer to peck her on her lips, “Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes 1&2: information taken from [Free High School Science Texts](http://www.nongnu.org/fhsst/fhsstphy.pdf) (p. 342). I'm definitely not good at physics myself.


	10. Girls Just Want To Have Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do Scott and [Y/N] DTR? Guess they can thank Jean for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter this time, but filled with nice things. I hope you like it!!  
> Happy reading :)

It had taken [Y/N] forever to fall asleep. After Scott had left, she had been too excited and her mind had been all over the place, trying to relive what had taken place minutes before and how she had all these new, strange sensations coursing through her body. When she woke up the following morning, those feelings had been replaced with doubt. She and Scott had not talked about the kisses, not on Saturday nor on Sunday, so she didn’t know what it all meant. _Ok, so at least now I know for sure he likes me. That much was obvious. Right?! But now what?_ She wanted to discuss the situation with Jubilee, but Mondays were always hectic and they found little time in between -or during- classes to talk privately. When they were finally done for the day, dinnertime had already come around and [Y/N] knew she’d see him again. She had been dreading and looking forward to it all day, making her an unusually silent bundle of nerves. As expected, the always-together-trio were already seated at the dinner table, animatedly talking and eating, when the girls walked in the dining hall. Jubilee sat down next to Jean, who greeted the girls, which left the only available seat next to Scott. With heavy feet [Y/N] walked to the chair and Scott stood up. Her eyebrows flew up as she looked at him, and the table grew quiet.

"Hi," **–** He said timidly before leaning down to place a soft kiss on her lips **–** "Had a good day?" 

Feeling pleasantly surprised, she sat down and nodded. "Much better now." 

They smiled at each other, and Jubilee made a face. "Oh my god, you guys aren't going to be all grody now, right?" 

"Grody?" Kurt asked confused, which Jean quietly explained. 

"Only if you provoke me..." Scott teased and Jubilee smiled back. 

"So you two are a thing now?" Jean wondered out loud. 

"We, euhm, actually haven't discussed that yet." [Y/N] answered avoiding his gaze. 

"Oh, sorry." 

Kurt and Jubilee glanced at each other uneasily, not daring to say a thing. Everyone became quiet again and awkwardness ensued. 

"I want to be," Scott broke the silence quickly. He placed his hand on top of hers and smiled. 

"You're feeling pressured now. I don't want it like that." 

“Sorry again.” Jean mumbled.

"I'm really not. I was just planning on bringing it up in a different situation, but this one's as good as any." Scott kept his gaze on [Y/N].

"Really?" 

"Definitely! If you want to, of course." 

"I want." 

"Ok," He squeezed her hand and smiled widely, before returning his hand to his plate so he could continue eating. 

She blushed at the thought of how she got her first boyfriend, but she couldn't have been more over the moon about it. She had been attracted to Scott ever since she walked up to this exact table months ago with Jubilee, but she wouldn’t ever have expected that he’d become her boyfriend. He had seemed so unapproachable with his cool sunglasses and only-speaks-when-spoken-to attitude, especially in comparison to how open and welcoming Jubilee and Kurt had been. But now she seemed to have it all: she was doing fine in school, she was able to control her abilities for the most part, she had a best friend, she actually had a whole circle of good friends, and now her romantic feelings were also reciprocated. Even her parents had come around and dealt with her situation better. The distance had done them well, as professor Xavier had asserted. Everything had fallen into place. She finally belonged. _Life is good_ , she smiled happily at her friends and stole one of Jubilee’s meatballs.

“Oh, no, you didn’t!” Jubilee reacted and retaliated by grabbing [Y/N]’s dessert and licking it. 

[Y/N] gasped and then laughed, still a bit shocked. She didn’t see that coming. She nudged her best friend. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you did that!” 

“I can’t believe it either,” She admitted, laughing along. 

“I’m gonna need your dessert now. Or did you lick that one too?” 

“Haha, no. No licking. Here take it.”

“I’m kinda afraid.”

“Take it!” Jubilee wiped away a tear.

After dinner, Jubilee dragged [Y/N] away from the dinner table, leaving behind a slightly disappointed Scott, to talk in the parlor about everything they hadn’t had the chance to talk about yet. They were able to sit down on one of their favorite sofas, the ones located near the windows, that gave them a wonderful and serene view of the world. _Or just the backyard_. 

“I wasn’t expecting that to happen so quickly!” Jubilee smiled at her friend.

“Guess I have Jean to thank for that!” 

“So what did you want to tell me, anyways? You were being so weird.”

“I was just going to tell you about what happened yesterday.”

“Oh, after the movie?”

“Yeah…’

“Well, tell me. I’m all ears!”

[Y/N] closed the distance between herself and her friend, and whispered, “We kissed again. It was really different from Saturday.”

“How come?” Jubilee lowered her voice too. 

“I don’t know. It wasn’t sweet, or anything. I mean, I was just as nervous as last time. Maybe even more nervous, because I’d already done it and knew it was coming this time. Does that make sense?”

“Sure.”

“And, euhm, it felt really… hot?”

“Hot?” Jubilee sniggered. 

“Yeah! I even pulled his body against mine… I don’t know what I was doing.” [Y/N] giggled as she leaned her head back against the sofa. 

“Ok, that does sound hot. Did anything else happen?”

“Not until today at dinner. I, just, I’m so happy, Jubilee.”

Jubilee gave her friend a pat on the arm, “I’m happy for you! I just hope you won’t forget about me.”

“Forget about you?” Your my best friend, Jubilee! I’d never forget you.”

“Good,” Jubilee gave a small smile. 

“Why would you think that?” [Y/N] tried. 

“No reason. I don’t know. Maybe you’d wanna spend your time with Scott now.”

“Sure, I want to spend time with him, but I also want to spend time with you. Our get-togethers in the evenings are one of the highlights of my day.”

“Aw, [Y/N].”

“ _You’re_ one of the highlights of my day,” **–** [Y/N] nudged Jubilee with her shoulder **–** “You know that, right? You’ve made me feel so much at home here.”

“Aw, stop it. No water works, ok.” 

“Hah, alright. I’ll stop.” [Y/N] hugged her friend. 

“Thanks for that. I needed to hear that.” Jubilee confessed. 

It came as a surprise to [Y/N] that Jubilee cared so much about whether or not she would be spending time with her. It made her happy to know that Jubilee had become as reliant on her, as [Y/N] had on Jubilee. It felt good to know she was loved back, and was considered a friend worth having. The following weeks, she experienced a sense of euphoria. _Who knew life could be this great?!_ Her heart had opened and she had let others in, and in turn, she blossomed into a more confident and elated version of herself.


	11. La Di Da Di

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick look at how Scott and [Y/N] try to spend their time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but sweet. Like me.  
> (What a narcissistic author)

Just because two people lived in the same place, it didn’t mean that they would be seeing a lot of each other. The most time that Scott and [Y/N] had together during the week was during supper, and then they were always with friends. She had told Scott that she didn’t want to give up her evenings with Jubilee after their little chat, so they had to be a bit more creative. Scott always liked a good challenge, and so he did his best to find moments between his classes, his combat training, and his work for the professor, to be with her. 

One of his ways to spend more time with her, was by walking her to class if he had some time to kill. He would quickly ask her about her day, about how classes were going, and what she was looking forward to. Trying to take in as much of her beauty and her happy-go-lucky attitude as he could, something that vastly improved his own mood. The hardest part about those short moments together was saying goodbye, because he was never ready to stop talking yet. At least it meant he’d get to feel and taste her lips again, and so he tried to make it last as long as possible. He cared very little for his surroundings once his eyes lowered to her plump lips, which did get them into trouble every now and then. 

The last time they got caught in the act was when he had walked her to her physics class. He had hovered above her in the hallway, because he knew she was about to say goodbye and walk into her classroom, so he just stared into her eyes. She smiled at him and raised her heels off the ground, trying to close the distance between them. Her eyes closed slowly, and he wet his lips as he moved his arm around her back, pulling her closer to him, allowing their lips to finally touch. Her mouth felt warm, and she allowed him access immediately. He could feel her need for him, and it made his body respond. He tentatively explored her mouth with his tongue, not wanting to get carried away completely, and she squeezed his arm. He shifted his weight and pulled her body in to his, almost lifting her off the floor— 

“Excuse me!” Hank McCoy hissed. He looked disapprovingly at both Scott and [Y/N] when he said, “This is a school. You’re in a public space. You save _that_ for elsewhere.”

[Y/N] could feel her face redden while Scott just sighed. 

“Get in the classroom, Ms. [Y/L/N]. Scott, a word.”

She immediately moved away from Scott, blushing profusely as she quickly walked into the classroom, and took her seat in the back next to Jubilee.

“Oh my god!” She whispered. 

“What?” Jubilee looked at her friend.

“Mr. McCoy totally just caught us.”

“Doing what?”

“Locking lips.”

“No way!” 

“I’m so embarrassed.”

“This is amazing.”

“Taking pleasure in my pain?”

“Yup.”

“You’re a wonderful friend **—** ”

“Ms. [Y/L/N], I’m expecting you to keep your lips _sealed_.” McCoy closed the door with a bemused expression on his face, and Jubilee had to suppress her laughter as [Y/N] turned a deeper shade of red. 

Besides hanging out with [Y/N] for a quick bit before her classes, Scott would also wait for her in the parlor if he had completed his workload, because he knew she’d come down there to relax with Jubilee, after she finished her own homework. Her schedule was pretty regular, so he never waited long, and it gave him some time to reread his comics. When she would see him in the parlor, it always meant he’d get to see her smiling face. He loved the little dimples in her cheeks and how her eyes beamed when she saw him. It also guaranteed him another kissing session without being scolded by any teachers, so the wait was worth it. 

“Man, I never would have guessed Scott was so into kissing.” Jubilee said to her friend, when she walked up to her.

“Probably because he’s not getting much else,” [Y/N] said in spite of herself, making Jubileeburst out in laughter. “Anyways, did you see his lips?”

“They’re hard to miss,” Jubilee smirked.

“Yeah! So it’s a good thing.” 

“Except for those of us who have to look at the two of you.” 

“Oh, you’ll just have to deal.” [Y/N] smiled goofily.

During the weekend Scott and [Y/N] had more time together. On Saturdays the group would make their usual trip to the mall, unless someone came up with a better idea. Sometimes they’d be back on time for dinner at the X-mansion, but usually they’d return just before curfew. Spending their day playing games at the video arcade, browsing through the comic book store, figuring out where to eat at the food court -if they didn’t plan this beforehand per Scott’s ongoing request-, observing people and creating little narratives, window shopping -except for Jubilee, she somehow found a way to always buy something new-,and watching a new movie at the cinema. The mall was their home away from home, and it was only natural that the employees and store owners in the mall also grew accustomed to them. 

Just as the group consisted of heterogeneous members, so did their preference for music categories and artists, and so they had become a noticeable group of teenagers at the record store -not just because one of them was tall, blue, and moved like Michael Jackson- who had loud and heated discussions about which rocker was the best, or which ballad had the most emotional lyrics and why (: most often the newcomer “I Want to Know What Love is” by Foreigner or the classic “All by Myself” by Eric Carman won, because the group concluded that those melodramatic feelings ran deep. Though Scott remained persistent that “Careless Whisper” by George Michael should be in the top three. He would never admit it, but he secretly loved that song). 

“Looking at WHAM’s album, huh Scott?” Jubilee gave him a look and [Y/N] tried to hold back a chuckle. 

“Uhm, not really.” He looked at the LP record as though it had gone up in flames and was now scorching his fingers. He put it back quickly. 

“I mean, some songs are good. Like that ‘Wake me Up’-one?” [Y/N] smiled. 

“Yeah, I guess so. I can’t always listen to Metallica. R.E.M. Bruce Springsteen… or uhm, Patti Smith.” He hastily said as he stepped back. 

“You’re basically just namedropping anything related to rock music, Scott.” [Y/N] enjoyed giving him a hard time. 

“No, I’m not.” He mumbled and turned around to browse through the LP rack behind him and hopefully end the conversation. 

The tip of his ears flushed a soft shade of red and it brought a mischievous smile to her face. She decided not to prolong his torture and turned her attention to Jubilee who was just as amused. 

“I would totally jam to ‘Club Tropicana’” Jubilee said to [Y/N], but looked at Scott for a reaction, who chose to ignore them. 

“Oh, definitely. Perfect summer hit, but I actually like ‘Careless Whisper’ way more. It is such a romantic song. Great for on a mixtape.” [Y/N] replied while she grabbed an LP record of Marvin Gaye. 

“You make a lot of mix tapes?” Jubilee looked at the record and shook her head. 

“I do, but I wouldn’t mind receiving them either. To have someone put their most favorite songs, or most treasured songs… or songs perfect for a specific mood… to put that on a mixtape and share it with someone else… that’s quite thoughtful and expressive, right? I mean, it’s a very simple way to share something very personal of yourself with someone else.”

“So you’re saying I should make you a mixtape?” Jubilee cocked an eyebrow. 

“Only if you want,” [Y/N] laughed. “But since you’re saying ‘no’ to Marvin Gaye, I might have to question your judgement.”

“Oh, are you calling me out like that?” Jubilee laughed now too and Scott joined their conversation again. 

“Let’s test that. What do you think of this?” He held up an LP record of Pink Floyd while he slid his arm around [Y/N] and gave her an unexpected kiss on her lips. 

The late evenings on Saturday, if they had not had enough of each other yet, were spent together in Jean’s or Kurt and Scott’s room, but usually the group would spend the night hanging out with other friends. They did have other friends. Not for Scott and [Y/N], though. They tried to spend as much time together, and this was the perfect occasion to enjoy some one-on-one time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One-on-one time, huh?  
> I'll fill you in tomorrow.


	12. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott and [Y\N] get to know each other a little bit better. On his bed.

Sundays were filled with studying together, which basically meant [Y/N] tried to remain focused whilst Scott would tutor her, which was an ongoing struggle for her. At night the group would come together to watch whatever movie the X-mansion offered, or play games and relax if the movie didn’t seem that interesting. Scott had made an arrangement with Kurt, so he could spend more alone-time with [Y/N], which meant that after studying and before dinner the two of them had Scott and Kurt’s room to themselves for a good two hours. They often spent time discovering more comics, and [Y/N] would teach Scott how to become a better drawer, or they would simply listen then discuss the music on the radio, but generally they were getting to know one another better. 

“Oh, no way! This Captain America is one of your favorite superheroes?” [Y/N] thew her head back in laughter while she made herself more comfortable on Scott’s bed. 

“Yeah, what’s wrong with him?” Scott browsed through his comics, placed in a plastic box underneath his bed, and looked up at [Y/N] for a response. 

“Nothing! There’s nothing wrong with him. That’s the whole thing! He’s too perfect! It kind of becomes a little bit boring. At least, from what I’ve read so far.” She moved to the side of the bed, to get closer to Scott. 

“There’s a lot he’s dealing with. There’s a lot underneath the surface that people don’t see. You will, though. Keep reading. Here’s the next issue.” 

“Hmm. Fine. I’m putting a lot of faith in your taste, Scott.” She gave him a big smile and leaned down. 

“I thought we already concluded I’ve got great taste?” 

“Well, you’re dating me, so I could hardly say no.” She retorted. He gave her a smirk and stopped crouching. He put his arms on the bed, and moved up. She realized he was coming closer to give her a kiss, so she leaned forward towards him even more, but the fast movement only ensured their noses bumped and their lips crashed a little harder than expected. 

They laughed and he pecked her on the nose, “Sorry about that.” 

He tried again and sat down on the bed next to her. She sat up straight too, putting the comic behind her, and looked at him expectantly. He saw her nerves growing again, so he gave her a smile as his one hand traveled from her arm to the back of her neck, and his other hand caressed her leg, slightly nudging her closer to him. 

“Don’t be nervous. I don’t bite hard… You know that.” He smirked now and she laughed feeling silly. Trying to calm her nerves, she placed her hand on his chest and licked her lips quickly. 

“Hm.” He murmured at the action, before capturing her mouth with his own. Her lips were soft and tasted like strawberries, probably from the lip balm she had applied to her lips earlier. He nibbled on her bottom lip slightly and her hand wandered to nape of his neck, gently stroking him there. The warmth of her mouth was so tender and inviting that he pressed his lips against hers harder, trying to feel and taste more. She eagerly opened her mouth and his tongue traced her lips, before exploring her mouth, until it found her tongue. She sighed into the kiss and he felt her hot breath cool against his wet lips. 

His grip on her leg had become stronger as the kiss deepened, and his movements became swifter, prompting his hand to her hips, then over her waist, before quickly grazing the side of her breast in order to cup her face. Her nerves had been replaced by a budding heat inside of her. She played with his hair as he continued ravishing her mouth, and she tried to catch her breath. His lips felt so good against hers. She moved her hand down, trying to touch more skin, when she accidentally bumped into the earpiece of his sunglasses, and he immediately pulled away from the kiss and grabbed his sunglasses.

He looked flushed, and he quickly got up. “You have to be careful,” He stammered. “We-we have to be careful.” 

He took a couple of deep breaths, and [Y/N] looked at him with big eyes, still a bit dazed from the kissing. 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled once her breathing became normal, and he sat down next to her again, but kept his distance. 

“I could really hurt you. We _have_ to be more careful.”

“We will. _I_ will. I’m sorry again.” She placed her hand on his and slowly scooted closer to him. 

“It’s ok.”

She took hold of his hand and brought it to her face, trying to subdue the panic he must have felt since he jumped away so suddenly, and planted a soft, wet kiss on it. He looked at her again and gave her a faint smile. 

“Are you ok?” She asked and he nodded. 

He pecked her on the lips and his smile grew a bit bigger. “Let’s just talk. You said earlier that Kurt is trying to talk you into taking dance classes with him?”


	13. The Stroke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is around the corner, and [Y/N] needs some release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI, this bit gets a bit smutty. I couldn't help myself.

As soon as Halloween had passed, the professor had announced that this year they’d be decorating the mansion, just to get in that joyful spirit that Christmas brought with it. [Y/N] never really cared much for the holiday, because to her it seemed as though emotions ran higher when they were almost forced to appear happy and sane. Nonetheless, the public areas and hallways had been adorned with silver and golden - _fortunately they skipped the cliche green and red color scheme_ \- ornamentation, making the place more sparkly and attractive, and it had the hallmarks of nostalgia and sweetness, almost like a mixture of cinnamon and oranges. The X-mansion felt, looked, and smelled like home. _Ok, so maybe the professor wasn’t entirely wrong_. It did influence her mood for the better.

“Has anyone noticed that things are starting to feel a bit different outside of the Mansion?” Scott brought up the topic cautiously. 

“What do you mean?” Jubilee replied. 

“I don’t know… just noticed we’ve been getting more unfriendly stares than usual when we’re at the mall, for example.”

“I must admit I haffe been nodicing it too…” Kurt looked at his fingers. “I vas zurprized ven people here vere zo ok vith me ven I first vent to the mall, but zere has definitely been a shift.”

“Guess I get what you’re saying.” Jubilee said pensively. 

“I can’t believe Christmas is only a couple of weeks away.” Jean suddenly changed the subject, hoping to change the mood of the group to a more positive one. 

“Ja, I am fery excited! It iz my fafforite holiday!” Kurt chirped, always happy to talk about Christmas. 

“I can’t believe exams are before that. Ugh. Time’s gone by too soon.” Jubilee complained. 

“Well, Scott helped me out a great deal” **–** [Y/N]’s eyes twinkled as she looked at him, her eyes lowering to his lips, and he gave her a smile **–** “so I’m hoping at least physics and mathematics will be somewhat manageable.”

“You know what, let’s not talk about it!” Jubilee complained again. 

“Oh, you’ll be fine too, Jubilee.” Scott reassured her. 

“I know I will be! I just don't want to be wasting my time studying. It’s such a drag.” 

“That’s true.” [Y/N] agreed and Scott laughed. 

“Your teachers must love you two.” He reacted, and the girls smirked at one another. 

“We seem to have gotten a reputation.” Jubilee said proudly.

“Though not necessarily a good one.” [Y/N] added, making a face. 

“I figured as much.” He laughed again. 

“You know what I really hate about Christmas?” Jean began again. 

“How iz zat even possible?!” Kurt interjected quickly. 

“Listening to the radio! It’s awful around this period!” She finished. 

Scott vehemently agreed. [Y/N] her gaze wandered back to his lips, as he continued complaining to his friends about how the radio presenters talk too much and that they should play something else besides awful Christmas songs. His voice slowly drifted away into the background when she concentrated on the movement of his lips. How she wanted to feel those plump lips on her skin, slowly sweeping them down in-between her legs. She could feel erratic butterflies fluttering around in the pit of her stomach, slowly and almost painfully emitting ripples of desire to her chest. How she wanted his attention all over her body. Her skin flushed and a red blush crept up her face. _I can’t believe I’m thinking about this right now. Right here._ She exhaled deeply, trying to relax like she had learned from her one-on-one sessions with the professor, which resulted in her friends giving her funny looks. 

“Are you alright?” Scott turned his attention to her and touched her hand. 

His touch burned and she could feel the tingling sensation also build in her nether regions. She removed her hand from his, like he had some sort of disease, and nodded. His eyebrows furrowed. 

“I’m fine.” She cleared her throat. “Just distracted.”

“What’s distracting you?” Jubilee had a peculiar expression on her face. 

“Just life. Things. I’m, euhm, gonna go. Talk later.” She walked out of the sitting hall, and started making her way up the stairs to her room to find some relief, if she had the fortune to be alone in her room, when she heard Scott calling for her. 

“Oh, what is it, Scott?” She sounded more agitated than she had meant to. 

“What’s wrong?” He intertwined their hands and she tried not to stare at his lips. 

“Nothing’s wrong.” _How am I going to avoid him without looking like a bigger weirdo._

“Something’s definitely wrong,” He moved closer to her, hoping the reduced distance betweenthem would make her feel more comfortable. Little did he know it did the opposite. 

“I’m really fine!” He took hold of her other hand too and caressed it against his jaw. _His firm and sharp jaw. How would_ it _feel against my thighs? Would it be soft there too or rough?_ She opened her mouth and her tongue peeked out, unintentionally grazing her bottom lip. 

His eyebrows shot up, “Well, you’re being kinda weird.” She didn’t say anything, and he freed his hand to pinch her arm.

“Ow, what the hell!”

“Sorry, you zoned out.” 

“What the hell!”

“I’m sorry!” Scott clearly didn’t know how to handle the situation. 

“I’m just gonna go to my room now.”

“I’ll come with.”

“No, no, you’re not invited!”

“I’ll walk you then.”

“I can walk myself…”

“I know” **–** He rubbed the back of his neck, still confused by her behavior **–** “I just, uhm…”

_Oh my god, I just want to masturbate! That’s all!_ She shouted to herself. _Why won’t you understand?!_

“Wait, you what?” He stuttered. 

Her eyes almost popped out of their socket. “What? What?” She asked, her face reddening. 

“What did you just say? In my head?” 

“No! You heard that?” She wanted to walk out to the backyard, find a shovel, dig a hole, and bury herself in it. Death seemed generous right about now. 

“I wasn’t supposed to hear it?” He smiled now, finally understanding. 

“Of course not!” Her voice was raised. 

“Hey, relax.” He moved her hands behind his back, so her arms would wrap around his waist,tension quickly filling the air again, then he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before he softly let her feel his warm lips. She sighed into the kiss. This was just what she needed, and she held him tighter.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” He asked after they broke the kiss. 

“Cos you tell me every time you’re feeling… horny?” 

He chuckled and pushed her body against him, “Fair enough. Now that I know, though, I’m definitely not letting you go up alone.” She felt his muscles tensing and bit her lip, imagining the prospects. 

“But, euhm, what about your glasses? I mean, you’ve been… cutting things short ever since I accidentally moved them. A bit.” She stressed the latter words.

“I know. I’m sorry…” **–** He brushed his nose against hers **–** “Let me make it up to you.” 

She didn’t need much more persuasion and they went up to his room, after discovering that hers wasn’t empty. When he closed the door, her nerves took over. This had been what she wanted, but knowing that they were going to take it a step further, made her both anxious and excited. She gulped when he sat her down next to him on the foot of his bed. She moaned softly when he left a series of wet kisses and nibbled at the sensitive skin in her neck while his hand eagerly moved down to massage her breasts through her shirt. She held in her breath when his hand disappeared underneath her pants and explored unknown territory, with his enlarged member pressing against her leg. She squirmed when he rubbed too quickly against her flesh, once he had gotten her naked, and she told him to slow it down. She bucked eagerly against his hand when he finally learned how she liked it. She panted harshly when she reached her climax, and cried out as the heat in her groin shattered throughout her body. She screamed in horror, while Scott quickly pulled up the blanket, when Kurt unknowingly walked into the room, and saw more than he had bargained for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward much.


	14. Solid (As A Rock)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's oh-so easy to fall in love... Here's a bonding moment or two for [Y/N].

[Y/N] was stuffed. She had been way too eager about picking just one meal so she went a little overboard and picked several. Now she was paying the price for it, though. With a bloated belly, she and Scott sauntered around the mall, apart from the group. Scott told her that a bit of movement might make her feel better, and so here they were. Their fingers were entwined as they smilingly paced by the different stores, barely noticing the shops, when [Y/N] suggested taking the car for a spin. Scott hesitated. 

“What about the rest?” He asked.

“They’ll still be around when we get back. We will make the movie, Mr. Punctual.” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Oh, come now. Let’s go do something fun! Let’s just roam around. I’ve seen the inside of the mall so often now that I actually dream about it! It’s time to switch it up.” She tried to convince him. 

He remained quiet for a second, but when she stopped walking and looked at him with eager eyes, he agreed. He never needed much convincing when it came from her. 

They walked to the car, and she squeezed his hand with a big smile on her face.“This is going to be fun!” She squealed with delight. 

“So where do we go?” He asked when they sat in the car. 

“I don’t know. What’s around here, anyways? We can just drive around and listen to music if there’s nothing, I suppose.”

“Uhm, I think there’s a small town not too far away. Never been, but I pass it when I go to my parents. You have to cross the Croton Falls Reservoir. It’s a pretty sight. We could go there?”

“No idea what you’re talking about, but sure! Let’s drive there. I like pretty sights, and we can observe small town folks. Should be interesting!” She leaned her head back against the seat, and glanced his way as he started the engine. 

When the car was on the road, he looked at her briefly trying to read the emotions on her inquisitive face. He wondered if now would be the right time and if it would be the right thing to do; he hoped she would appreciate him for his effort. Leading the younger generation of the X-men was something that had come naturally to him. More naturally than he would have first expected. It helped that he had the memories of his big brother in charge, so he knew better what to do when he questioned himself. But when it came to girls and romance, he was out of his depths and his brother did not kiss-and-tell. He gulped as his unsure hand reached down his jeans to remove the tape whilst trying to drive steadily. 

“What are you doing?” [Y/N] looked alarmed at the road. 

“Oh, just… uhm, made a tape. Thought we could listen to it?” He waved the tape in the air awkwardly.

“You made a tape?” She smiled. 

He did not respond but pushed the tape in the cassette player and pressed play. Her inquisitive face turned his way. Both his hands were on the steering wheel again and he gripped it tightly,eyes focused firmly on the road and hands almost drained of blood. After a bit of noise, a familiar song came on, and it took [Y/N] a minute before she recognized the song. _It is from that spy movie he showed me. The James Bond guy._ When the singer sang “For Your Eyes Only”, she asked for confirmation to which he nodded.

“You, euhm… made me a mixtape?” She barely whispered. 

He decided to gather his nerves and look her in the eyes. Her eyebrows were elevated, her lips were slightly open, and her eyes twinkled. He smiled to himself in accomplishment before grinning and interlocking his right hand with her left, gently gliding his fingers over her skin. 

“I did. For your _ears_ only.” He squeezed her hand. 

Her heart skipped a beat, and she couldn’t help but grin back. His touch was so light, yet left behind a warmth in its wake that made her feel comfortable, excited and nervous all at the same time. She hadn’t expected her feelings to be so strong so early on, but after all the time he spent talking with her, patiently tutoring her, and passionately kissing her, she couldn’t help herself. And now this thoughtful gesture. _I think I might love him_. Her body flushed at the realization. _Well, if the mixtape is good enough,_ she joked to herself. Those music discussions were taken very seriously. 

“And yes, ‘Careless Whisper’ is on it too. Deal with it.” He squeezed her hand again, and she laughed in return at how he had read her mind. 

 

—————————————

 

“Oh my god. This studying thing is killing me. Killing me, I tell you.” Jubilee said as she plopped down on the sofa in the parlor.

“Well, the word ‘dying’ is in there for a reason.” [Y/N] stated, and took a seat next to her friend. 

“Exactly. It’s like they’re doing this on purpose.”

“They want us to suffer. School’s an evil institution.”

“Work of the devil.” 

The girls sighed and their complaining went on for another ten minutes. The exams were just a week away, and stress had gotten the best of them. Each day was spent on doing homework and preparing for their exams. They needed a break. 

“I doubt I will use half -if not all- of the classes later on in my life.” [Y/N] said.

“Yeah, I’m not really sure how we will. Though I’ve also no clue about what I am going to do with my life a week from today.”

“Oh, do you know what you want to do later on? I mean, job-wise?”

“Hardly, but probably taking in more strays like you.”

“Oh, that’s charming.” [Y/N] poked her friend. 

“Worked out well for us, hm?” Jubilee smiled. 

“I think you’d do a great job in a care taking role, Jubilee. You've got the qualities for it.” 

“Aw, thank you.”

“Though you get me into more trouble than out of it.” She teased now.

“Oh, you went and ruined our little moment.” Jubilee laughed.

Jubilee and [Y/N] had visibly relaxed now. Venting about the uselessness of classes and joking around was their sure-fire way to forget about the rock-bottom that they hit during their exam period. [Y/N] loved how simple and wonderful her friendship with Jubilee was: they could be themselves around one another. Silences were never uncomfortable, there was no need for fake pleasantries, and no topic was off-limit. The only thing a topic required was the right surroundings. She knew for sure that they would tackle whatever life threw at them together with the group, together with Jubilee, together with Scott. Never would [Y/N] have realized what life had in store for her though, and how wrong she was. 

“So I had to miss this week’s episode of _The A-Team_. And next week we won’t have any, so I need to know what happened?!” Jubilee stated. 

“Euhm, I wasn’t paying all that much attention…”

“Were you sucking face with Scott again?”

“I mean, kinda…” 

“[Y/N]! What are friends for if not to watch tv-shows for one another to keep each other in the loop. Come on. Breaking rule numero uno here.” 

“Sure, Jubilee.” [Y/N] gave an amused face. 

“Got nothing for me?”

“Let me think. Euhm, The A-Team got this restaurant called ‘The Golden Pagoda’-something, and they gave it to their asian friend…”

“What?! I missed the episode with Asian people. Ah, damn it.”

“So many Chinese people. Talk about representation.”

“I’m just saying.” Jubilee laughed. 

“And euhm, of course trouble happened so the team came in to rescue the day.” 

“Did B.A. work his awesomeness again?”

“Haha, yeah, he went all ‘this Maltese fool, maybe he oughta break his arm’, and of course Scott cheered that on.” 

“Of course.”

“Don’t get me wrong I love B.A. but that guy wears more jewelry than me, and looks ten times more fabulous. Oh, he even wore a hat in this episode. What a role model.” 

“Aw, hell yeah, we should all be B.A. Baracus.” Jubilee imitated his voice. 

[Y/N] looked at the clock that hung in the parlor and realized she was running late. They had once again chatted for too long about all kinds of wonderful, silly and unimportant things that meant the world to her, “Shit. I can’t believe it’s this late already. I’ve got to go.”

“No, why are you gonna leave me like that. Stay here. Let’s remain in our school-sucks-zone.”

“Trust me, I want to, but Scott promised he’d help me with some schoolwork so I can’t ditch him.”

“Right, help you with what? Sex ed?” Jubilee winked at [Y/N] who rolled her eyes in return. 

“No, he’s gonna help me with Mathematics, since we can’t all be naturally adept at it like you. Or him. Or basically anyone but me.”

“Right, probably working on the root of 69, huh.” Jubilee smiled at her own joke. 

“That’s a really bad one.” [Y/N] laughed. 

“I know. I’m losing my touch.” 

[Y/N] grabbed her bags and rushed back to her dormitory where she knew Scott must have been waiting for several minutes now. She was glad for his help and all the hours he invested in patiently tutoring her, because she could definitely use the push to keep on studying since she was a bit of a slacker when she studied alone, but she also really did not want to study anymore. Life was a bit of a struggle, and she longed for her holiday break and to see her parents again. Really, she longed for anything that meant she did not have to study anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else saw The A-Team? Am I alone in this?!  
> Check out [my tumblr](http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com/) if you want to.  
> 


	15. Sexual Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are boyfriends for if not to help you relax... And Scott knows how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but slightly smutty. Enjoy.

The lights were dimmed in [Y/N]'s room, but on her desk there was a bright light that had been shining for several hours. Scott was sitting at the desk next to her, trying to help her study for her mathematics test the next day. The more time passed, the more she didn’t understand, and the more frustrated she seemed to grow. 

“Perhaps you need a break. A moment to relax,” Scott suggested as he got up from his chair to stretch his body. 

“I don’t understand what the purpose of this whole class is, anyways. I mean, I have a calculator and Pythagoras will surely not play an important part in my life,” She ranted. She put her hands in her hair and sighed deeply. 

Scott looked down at her. Her hair was up, but it had become messy with locks falling down the side and in her face. She hunched over her desk and was ready to give up. “You look tense,” He murmured. “Maybe I can help with that too.” He rubbed his hands together quickly trying to add warmth to them, then placed them on her shoulders. “Close your eyes,” He said soothingly whilst slowly kneading the muscles on her shoulders and in her neck until he felt her loosen up a bit. 

“That’s nice,” She sighed with relief.

“I can do better than nice.” 

“Hm?” [Y/N] responded absentmindedly. 

Scott moved a lock of her hair behind her ear, then he bent down to place a soft kiss on her right shoulder. He gently left a trail of wet kisses from her shoulder to her neck, working his way up to that sensitive spot right beneath her ear. That one spot that could make her forget the rest. 

“Hmmm,” She moaned this time and she took hold of his head. “Don’t stop. It’s working.” 

Scott smiled into his next kiss, softly nibbling at her earlobe and making his way up towards her lips. She turned her face and body towards Scott to make it easier for him to reach her mouth. His lips caressed hers eagerly with his tongue tentatively looking for more access. His left hand went behind her head to hold the messy ponytail, pulling her head back, and allowing the access he was looking for. She moaned again, and his arms quickly moved to her thighs. His fingers setting fire to her skin. She put her arms around his neck, pushing him even deeper into the kiss as her tongue started looking for his. Now it was his turn to moan. The warmth of her mouth sent a feverish heat through his body, and he squeezed her hips and pulled her up with him. He needed more. He stumbled as he tried to direct her body towards the bed, and the chair fell on the floor. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled into the kiss, not making an attempt to pick up the chair. 

“It’s ok.” [Y/N] replied distractedly, and Scott softly pushed her on the bed before leaning over her.

“Hm, you’re so beautiful; you’re driving me crazy,” He mumbled to himself, and she tugged him by the shirt and pulled him back onto her lips. 

“More of this,” She mumbled. 

He gladly obliged, pressing his plump lips harshly against hers, taking her breath away. He reached down with his hand and caressed her knees, asking for permission with his body. She opened her knees, and he placed himself in between her legs, rocking hard against her, so she could feel just how crazy she was driving him. She gasped, still not used to the feeling of his hardness against her softness. It was only recently -ever since he helped her relieve herself- that they had started kissing horizontally and that his bulge had become a constant presence during these sessions. 

“Scott,” She sighed and he rolled his hips again. “Again,” she whispered and he submitted, trying to hold back his own moans. He nuzzled her neck breathing hard, then gave sloppy wet kisses, before moving on to her collarbone. His left hand traced the bottom of her shirt until his fingers made contact with her skin. He lingered there for a moment, giving her another rough kiss on the lips. Then he returned to nibbling her collarbone as his hand moved up underneath her shirt to her breasts, but was caught off guard when she lifted her leg and interlocked it with his so she could grind back against him.

“Fuck, [Y/N],” He finally moaned. Their bodies crushed into each other simultaneously with only the fabrics of their clothing to separate them. “I want you” **–** He hovered above her, his hand finding its way underneath her shirt again to squeeze her breast **–** “so bad.” 

“I want you too,” she admitted as she amorously gazed at him, her hands reaching for his blue shirt to remove it. He pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor, then he gave her a moment to look at his figure. Scott had been undergoing vigorous training for over a year now, and he was gradually growing from a slim torso to a broad and muscular one. The shapes and lines on his upper body had started to settle in deeper. She admiringly caressed his chest and a smile formed on his lips. He rocked against her body once more, and her mouth opened in a silent moan, which gave him the opportunity to ravage her lips again, savoring every moment he could feel her heat and plumpness. 

A soft golden light suddenly appeared from the other side, and both Scott and [Y/N] looked at the door panting laboriously. “Oh, gross!” Jessa, [Y/N]’s roommate, said as she stood in the doorway, looking back at them with wide eyes. “I would say ‘get a room’, but it seems redundant.”

Scott cleared his throat, trying to let rational thought back into his mind, and got off the bed hiding his rigid state. [Y/N] looked sheepishly at Jessa, who had now walked in slowly and was eyeballing Scott up and down. 

“Right, my shirt,” He said out loud to himself, before picking up his shirt from the floor and putting it back on. “I guess I should go,” He looked at [Y/N] who got up as well. 

“Yeah, some people have studying to do around here,” Jessa commented dryly. 

Scott grabbed his notebooks from [Y/N]’s desk and walked towards the door. He opened the door and stepped out, turning back around to say goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner?” She nodded as she neared him. She entwined her fingers with his, and he tugged her closer toward him. 

“Good luck on your test…” **–** He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers softly **–** “You can do it…” **–** He deepened the kiss **–** “You studied hard.” He breathed into her neck and she nuzzled into his.

“Thank you,” She hugged him and gave him one more deep kiss before he left. 


	16. Down Under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas time, and [Y/N] and Scott take their relationship to a new level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With a chapter title like 'Down Under' what more would you like me to say?  
> Warning: it's very smutty, kay?! Happy reading :-)

The following days were filled with taking tests, then immediately forgetting about them, packing for the Christmas break, and trying to hang out with the group as much as possible. Both [Y/N] and Scott would be visiting their parents during the break. Because she knew that she wouldn't be seeing him for two whole weeks, she wanted to spend some one-on-one time with him before they had to leave. She knocked on the door to Scott and Kurt’s bedroom, waited for a reply, then walked in. 

“Hey guys!”

“Kood morning. Are you excited about koing back home?” Kurt looked back from his desk. Scott, who was reading a comic on his bed, gave a big smile when she approached his bed. 

“Hey.” He made room for her to sit down on his bed. 

“Morning, Kurt. I’m pretty excited. I haven’t seen my parents in ages. What about you?” [Y/N] responded as she sat down. 

“Vell, as you know, I vill be staying here. Ach! I like to enjoy the quiet, and not having any deadlines is alzo good.”

“Yes, that’s probably the highlight of my life.” She smiled at Kurt. Scott put the comic on his night stand, turned back to face her and placed his arms behind his head.

“And you, Scott?” She asked feeling shy under his quiet gaze with Kurt around. Her eyes were focused on Kurt, who was now trying to order his desk and failing miserably. 

“I’m excited that you’re here,” He replied and pulled her in a horizontal position next to him. 

She blushed.

“Maybe I should go,” Kurt stopped rearranging his desk. 

“Oh, no, Kurt. I didn’t mean for you to **—** ” She tried halfheartedly.

“See you later, Kurt.” Scott interrupted as his hand traveled to the small of her back, nudging her body closer to his. 

Kurt walked towards the door, “Happy holidays!” 

“Thanks, Kurt. You too. I’ll miss you!” She replied quickly. 

After Kurt closed the door, she no longer felt embarrassed about the position she was in with Scott, and so she cuddled him back. Being caught by Kurt in compromising positions had -at the least- been very awkward for everyone involved, and so they tried to repress those moments. But now, alone with Scott, she felt right at home with her head on his chest and her body in his arms. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, you know.” She said to him after a moment had passed, and he cupped her chin with his hand before leaning his head so close to hers that their lips were just barely touching. She felt his breath on her skin, slow and steady. 

“Me too,” His lips graced hers lightly and her mouth opened in response, wanting more. His hand moved from her chin to put a strand of hair behind her ear, and she sighed. 

“How will you celebrate Christmas, anyways?” She tried to restrain the warmth that she felt growing inside of her. 

“Like everyone else?” He rubbed his nose against hers and gave her a small smile. She felt his hot breath again and her nails dug into his chest a little. 

Scott had evaded the question like he always would when she asked him about his family. She knew his family, and his brother especially, were a painful topic for him, so she normally dropped it if he seemed evasive. 

“Yeah, gifts and stuff? More family coming over?” She made another attempt at distracting herself. 

He sighed and rested on his back again, putting his arm behind his head and looking at the ceiling. “My aunt and uncle are coming over. They’ve got a son.”

“So you’ve got a cousin? I didn’t know that!” 

“It’s not really important.”

“Sure it is! Is he your age?”

“Hmm, about my age. A couple of years younger.”

“That’s nice, Scott. I’m sure you’ll have a good time.” 

“It’s-it’s just that things are different since Alex… is gone,” Scott finally replied after a moment of silence. “My parents are different. _I’m_ different.” 

[Y/N] didn’t know how to respond. She hadn’t dealt with the loss of a sibling or a family member. She couldn’t imagine how that would feel, so she embraced him tightly hoping that the act would demonstrate the compassion and love she had for him. 

He cleared his throat and looked back at her, “He would have liked you, you know?” 

“Yeah?” She gave him a smile and moved her face towards his head. 

He returned the smile and let her place a soft kiss on his lips. “Yeah, he’d like that you put me in my place.” Scott laughed now. 

“Well, good! Because that’s not changing!” She kissed him again, and he wrapped his arms around her back, hands wandering towards her bottom. She bit her lips when he squeezed her there, as her face hovered only inches away from his. He licked his lips quickly and [Y/N]’s eyes darkened. She could feel herself becoming wetter already. His left hand nudged her head closer to his, so the tip of his tongue could run over her bottom lip before he sucked on it.

“Scott,” She sighed into his lips, and he dragged her hips on top of his, nestling her between his legs. She raked her nails through his hair as she deepened the kiss with her tongue and rested her breasts on his chest. She felt hazy, and the heat inside of her grew stronger with each kiss. He gently ghosted his fingers over her waist underneath her shirt as she tried to take in every sense and taste. The caress of his lips, so plump and titillating, caused the butterflies to erupt in the pit of her stomach. They were panting now, in-between kisses, and her lips were swollen. 

“I need a second,” She broke the kiss and tried to catch her breath as she sat up straight on top of him. He immediately moved along with her to devote time on her neck while her hands trailed down to the bottom of his shirt. 

“Oh, Scott,” She moaned as he swirled his tongue around her sensitive skin and marked it with little love bites. She removed his shirt and he temporarily let go of her thighs to help her out, before returning to grinding her body against his. Her yearning became stronger with each intensifying movement. 

“Shit,” He moaned against her collarbone. His fingers dug in her bottom, “I want to feel your skin.” **–** she rocked against him **–** “Ah! Naked. Against mine.” His hands moved to her shirt and he clumsily got it off of her. He licked his lips as he observed her breasts, still contained in her bra, but lost focus again when she kissed him abruptly and pushed him back against the bed. 

The heat that had been rising inside her was slowly making its way from her groin to her chest. It made her forget about herself. She moaned harder for him whilst moving against his body. When the lack of control became more than he could handle, causing rational thought to leave his brain, he flipped her over. 

“You’re going to make me come,” He murmured, now hovering above her, his upper body not yet touching her. She gave him an alluring smile, then opened her legs to hook them around his waist. He groaned in protest.

“I don’t see how that’s a problem.” She laughed in response and he ignored her. Instead his hand roamed over her pants in between their bodies. This shut her up and Scott smiled, “I’ll make you see.” 

He unbuttoned her jeans, his hands jerking the fabric down, whilst his eyes never left her face, in case he got a response that wasn’t consent. She bit her lip and her eyes glistened with anticipation. He hovered on top of her again, arm on each side, and slowly lowered his body for a deep and wet kiss. He massaged her tongue with his, becoming rougher with each passing second. After bruising her lips, his swollen mouth and the tip of his tongue explored her collarbone and breasts, nipping and grazing her skin where she seemed more sensitive to his wet touch. 

He moved down the straps of her bra, then tried to unhook it. After fumbling around for a couple of seconds, [Y/N] grew impatient and unhooked it for him. She gave him a sweet smile and Scott stared sheepishly at her naked breasts. 

“I will keep working on that,” He said and she kissed him feeling exposed. “I’m usually a quick learner.” He insisted, making her laugh and alleviating her nerves.

He broke the kiss, wasting no time, and cupped her right breast with his left hand before placing a kiss on her nipple. Both of them moaned at the touch. “So good,” He mumbled before he gave attention to her other breast. 

“Oh, Scott!” **–** She moaned, carefully putting her hand in his hair **–** “Hmmm.” His left hand traveled to her inner thighs, ghosting over her soft skin, before it came to a halt at her soaking panties. 

“Fuck,” Scott reacted to the discovery of her physical arousal. “You feel so… good.” 

Her moans and sighs became louder and came quicker as he gradually circled her most delicate skin. “Scott…” He swallowed her soft cries and pleas as he looked at her face, concentrating on her reactions and facial expressions. Her eyes were closed again, because she felt self-conscious under his gaze, even under these circumstances. 

“I want to taste you,” His voice was deep and his short breaths tingled on her skin. 

She opened her eyes and looked at him, “T-taste me?” She gulped. 

“So badly,” He crushed her lips with his and rubbed himself lazily through his pants. “Can I?” She nodded in response and he slowly removed her panties, kissing his way down, and she closed her eyes again. 

“No, look at me,” **–** He said **–** “I want to see your eyes.” He positioned himself between her legs, his hands on her hips. She slowly made eye contact. “Good.” He cooed. 

He lowered his head, his gaze still locked on her half-lidded eyes and open mouth breathing harshly, then he flicked the tip of his tongue against her erect skin. Unfamiliar with the new feeling, she thew her head back while her back arched and her hands grabbed the blanket.

He flattened his tongue, then deepened the kiss against her skin, before he applied suction, all the while observing her reactions. “Oh my god,” She whimpered. 

It felt like nothing she had ever felt before. Her one hand was still grabbing the blanket while she senselessly caressed her body with the other one. She tried to look at him, but he had made her feel so intoxicated with lust and pleasure that she was all over the place. Instead she tried her hardest to focus on the newfound pulsing heat that was building up right where he was licking her. 

“Oh, Scott!” **–** She moaned after he found a good rhythm **–** “Keep doing that.” He became more determined to continue, gradually building his speed and intensity, even when his mouth and tongue couldn’t take it anymore. 

“God, don’t stop.” She gasped. Her little pleas and sobs encouraging him on. 

When he applied the pressure of his fingers, plunging and rubbing inside of her, it didn’t take long anymore until she became undone. The burning waves of pleasure rippled through her body and she was ruined. A complete and total wreck, sprawled on his bed, chest heaving up and down, and he had never seen something so beautiful before.


	17. A Christmas To Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The youngsters hang out after their Christmas Break. There's some gift-sharing and some girl-talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big portions in _italics_ are flashbacks.

Though [Y/N] was happy to see and be with her parents, after they had realized she was a mutant and had to send her to the X-Mansion to learn to fully control her powers and be amongst her own kind, her relationship with them had become strained. Her parents didn’t know how to handle having a daughter who was capable of _anything_. They certainly didn’t love her any less and they tried not to treat her any different, but since she could feel their emotions and read their thoughts, she knew that things had changed drastically. The physical distance had improved her relationship with her parents, but when they were confronted with one another again she realized that her home did not feel like home anymore. 

In only a short couple of months, the X-Mansion had become her new home and her tight-knit group of friends was her family. So when she got back, she immediately searched for the one person she saw as her sister. She knew that Jubilee would be around there somewhere, because she stayed at the X-Mansion during the break, like she had done each Christmas ever since she arrived there. [Y/N] knocked on her door and waited patiently. 

Moments later Jubilee opened the door and [Y/N] saw Everett was on her bed, who gave her a wave. “Oh, I’m disturbing you. I should come back later,” She was surprised. 

“Don’t be silly,” Jubilee pulled her friend in for a big hug, causing [Y/N] to smile. 

“I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too! It’s been so boring without you here.”

“Uhh, hello, I was still around,” Everett protested and Jubilee rolled her eyes. 

“Want to come in?”

“I guess that’s my cue,” Everett got off the bed.

“Oh, don’t leave!” [Y/N] said. 

“Nah, it’s good. We haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I’ve seen his sorry ass everyday **.** ” 

“Nice,” Everett commented sarcastically before planting a kiss on Jubilee’s lips. “See you girls later. Don’t talk about me.”

“You know we will,” Jubilee shouted after him. 

And so the girls did. Jubilee told [Y/N] about her holiday escapades. How she had missed [Y/N]’s company, and how she had even ventured into the library more often out of boredom, where she kept seeing Everett. Slowly they saw more of each other, which eventually led to them meeting up to hang out, especially at night. 

“Before I knew it we were on my bed making out.” Jubilee explained how their relationship had evolved from acquaintances to friends to dating, all in a stretch of some mere weeks. “And we’ve been doing that a lot so far,” she smiled. 

“Oh, I’m so happy for you,” [Y/N] smiled. 

“I guess not having all your friends around can push you out of your comfort zone.”

“Silver lining!” 

Jubilee asked [Y/N] all about her stay with her parents and how it was to see her old friends and family again. She tried to explain it the best she could, but after a while the topic wore her down and she wanted to focus on the positive and surround herself with people who understood, even if they did not know the whole truth about her. 

“I got you a present for Christmas. Actually, I got you two.” [Y/N] changed the topic. 

“You did! Oh, what is it!”

[Y/N] walked to her bag and grabbed the two gifts.

“Wait. I thought we could all give our gifts when everyone returned. As a group thing,” Jubilee said, feeling disappointed about her own idea. 

“That’s a great idea, Jubilee. You can open one now though, since I didn’t buy two for the others.” Jubilee jumped up excitedly. 

“I’ll have to give you mine later today, sorry!” She said in a serious tone, before taking the gift from [Y/N] and quickly tearing apart the wrapping. “Patience is not my virtue.”

“I know.” [Y/N] laughed. 

“Aw, this is so cute, [Y/N]! Thank you.” Jubilee hugged her friend again. “I love friendship bracelets, but I’ve never had one.”

“Well, now you do,” She beamed proudly.

“And it’s in my favorite color too! Could you help me with it?” 

“Of course! Annnnd…. all done! It looks good on you.”

“I’ll have to get you one too. By the way, love that ring, where'd you buy it?" Jubilee asked.

“Oh, I didn't. It's a family heirloom. It was given to my mom by her mom and for Christmas she gave it to me.” 

“Super nice! What's the occasion, just Christmas or?”

“Yeah, it was her way of saying that she loves me for me, but euhm… let’s not get into details or I'll ruin my makeup and _now_ is not the time for that.” 

“Right, gotta look all pretty for Scott.” Both jubilee and [Y/N] rolled their eyes, then laughed. 

“Whatever,” She tried to play it cool. 

“You must be so anxious,” Jubilee smirked.

“Ok, yes, I'm totally dying. Time apart is the worst.” 

“Yeah, I really missed you guys. Glad you're back.” 

“Aw, Jubilee. How touching.” 

“Shut up.” She threw her pillow at [Y/N] and the girls laughed while they both sat back on Jubilee’s bed so Jubilee could fill [Y/N] in on the low-down at the X-Mansion. Dramatic turn of events, such as explosive accidents or public love spats, were not out of the ordinary at the mansion, and so there was always something new to tell. 

 

——————————

 

One by one students came strolling back into the X-Mansion. Most of the group had assembled in the parlor, and were hugging each other and slowly catching up. Everyone was happy to see each other, but not so happy that classes would start again soon. 

“Well, we can still ignore classes for at least a couple of hours.” Jean said. 

“Make that a shitload of hours” **–** Jubilee winked **–** “cos I’m making most of my night too.”

“Yes, vhere is zat boyfriend of yours?” Kurt asked Jubilee and Jubilee shrugged.

“Ah, speaking of boyfriends. [Y/N],” Jean bobbed her head towards the doorway. 

Scott walked up to the group with his backpack strapped over one shoulder, “Hey guys!” Hesaid while he used his free arm to wrap around [Y/N] and nuzzle his nose against her neck. "Want to go up for a minute? Drop my bag and stuff" He pecked her neck and she hummed a ‘yes’. 

“And stuff?" Jubilee rolled her eyes as she poked Jean’s arm, who smiled in return. Scott put up his arm feigning innocence, and [Y/N] shyly nudged him out of the parlor. 

“Don’t forget that we’re meeting up before dinner!” Jubilee yelled after them.

As their excitement grew, they hurried their way up the stairs, with big grins spread across their face, trying not to race so a certain speedster would leave them alone. When they reached the floor, Scott immediately grabbed [Y/N] and pushed her against a wall in the boys' wing. He dropped his backpack and wrapped his arms around her whilst he gave her a proper hello kiss. 

"Hm. We're almost there, Scott.” She could not stop smiling, but she tried to look neutral and wriggled out of his arms. 

"What? I missed you!" He stated plainly. 

She walked backwards to his room so she could keep making eye contact with him. She flashed him a big smile, "Good, I missed you too." 

He stood in front of his door and looked for his keys with impatient hands, when she started nibbling his earlobe. The warmth and wetness of her touch immediately made him feel like he was on fire. It became more difficult for him to concentrate, though he tried his hardest to remain sane and place the key into the keyhole, even when he had to close his eyes and lean his head back in response to her teasing.

"You can open your first present inside," He snapped back to reality after hearing her words. With a raised brow he opened the door and let her in. She cheekily entered and he kicked back the door behind him, carelessly dropping his backpack on the floor again. 

"What's my gift?" He asked whilst taking off his leather jacket.

 

——————————

 

Huddled together in Jean’s room a couple of hours later, the group was finally ready to give their Christmas gifts to one another. [Y/N] would always feel awkward whenever she had to give someone a gift, because she didn’t consider herself to be a good gift-giver, but this time around she had tried her best to pay extra attention to the conversations she’d been having with her friends, and discreetly fish for ideas. 

For Kurt she found a newly released compilation album by Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five, “It’s so brand new, I knew you wouldn’t have this one yet.”

“You are right! I was going to buy it during our next trip to the mall. Thank you!” He had given her a big set of watercolor pencils that Scott had told him she needed. 

For Jean she bought the novel _The Mists of Avalon_ , “I remember you were told me that you really love Arthurian mythology, so why not rediscover the legend through the women’s perspective?”

“This is a great gift! Thank you.” Jean handed her gift to [Y/N] with a smile. “It’s kind of funny. I also got you a book! I saw it in the book store, and since you talk about New York City non-stop this book caught my eye. From what I’ve been told the story takes place there and it’s good.”

For Jubilee she got a VHS tape of _Legendary Weapons of China_ , “I mean, you’d been telling me about all these movies and I went through your little collection and saw this one was missing. Hope you like it!”

“I love it! Thanks!” She gave her a big smile. “So here, you finally get yours. It’s something I thought was missing _in your collection_!” [Y/N] unwrapped a deep purple lipstick. 

“Wow, this is intense!”

“But you like it, right?”

“Definitely! I’m wearing it tomorrow! Thanks so much.” 

“I’ve got great taste,” Jubilee congratulated herself. 

When it was Scott’s turn, she walked towards the chair he was sitting on and he playfully pulled her into his lap with a smirk. “A third present? You’re spoiling me.” 

“Third present? What else did you give him?” Jean asked, but immediately regretted it once she inadvertently read Scott’s mind and found out about his first and second present.

_So may be [Y/N] had gone a little overboard. Besides her ‘gift in kind’_ _that she gave a couple of hours earlier, she had also given him a silver picture frame with a picture of the two of them. The photo was taken in the hallway where she had first seen him. He had his arm around her, his hand was placed on her ribs and pulled her closer to him. They both had big goofy grins on their faces and she leaned her head towards him a little._

_Scott, who was still grateful about his first present, had given her a deep kiss and said, “Whenever I look at this picture, I’ll think of today and your previous gift.”_

_She had rolled her eyes, “Well, that’s charming.”_

[Y/N] wiggled a little until she was comfortable on his lap and then gave him his third and final present. “Oh, it’s _House of Secrets_! That’s a great comic. Thank you!” His hand reached to her neck and he pulled her closer to him, allowing him to brush his lips against hers before deepening the kiss with his tongue. 

“Yeah, we’re all still here.” Jubilee remarked dryly, and [Y/N] broke the kiss giving her friend a mocking look. 

In the mean time Scott took out his gift from his jeans pocket. “Here. This one is for you.”

It was a small flat box and it made [Y/N] curious. “What is it?” She asked excitedly. 

“One way to find out,” his hand had moved down to her hip and he stroked her naked skin just above her pants. 

She opened the box and gasped, “I wasn’t expecting that.” 

“Do you like it?” He sounded unsure. 

“I do! A lot.” She smiled at him, and he leaned forward for another kiss, which she reciprocated. 

“Vat is it?” Kurt asked eagerly. 

Scott took out the thin silver-colored necklace from the gift box and moved her hair to the side. “It’s a necklace“ **–** She answered after he had clasped it on **–** “with a butterfly pendant.” She turned her body towards the group, who were scattered over Jean’s bed, to show them. 

“My mom helped me pick it out. I had to give her credit if you liked it,” Scott mumbled to [Y/N], so only she could hear. 

“Was this before or after _that_ phone call?” She asked him with a smirk.

“After,” he gave her a tortured smile. 

“Well, then I appreciate it even more.” She snuggled up to him and he placed a kiss on her forehead. 

 

——————————

 

When night had fallen, the buzz of returning students outside subsided, and the cold breeze intensified. The curtains in her room were open, casting a soft beam of light inside, which bothered Jubilee so she walked up to close them. [Y/N] sat on Jubilee’s bed resting her back against the headboard and crossing her legs, thinking back to what had taken place earlier today. 

”You two were attached by the hip today,” Jubilee snapped [Y/N] out of her thoughts, and rummaged through her bag looking for something sweet. 

"Well, I hadn't seen him in two weeks. Going from everyday to nothing for two whole weeks is freaking hard," [Y/N] explained. 

"There's such a thing as a phone, you know!" Jubilee found her fave lollipops, Charms Sweet & Sour Pops, and offered one to her friend who declined. 

"We called a couple of times, but I had to pretend it was you, so it's not like the calls were very long or romantic.”

"What, why were you pretending to be talking to me?" She unwrapped the lollipop. 

"I think my dad would go ballistic if he found out his precious and _only_ teenage daughter, whom he had to send to a mutant boarding school out of necessity, is now sorta shacking up with her mutant boyfriend." 

"Ok, I'm hearing you. So no romantic calls?" She put the lollipop in her mouth. 

"No, we had to be super inconspicuous. Though..." 

"Yes?" Jubilee was eager to hear what she had to tell.

"There was one, euhm…, sorta dirty phone call when my parents went out to pick up my grandparents for Christmas." 

"Dirty? Working on your _Bad Reputation_ , huh. tell me more." 

[Y/N] laughed, feeling silly. She was somewhat embarrassed when it happened, embarrassed and aroused, and telling it to her best friend made her feel the same way again. 

"Well, I let it slip that my parents had left and Scott called me back from the wireless phone after he went upstairs." 

“That sounds exciting…” 

"And, euhm, we basically talked about how much we missed each other and where we missed each other.... and what we wanted to do about it. Well, Scott really zoomed in on that last one.” 

"Uhuh, I bet. You so dirty." Jubilee smirked. 

“Oh my god, stop it.” A blush crept up her face when she thought about what exactly had taken place on Christmas Eve. Though at first she had found it uncomfortable to be talking so openly about her desires with Scott, once he had described how much he wanted her, it had given her a thrill she hadn’t experienced before. She remembered how he had told her that he had wanted to tauten her breasts under his wet lips, that he wanted to feel the heat between her legs and make her cry out his name again. And when he had told her he had been touching himself, a rush of excitement had sped through her body, and her own hand had started exploring too. 

_“Why has your breathing changed?” Scott was curious._

_“No reason,” [Y/N] answered him shyly._

_“Hm,” He moaned. “Tell me, are you_ **_—_ ** _”_

_”Scott, dear, your uncle and... Oooh!” His mother averted her eyes quickly and turned around. Scott had been sitting on the edge of his bed with the phone in one hand and himself in the other._

_"Holy shit, mom," He shouted at her, then he dropped the phone on the bed and covered himself up quickly. "What did we say about you and dad bursting into my room?"_

_[Y/N] stopped touching herself and she listened intently to what was going on in the background on the other side of the phone call._

_"I'm sorry, Scott. I just_ **_—_ ** _" His mother stammered._

_"Could you not be in here right now?" He asked embarrassed, his voice still elevated._

_"Right, right." His mother walked outside and left the door ajar. "Your uncle and aunt are here. They want to see you. Can you come down?"_

_"I'll be right there.”_

_"And don't forget to wash your hands."_

_"Mommmm!!" He shut the door on her._

_[Y/N] heard some movement then his voice returned clearly on the phone._

_"Hey," he said softly._

_"Did that really just happen?" She asked, feeling both pity and amusement._

_"Yeah..., I should probably get going.”_

_"Oh, and I was just getting into it." She teased him. "Hm, yes.”_ **_–_ ** _She sighed_ **_–_ ** _“All those images you put in my head... I can't stop touching myself.”_

_"Oh, fuck." Scott gulped. "Where are you touching yourself?" He asked after a moment of silence._

_"Down there.” She whispered._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yeah..."_

_"How does it feel?"_

_"Wet," she whispered the word and in response he rubbed his hand over his bulge, now tucked away safely inside his jeans._

_"How are you touching yourself?" He asked next; his mouth had gone dry._

_"Oh, you know, with my_ **_—_ ** _"_

_"Scott Summers! Your mother called you down minutes ago. Now are you coming or do you want me to come and get you?" [Y/N] heard Scott's father say._

_"Shit." He mumbled. "I'm coming! I'm coming!” He shouted and she had to hold back a chuckle at the irony of his words._

_“Now!" His dad demanded._

_"I gotta go. I miss you. Sorry," he whispered on the phone and hung up with a click. [Y/N] leaned her head back against the kitchen wall and sighed. After she had taken a moment, she walked to her bedroom, so that at least one of the two could end the phone call satisfactorily._

"You're so easily provoked," Jubilee’s laughs jolted [Y/N] back to the conversation at hand.

Now that [Y/N] had admitted to having phone sex with Scott, she supposed she could not make it much worse, so she decided to spill the beans on what they did upstairs. "And also, I gave him a blowjob earlier today.”

Jubilee’s lollipop came out of her mouth with a loud pop. She did not see this coming. "How was it?" She raised an eyebrow. 

"Weird, but good. Quite a lot of work,” [Y/N] half-joked. 

"Yeah, that seems about right,” She said still shocked. "Worth repeating?" 

"Yes. I like how... he responded to it all.” 

_Scott was surprised but very eager to receive his first present, once she told him what it was. He closed the distance between their bodies by wrapping his arms around her waist, then he pressed his lips against her longingly. He stood still, focussing only on her mouth, consuming every bit of her that he could reach. Two weeks apart from one another was too long. Her impatient hands made their way up to his head, raking her nails through his hair. When she had to catch her breath, she grabbed his hair and pulled back his head. He groaned in response, whilst looking down in to her heavy-lidded eyes._

_“You don’t have to do it,” Scott tried to be a gentleman._

_“You don’t want me to?”_

_“I do. I really want you to. I just mean that_ **_—_ ** _” Having inhaled enough breath, [Y/N] was more than ready to continue their kissing, and so she shut him up._

_Her hands slithered down his body, “Shh.” She whispered against his lips and slowly unbuttoned his jeans._

"You _so_ dirty," Jubilee laughed again, putting the lollipop back in her mouth, and [Y/N] smiled giving her friend a poke. "You're one to talk!”

“I know! Hey, I’m strangely hungry now. Are you hungry too?” 

“Talking about phone sex and blow jobs work up an appetite for you, huh?”

“Ew, [Y/N]!”

“Pot. Kettle. Black.”

“That is not the link your brain should be making.”

“Your brain made it!”

“Nahuh, it didn’t!”

“Anywho, we just came back from dinner an hour ago.”

“I could have some more dessert?”

“Fine, let’s go!” [Y/N] rolled her eyes and got off the bed shaking her head at her friend, who just shrugged happily in response. “You know you’re gonna have to return the details about you and Everett, huh. I want to know everything.” 

“You will regret saying that,” The girls laughed as they made their way back down to the dining hall, happy to be together again and to chitchat about whatever their unfiltered and very creative minds came up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I could eat. Next chapter is up soon!  
> P.S. you might notice that a part of this chapter was also published as a drabble [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8859460).


	18. Love Will Tear Us Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N], Jubilee and Scott visit the American History Museum, where [Y/N] learns a bit more about what it means to be a mutant.

Several times a year groups of students who showed promise, excelled in their classes, or just really needed the extra credits were escorted by senior students and one teacher, and were allowed to visit museums, learn about historical monuments, and take other cultural trips. When life had gone back to normal at the X-Mansion, both [Y/N] and Jubilee were selected to visit one of the Smithsonian museums. Not because they showed promise -though surely they did show certain promise- nor because they were on the top of their class, but because they simply needed the extra credits. [Y/N] more than Jubilee, but Jubilee always liked a good excuse to see more of the world. Even if that meant sitting in a big bus for almost five hours; the girls always knew how to entertain themselves, and Scott was along for the trip as a supervising student to ensure they paid attention and did not wander off. Well, that was his self-appointed role, to which the girls rolled their eyes. 

Mr. McCoy took the group and several supervising students to the American History Museum which had a permanent exhibition about evolutionary mutation, and [Y/N] was actually interested in learning more about her genetic background - despite anything related to biology not being her field of interest. Ever since she discovered her first mutation, it had turned her world upside down, but it also affirmed to her something she knew deep down inside: that she was different. Accepting this truth was hard for her, because it was the last thing she wanted to be and so she hid it from everyone back at home. Coming to the X-Mansion had opened her up in ways she would have never thought possible, she finally belonged and felt at home, but she was still afraid to show all of herself. She was still hiding. Looking around at the walls of information, she hoped to obtain more knowledge about mutants and perhaps deeper insights into herself. _Maybe one day I could be free to be me?_ No matter how kind and accepting her new nest was, she was afraid of losing her sense of belonging all over again. She did not dare reveal herself in the fear that they might not be as accepting as she first thought; like she had experienced with her parents, the people who weresupposed to be on her side through thick and thin. Yes, they loved her. Yes, they took care of her when she was with them. But they were afraid of her, and that changed everything. It was something [Y/N] could not go through again. 

She stopped in front a banner that announced mutants, known Homos Superior, carried an X-gene that create exotic proteins, which in turn bring about mutations on other genes. _Huh, so there is an X-gene inside of me that has allowed me to absorb other mutants’ mutations? That’s kinda perverted._

“Homos Superior?” Jubilee asked as she and Scott stood still next to [Y/N]. 

“Well, I guess they’re not wrong…” [Y/N] said. 

“It does give off the wrong impression. Words mean something, and this makes it seem like we are better than the humans; like we are something to be feared.” Scott thought out loud. 

“Aren’t we… better than them? I mean, from a biological point of view. We do have all these abilities that the humans can only dream of.” [Y/N] didn’t know where this mindset was coming from.

“Well, mine hasn’t made me feel better than the humans. At first it only held me back, because I could not control it. I-I still can’t control it. I need these shades to do that for me.” Scott pointed to his sunglasses, then raised his shoulders. 

“I know, Scott…” [Y/N] felt bad for bringing it up. “I also had a hard time dealing with my mutation - and I still do actually. But I think that it is that way because we live in a world in which we are made to believe that our mutations are bad. And I want to stop feeling that way.” [Y/N] really did not understand yet why she was saying this. 

Perhaps being welcomed into the X-Mansion, learning to dominate and slowly coming to terms with her abilities, and now walking around the museum and reading all about the history of the Homos Superior had unlocked a newfound confidence within her; one that kind of made her proud to be different from the humans. 

The other two remained quiet, so she continued her rant: “You remember what happened in Washington, yeah? Those huge robot things?”

“Sentinels.” Scott said. 

“Yeah, sentinels. They wanted to do _that_ to us. That’s scary! No wonder we feel this way about ourselves, when you have to live in fear of who you are.”

“Life is better now, though. And we shouldn’t feel bad about ourselves.” Jubilee finally added. “There’s nothing wrong with us.” She grabbed both Scott and [Y/N], and dragged them with her to the next banner. 

“Indeed. There really isn’t.” [Y/N] realized the two had become less talkative, probably because of her negativity. “And from a social or cultural point of view, I suppose we want the same things, hm? To be loved, accepted, and all that mumbo jumbo?” She tried to lighten the mood. 

“Right, all that mumbo jumbo.” Scott gave them a small smile as he pulled [Y/N] closer to place a kiss on her lips.

“Oh brother, here we go again.” Jubilee rolled her eyes and walked towards another poster. 

[Y/N] decided not to mention that she had been looking into the mutant that had saved them all, the blue one, and the people she affiliated herself with. She had asked Jubilee about Mystique, because she was part of the school last year and helped rebuild the X-Mansion after En Sabah Nur had destroyed it. Jubilee also told her that a government asset came in and carried off several mutants. _The government had a part in that, for crying out loud. How are they not concerned about the state of the world right now_. The more [Y/N] discovered about this ongoing struggle between the humans and mutants, one she was now safely sheltered from, the more she began to question it, and the motives and tactics of those in charge. It made her both fearful of and cautious about the world outside of the X-Mansion, but so far she did not actively have to deal with it. 

This was different for her boyfriend, because as an X-Men he _was_ confronted with situations in which he had to stop harmful individuals of the human or mutant kind. It had taught him to see the world as shades of grey, where everyone could come out for the better if they learned to live alongside one another. _If mutants learned to fit in._ Though [Y/N] wanted to fit in more than anything, she wondered what that would require of her. _How much would I have to give up or give in, in order to be accepted by the humans?_ Living in the X-Mansion allowed her more comfort and harmony than she ever thought imaginable, but it was also living in exclusion from the human world. _The real world_. And she doubted the humans would be as accepting and inclusive as professor Xavier preached.

“When’s lunch, anyways? I’m starving.” Jubilee asked after the trio finished their walk around the exhibition.

“Uhm, in 52 minutes.” Scott looked at his watch. 

“Precisely?” [Y/N] laughed and she knew she got a deadpan look from Scott behind his glasses. 

“Oh no! That’s in forever. How will I survive?” Jubilee fussed. 

“I mean, we could just leave already? Lunch isn’t a collective thing, anyways.” [Y/N] suggested. 

“No wandering off, remember?” Scott said. 

“You could just tell Mr. McCoy, then we’re technically not wandering off.” Jubilee tried. 

“I doubt he’d appreciate that. He’s quite a stickler for the rules.” Scott remained firm. 

“Oh, unlike you then?” [Y/N] joked and she got another look. “I’m only joking! Sorta. Promise.”

“Then let’s not tell him. I don’t see any other workable option here. Waiting will not do. Unless you want to deal with a hungry me.” Jubilee said. 

“You don’t want that. Trust me.” [Y/N] smiled.

“Trust her.” Jubilee insisted. 

“I don’t know which one of you two is the worst influence.” Scott said half-amused. 

“Definitely her!” Both girls said in unison, then laughed. 

“We need to be back before the interactive examination starts.” Scott warned.

“Yes, yes. You’ll make sure of that.” [Y/N] locked her fingers with his and pulled him towards the exit. 

Scott looked around him quickly to make sure Mr. McCoy would not see them, so he could be spared another lecture about duty, leadership, and setting the right example. The three young mutants made a furtive departure and gleefully walked towards the cafeteria; ready to face the next challenge of their adventurous day together: what to eat?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Which one of the two is the worst influence, huh?  
> Next chapter is up soon. Follow me on [tumblr](http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com/) for fun stuff!


	19. I Know What Boys Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] asks Jubilee for some advice.

A soft breeze rushed through the blossoming trees, producing a boisterous sound against the windows of Jubilee’s bedroom. The temperature had slightly warmed up again, and different arrays of color were slowly returning in the backyard. [Y/N] sat on Jubilee’s bed and seesawed from side to side as she looked at the movement of the trees, and longed for springtime to return.

“I don’t know what it is, Jubilee, but your bed feels way more comfortable than mine does. It’s much softer or something.” [Y/N] said. 

“Probably because it got a lot of action. Kinda like what you’re doing to it right now.” Jubilee gave her friend a cheeky smile while she put her books from her bag in the bookcase. 

“Haha, oh my god,” **–** [Y/N] sat still **–** “you’re awful!” 

“And only joking… but not really.” Jubilee smiled widely. 

“So have you already? With Everett?” [Y/N] broached the topic shyly. 

“Have I what? Done _it_?” Jubilee sat down on her chair, and [Y/N] nodded. “Yeah, we did. It happened quite quickly, to be honest.” 

“Yeah, you’ve been together for about two months now?” 

“More or less.” Jubilee did the math in her head. 

“How was it? Did it hurt?” [Y/N] felt kind of silly. 

“Nah, but it wasn’t my first time ever. And it was… fast.” Jubilee laughed again. “But we’re working on that. What about you and Scott? Last time I asked you were being kinda vague.”

“That’s because we’ve only gone to third base so far. We’ve never done _it_ before.”She felt herself reddening. 

“Do you mean together or in general?”

“Both. Though I probably shouldn’t have revealed that about Scott.”

“That he’s a virgin?”

“Euhm, yeah.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with it?”

“Just not my thing to tell.”

“So… why did you bring it up then?” 

“Because, euhm, I think I’m ready to go all the way.” [Y/N] confessed. 

“Oh, what makes you feel that way?”

“I don’t know. It just feels right. He, euhm, he told me he loves me.” [Y/N] smiled at Jubilee. _I must look like a lovesick teenager._

“You look like a lovesick teenager.” Both girls chuckled. 

“That’s certainly true.” [Y/N] smiled again. “And I told him I love him back.”

“Aw, you two are so sweet, [Y/N]. I’m happy for you.” 

“Thank you, Jubilee.” [Y/N] thought back to when Scott had shared his feelings with her. 

_It was an ordinary day, and she was sitting against the headboard on his bed with his head on her lap, both enthralled with their reading - or so she thought. She was reading the book Jean had gifted her during the holidays; a book about a man in New York City, and she strangely connected with his struggles on many levels._

_Scott admired her while he mindlessly flipped through an old graphic novel. Her concentrated eyes devoured the pages of her book, her lips hung open slightly as she tried to take in as many words as possible, and her chest rose and fell slowly. She was completely absorbed by her book and he imagined her mind was busy creating an imaginary world, like she often reproduced in her drawings, and yet somehow she managed to look so peaceful._

_There was something about her that made him forget about himself, his worries and stress, his insecurities, and his continuously increasing responsibilities that required more and more of his time and efforts. She freed him of those things, and he would gladly lose himself in her, over and over again. He loved her curious and cheerful nature, even though it would often get them into trouble, because it usually guaranteed unexpected and fun adventures. He loved her adaptability and willingness to always try new and different things, because it meant he had to learn to be more open and flexible too. But most of all, he loved the way she looked at him when he made her smile. That was_ invaluable _._

_“You’re not reading your comic?” [Y/N] asked after she noticed he had let the comic rest on his chest._

_“Ah. Nah, I’m distracted.” Scott said._

_“Oh, what’s the matter?” She put her book away._

_“No, nothing. Nothing’s the matter.” He gave her a smile as her finger grazed over his face, slowly traveling to his hair, but not before she lingered it on his soft lips. “Hm, that’s nice.” He said when her fingers reached his forehead and disappeared into his dark brown locks._

_“Yeah? You like?” She smiled contently at herself._

_“No, I love.”_ **_–_ ** _He stopped her hand and enclosed it with his, before he sat up straight and looked her in the eyes_ **_–_ ** _“I-I love you.”_

_“You do?” She gulped._

_“I do…”_

_She looked at their hands. A strange feeling began to flourish deep inside of her at the realization of his sudden words; it was bewitching. She had been waiting to hear him say those words, ever since she discovered that the strength of her own sentiments for him had grown into something much more tender and passionate. It no longer was just liking and lust anymore; it was something new, something deeper. It must be love, and she was elated to hear him reciprocate the emotion._

_“Me too.” She whispered to him._

_“You love yourself too? That’s important.” A small smile lingered on his face while he squeezed her hand._

_“No! Well, yes! I mean, I love you too.” She tried again._

_“Great! That’s even better.” He beamed, then let out a relieved laugh. He cupped her chin and raised her face to meet his eyes again - or his sunglasses. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing… just surprised… and distracted.” Her eyes twinkled._

_“Yeah, this love thing is very distracting,”_ **_–_ ** _He leaned forward to brush his lips against hers, gently exploring her mouth like she had done only minutes ago to him with her finger. When she sighed into their kiss, he moved back and bit his lip a little_ **_–_ ** _“but I’m not complaining.”_

“So, when’s the big night? Or day - whatever floats your boat.” Jubilee pulled her out of her thoughts. 

“I don’t know. One of these days. I don’t want to plan it too much. Just see how it goes.” 

“Alright.”

“Oh my god, should I plan it?”

“Ha, no. You can do whatever you want, [Y/N]. You could discuss it with Scott, so he can prepare too. Or you could surprise him, but make sure you’re prepared then.”

“Prepared?”

“You know, protection.”

“Of course.” 

“You don’t want to get preggers, or what not.”

“Definitely not.” **–** [Y/N] shook her head **–** “I won’t be able to get my hands on wrappers though until we go to the mall. Oh my god, having to buy those… that will go down smoothly.” 

“Lucky for you, I’ve some lying around.” Jubilee walked to her nightstand. 

“No way.”

“Way. I mean, if we’re gonna be sexually active, we need to take care of everything ourselves, right? Best not to rely on someone else. A friend of mine taught me that.”

“Smart friend.” 

“Here you go.” Jubilee handed [Y/N] three condoms. 

“You’re awfully generous.” [Y/N] joked.

“Ah, you never know how many you’re going to need.” Jubilee shrugged and sat back down. 

“Thanks, Jubilee. You’re a lifesaver.” [Y/N] quickly put the items in her bag. 

“Yes, I think we’ve already established that. In return, all I ask for are details.” Jubilee smirked. 

[Y/N] laughed, “Of course, you do. Well, what about your first time? Like, did it hurt? I might learn a thing or two in the meantime, oh Wise One.”

Jubilee chuckled, but then eagerly told [Y/N] about the different experiences she has had so far, both good and bad. As the girls continued chatting, the day gradually broke into night while their bellies grew ravenous and their minds determined.

“Let’s see what’s for dinner. I’m starving.” [Y/N] said after she accidentally read Jubilee’s mind. 

“Ah, the foundation of our friendship.” Jubilee laughed and got up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe, kids.  
> Did you notice how a lot of chapters end with food? Lol, guess now you know where my mind usually is! :D


	20. Little Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little lies can get you in to trouble. [Y/N] and Scott have their first real fight.

It had finally happened. She had given herself to him completely, both in mind and body, and he had gladly returned the favor. After their first time together, his appetite for the union of their souls had become unquenchable, and she learned her own desire knew no boundaries. She also did not comprehend beforehand how much more connected she would feel to him during and after the deed. It made her realize she was still very unworldly, but that this act of unadulterated love -and not (just) of lust- had helped with her maturation from a girl into a young woman. 

She also thought it was peculiar how she transformed from her awkward self at the start of their lovemaking into a confident and focused person when she was close to reaching her peaks. This time it was no different. As she rocked her body back and forth on top of Scott, one arm supporting herself on his chest, and the other aiding herself between her legs, her mind was concentrating on the nearness of her climax. Her breathing was strained, her chest was about to explode and she was trying to endure that torturous delight just a little longer, filling the room with cries of love; her body was yearning for release, the heat inside the pit of her abdomen was slowly building its way up, and her feet tingled with pleasure.

But then all her concentration shattered into pieces when she heard her roommate, Jessa, placing her hand on the handle of their bedroom door, slowly turning it, then pushing the handle to open the door. A harsh yellow light started peeking into the room. 

“Oh, fuck!” [Y/N] briefly stopped her rocking motions to swing her arm to the door, causing the door to shut. 

“What the hell?!” Scott and [Y/N] heard Jessa shriek from behind the door. 

“Come back later,” [Y/N] shouted breathily. 

“Oh, Sweet Jesus.” They heard Jessa walking away, and [Y/N] tried to focus again. 

“How did you do that?” He asked between breaths as he made an effort to sit up. 

“Oh, Scott, later. I'm _so_ close,” She moaned with closed eyes, returning her hand between her legs as she quivered on top of him, inducing him to lie back down and hold on to her tighter. 

She wished he had forgotten all about the incident once they were both satiated, but he had only dropped the matter temporarily. As they both lied unclothed underneath the covers, arms and legs tangled, chests attempting to calm down, he broached the topic again. 

“Hey, [Y/N]?”

“Hm?” She nuzzled further into his body, her safe space. 

“How were you able to close the door like that? Without having to touch it?! I thought your power was only telepathy, but that was telekinesis.”

_Well, fuck. Stupid orgasm-induced-brain. How do I explain this? Continue lying to the guy who holds my heart? Make it an even bigger lie? Or come clean? But he will be angry… I don’t want him to be angry._

“I, euhm…” She was at a loss for words, and he remained quiet. “You’re very observant.” She sat up, pulling the covers with her, already creating the space she knew her answer required. 

“I am.” He mirrored her position.

“Telepathy is not my only ability.” She slowly began and wished she could see his damn eyes, so she could read his emotions, since she was too afraid to hear his thoughts.

“So you’re a telekinesist as well? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Yes and no.” 

“What?”

“I have both abilities, since they are part of my mutant ‘power’ - if you will.”

“What is your power then?” He was becoming tired of her ambiguous answers.

“I, euhm, can absorb any mutant power.” She said softly. 

“Like that Anna Marie girl?” 

“Yeah, except that mine doesn’t have her negative side-effect.. you know, where the person she takes the power from.. dies.”

“So how do you absorb the powers then?” 

“I just need to be in close proximity of the person, and see them use their powers once, then I can basically copy their powers and skill level.” 

“Wow.” He was dazed. 

“You’re not angry?” She asked hopefully and touched his arm.

“No, I’m fucking angry.” **–** He retracted his arm **–** “I can’t believe you lied to me for so long about something so big, and probably would have continued lying had I not asked about it.”

_Well, fuck_. Her eyes pricked as tears started welling up and a dull ache built in her stomach, tensing up into a tight knot. At first she had been ashamed about who she was, but now she was more ashamed about lying to him, especially after she heard the hurt in his voice. “I’m really sorry, Scott.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He sounded like a little boy. 

“I’ve wanted to tell you so often. I’ve want to share every part of me with you.” She answered immediately, hoping her speed would somehow convince him too. 

“So why didn’t you?”

“When I first came here I was afraid to share with people what I am capable of, because they become fearful of me when I do. I’m just a girl, and all I wanted was to belong and be loved… not to be looked at as a freak, as something to be terrified of… I thought I could finally fit in here if I just didn’t share that part of me. If I just told a little lie.”

“It’s not a little lie.”

She nodded, “And once you all accepted me so easily, I was afraid to lose you all. I _am_ afraid to lose you, Scott.” Her voice broke slightly and a tear fell down her cheek.

“You’re not going to lose me, [Y/N]“ ** _–_** He stroked her hand slightly ** _–_** “But I am going to need some time. I need to think.”

“Oh, ok.” She did not know what else to say as she watched him get out of her bed and put his clothes on. She tried to count numerous items in her bedroom, a way to distract her now-racing mind so no more teardrops would escape her eyes whilst he was here. 

“I’ll, uhm, see you later.” He grabbed his bag and she got out of her bed, wrapping the covers around her exposed body. He walked towards her and gently placed his thumb on her cheek to wipe away her tear, and her lip trembled as she nodded. She wanted to reach for him, but was afraid that he would pull back again, and she was not sure she could handle that form of rejection again, so she stood still and tried not to cry instead. 

After he closed the door, the tears came falling down, guilt washing over her and drowning any happiness she may have experienced earlier. Stricken with sorrow, she curled herself up in her bed, and the room softly filled itself with her sounds of despair. She could not believe how that one little lie, a lie not intended to harm anyone, a lie meant to shield her from future pain, was making her world collapse around her.

 

—————————————

 

Once she had calmed down -stopped having a physical reaction to her pain- she put on her clothes, and tried to remove any evidence of what had taken place earlier in her room. She tidied her bed, opened the curtains and a window, and washed her face. Her eyes were red and her nose was hurting, but it did not compare to the ache she felt inside her chest. She wanted to talk to Scott about it, to plead with him, and have him forgive her, but she knew she had to wait. She wanted to talk to Jubilee, hoping she could shed an encouraging light on to her dire situation, but that meant explaining to her that she had been lied to too - and [Y/N] could not deal with a conflict between herself and Jubilee right now. 

Alternatively, she walked to the communal bathroom to take a shower so she could clean herself and, hopefully, turn off her mind as the water would pour down her body. Unfortunately, it did the opposite. Yes, she did freshen up, but it did not alleviate her mental agony. She silently shed tears, which disappeared into the subsiding water quickly, hoping no one would hear her as her body finally began to relax again under the hot stream of her shower. 

 

—————————————

 

The following day, she knew she would see him again at dinner, so the whole day revolved around that point in time. She was unable to concentrate on her classes or carry conversations that required a lot of listening or talking. Jubilee confronted [Y/N] about her absentminded behavior, but she made a meager excuse about not having slept properly - that technically was not a lie. Not even a little one. When dinner came around and she saw both Kurt and Jean seated at the table but no Scott, her heart sank. _Was he lying when he said I wouldn’t lose him? Why wasn’t he here? Was he avoiding me?_ Questions bombarded her mind. 

“Where’s Scott?” Jubilee asked when they sat down at the table. _Bless her_. 

“Oh, X-Men business.” Jean smiled at the girls. 

“That’s rather sudden. Should we be worried?”

“Zat zeems unlikely. He just requested extra field-training,” Kurt answered. 

“Well, alright then. Did you know about this, [Y/N]?” Jubilee turned to [Y/N], but she just shook her head no, and aimlessly played with her food. 

After dinner and homework, [Y/N] had tried to evade Jubilee and her painful questions. Though Jubilee was not a mindreader, she knew that something was wrong and letting go was not her forte. So it should not have been entirely unexpected, when [Y/N] opened the door to her bedroom, in the hopes of finding Scott, that Jubilee was there with a worried look on her face.

“Oh, hi.” [Y/N] said quietly. 

“Hi right back.” Jubilee stepped inside, not waiting for an invite, and walked to [Y/N]’s chair to sit down. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s no beating around the bush with you, huh.” [Y/N] closed the door and sat on her bed. 

“Nope.” Jubilee waited for an answer. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jubilee.”

“Looks to me like you do.” 

“Ok, I can’t talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“You’ll hate me.”

“That seems unlikely, [Y/N]. I love you.” 

“I know. That only makes it worse.” 

“Come on. Get on with it. I won’t hate you.” Jubilee smiled gently. 

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Then I guess I won’t beat around the bush either…” ** _–_** [Y/N] stalled, now evading Jubilee’s eyes ** _–_** “I’ve been lying to you guys.” 

“Lying? How?” Jubilee raised her eyebrows. 

“I didn’t tell you truthfully what my mutation is.”

“It’s not telepathy? Then how come you read my mind so often?” Jubilee joked. 

“No, I do have the ability to read minds…” [Y/N] tried to explain as explicitly as possible what her actual mutant power was, what had taken place the day before with Scott, and how she was coping right now. 

To her surprise Jubilee was not angry with her. It took Jubilee a moment of silence and some thinking-out-loud, before she was able to move on. [Y/N] felt so incredibly relieved that Jubilee had shown her compassion, something she really needed right now. Jubilee’s unexpected consideration for and acknowledgement of [Y/N]’s feelings triggered her tears again, and once they fell down she could not stop weeping. 

“Shh. It’s ok, [Y/N].” ** _–_** Jubilee reassured her friend after she sat down next to her on the bed ** _–_** “Scott will come around. You’ll see. It’s not that bad. He will understand why you did what you did, just like I do.”

“I don’t know, Jubilee. He was really angry. He left so quickly. He avoided me today. I don’t know what to do.” [Y/N] wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. 

“Just give him time. You two had your first real confrontation, and he needs to deal with it.” 

“I wish he would just talk to me.”

“I know. He will, or else I’ll make him.” Jubilee tried to make her friend feel better. 

 

—————————————

 

It was not until the following day when she finally saw Scott again: at dinner time. She was anxious he would not make an appearance again, but fortunately this time he did show up. Walking up to the dinner table was nerve-wracking. A bout of jitters fluttered through her body when he looked in their direction as Jubilee and [Y/N] sat down. To her surprise he leaned towards her to peck her modestly on the lips while he said hello to both girls, before he returned to his food. 

“What's good today?” Jubilee asked while she eyed her friends. 

“Oh, just the usual. Classes. Training. Food.” Jean answered.

“Ja, finally the best part.” Kurt said. 

“I love our love for food. People just don’t understand the importance.” Jubilee said, then took a bite from her meatloaf. 

“Hm, ja. Yours looks good. Ach, I vish I could haffe zat too.” 

“Just go for seconds.” Jubilee shrugged. 

“Are you kidding? My stomach vill explode.”

“Then here take some of mine.” Jubilee pushed her plate towards Kurt. 

“Oh, just one bite. Zank you, Jubilee.”

“Yes, acknowledge my sacrifice.”

“I do.” **–** He put a piece of meatloaf in his mouth **–** “Hmmm, ja. Zo good.”

[Y/N] could not help but notice how Scott was not invested in the conversation that was taking place at the dinner table. He was often quiet and distant, so today was probably not very different from normal, but now every form of communication or lack thereof, verbal and nonverbal, stood out to her. She wondered what he was thinking. She needed to talk to him, she needed to know where they stood, and what he thought. She considered reading his mind, but she was afraid he would be upset with that too, so she decided against it and tried to be patient instead. Patience was not her specialty. 

“So [Y/N], no pressure, but have you gotten around to that drawing yet?” Jean snapped her out of her thoughts. Jean had seen some of [Y/N]’s works, and had asked her to draw a watercolor painting of the group, so she could hang it in her room.

“Ah, no. Sorry.”

“That’s ok.”

“I started with it, but I’ve been a little distracted. I’ll get back to it tomorrow.”

“Thanks!”

The conversation died down again, and Jean looked at Kurt who shrugged his shoulders. [Y/N] realized that the group was noticing the tension that was radiating from [Y/N], but she could not help it. Her mind was not working right now, or it was working but it was focused on just one thing: Scott. Lucky for her, Scott also noticed her behavior, so he decided not to dawdle after dinner, but invited her back to his room right after everyone finished their meal. 

The walk to his bedroom was painfully quiet, but not as painful as when they finally stood across from one another, in front of his bed, while she moved her foot from side to side. All she had wanted for the last couple of days was to talk things through with him, but now that she finally had that opportunity, her jaw was shut tight. 

“Wanna sit?” Scott pointed to the bed, finally breaking that awful silence. 

“I'm fine.” She crossed her arms defensively. 

“Ok...” 

“Where were you yesterday?” So her jaw wasn't shut that tightly once she started thinking about the things that bothered her. 

“I went on a mission.” 

“So suddenly?” 

“Yeah, had the chance, so figured I'd take it. The mission gave me room to breathe, take my mind off of our situation, so I could think about it rationally once I was done.” He explained matter-of-factly.

“I didn't know what to think.” She was hurting too.

“I needed time to think, I told you.” 

“I was afraid you'd leave me..." her voice broke, and he took a step towards her; his hands reached her crossed arms and he gently stroked her there. 

“I also said I wouldn't. I'm not gonna. I love you, [Y/N].” He pulled her into a hug and her body went soft in his loving arms. 

“I love you, Scott. I'm so sorry again.” The tears came rushing back. 

“I know.” He brushed her hair with his hand. 

“I shouldn't have lied. I'm sorry.” 

“I understand the lie at the beginning,” **–** he began **–** “but I don't understand why you chose to continually lie to me, day in and day out. You had so many chances to tell me, but didn’t. That hurts the most.”

She nodded into his chest and held on to him harder, acknowledging that she heard him.

“The only reason I found out is because I directly asked you about it. I seriously question whether you'd have ever told me otherwise.”

“Please believe me when I say I wanted to, Scott. It was really hard for me to keep this from you.” 

“I believe you.” **–** He reached for her face, so he could see her watery eyes **–** “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

She nodded her head again.

“Promise you'll come to me in the future, when you need to talk about something no matter how painful or hard you think it might be... for me, or us. I can handle it. I will always be able to handle it as long as you're open and honest with me. That's all I ask.” 

She swallowed deeply, “I promise, Scott. I will.” 

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you, Sco **—** ”

“Shh" **–** He placed a small kiss on her wet lips **–** “It's ok, baby.”

“We're ok?” She asked still unsure. 

He brushed his nose against hers while his lips lingered in front of hers, “We're ok.”

She craved his touch after being deprived of it for what felt like an eternity and under such pressing circumstances, so upon hearing those words she pushed her mouth onto his and deepened their kiss eagerly, while her arms reached his neck so she could pull him further into her. 

“Hey, slow down.” **–** Scott broke the kiss after she moved him towards his bed **–** “I'm not going anywhere, remember? We got all the time in the world.” 

“I just really need to feel you inside of me.” She kissed him again, and he didn't need to be told twice. 

His arms slithered around her waist and with a quick spin he lifted her off the ground and onto his bed. Her needy hands found their way to the zip of his pants and released Scott of his clothes only to imprison him with her mouth. His now free hands traveled to the back of her head, where he stroked her languidly as his pleasure rose and rose. Almost reaching his peak, he roughly grabbed her hair and brought her face to his lips. 

Returning the favor, he stripped her of her clothing and pushed all her right buttons. He had her crying out within minutes, but kept dancing on the edge as he deprived her off her climax. Before she had time to process it, he had turned them around, pinning her down with his body, and plunged inside of her. She cried out again, and he whispered in her ear that these were the only cries he ever wished to elicit from her, simultaneously sending a shiver down her spine and building warmth in her chest. 

Though his words were sweet, his movements were not. His quick and hard thrusts made the bed rock against the wall, but the both of them were too entranced with one another to notice. Pressure was building inside of her with each unapologetic thrust. His arms rested next to her head, her legs quivered as she tried to keep them wrapped around his waist, and her hands were pushed against the headboard to keep her body in place. Eventually, the cries he elicited from her turned into breathy whimpers until her noises died down completely, and silence took over. 

“I love you.” She whispered once she could string together a sentence again. 

“I love you too.” He said while he removed sticky locks of her hair from her face. 


	21. Sunday Bloody Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] can't concentrate, so she comes up with a little plan to distract Scott too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not into smut then you may want to skip this chapter, since all of it is unadulterated and exploitative smut, lol. Why exploitative, you ask? Cos you can understand the whole story without reading this chapter... but I just like the idea of 25 chapters more than 24... :') Boom. 
> 
> Though I would argue that you're gonna be missing out on some of their dynamics. **Happy reading!**

_Another Sunday and another study session with Scott_ , she thought bored out of her mind. It's not that she didn't appreciate Scott for helping her, but there's only so much mathematics a person can take, and she had reached her limit. Unfortunately, Scott never seemed to lose his concentration like she did. A skill she sometimes was envious of, but not today. Today it annoyed her, and so she decided to mess around with him. She wanted to see which buttons she had to push to make him lose his focus a little. It turned out to be much easier than expected. 

"Uhm.... ok," Was his slow response as he leaned back in his chair and admired the curve of her lower back, then he glided his eyes down to her cheeks and strong legs. Her tight jeans easily displayed her figure and he cleared his throat. 

"I just needed this paper," she explained after she sat back down next to him and pulled her shirt back in place, tugging it down lower than she'd normally wear it, so the naked skin of her breasts became more present. His face lowered slightly and she knew it was working. 

"Scott?" **–** She breathed and his face whipped back up **–** "Do you know what time it is?" 

She placed her hands on his knees and leaned forward, offering more cleavage, before digging her nails in his legs. His pants tightened around him slightly and he wondered what she was playing at. 

"Uhm, its 3.30 pm," He slowly looked at his watch, not wanting to take his eyes off of her. 

"Well, can you wrap it up because I'm kinda over it." Her hand moved up his leg inch by inch until he placed his own hand on top of hers to stop her. 

"Sure," **–** he gave a pained smile **–** “Uhm, where were we? Right, here. A possibly non-associative algebra over the real numbers is said to be formally real if it satisfies the property that a sum of…1" She whipped her hair to the other side, now granting him the sight of her neck, making last nights love marks visible. His words faltered as the memories of the warmth of her skin and the sound of her soft noises came back to him.

”Hey, you still there?" 

"Perhaps we could stop earlier today," He suggested and she smiled triumphantly.

 

—————————————

 

“Had a hard time focusing, Scott?” She was openly playing with him now. “Normally you’re so focused. What’s wrong?” She gave him an innocent look.

“Oh, you know what’s wrong.” He said darkly, grabbing her shirt and pulling her in his arms after he closed the door to his dorm. “You were being very distracting.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Her arms slithered around his neck and he held her tighter. 

“I’m sure you don’t.” He gave her a mischievous smile, dropped his hands to her bottom and squeezed hard. Her mouth opened in protest, but instead he captured her lips and slowly swirled his tongue inside. His mouth was warm against hers and his breath tickled her skin. Content, she moaned against his lips, and he stopped kissing her. 

“Hey!” _Why did you stop!_

_“_ That’s what you get for being a tease.” 

She didn’t respond verbally, instead she raised her heels and brushed her lips against his again. Then she deepened the kiss, trying to show him what kind of effect _he_ had on her. In return, his hand moved to the small of her back, ghosting his fingers over her naked skin underneath her shirt. 

“Hm,” She sighed when they broke the kiss. “I want more of that.”

“Yeah?” She nodded to his question, while he directed her to his bed. She closed her eyes as she felt the softness of his lips once more, immediately asking for access again, intensifying the butterflies in her stomach. Her legs hit his bed, and he nudged her on it. She crawled on his bed, still feeling a little unrestrained from the impact her teasing had on him, and gave him a seductive smile. His eyes glided over her body in appreciation before he hunched over her, and he planted wet kisses on her shoulder. Then he slid his tongue across her neck, sucking and biting gently when he reached her sensitive spot. She moaned then held in her breath, hands moving to his head to keep him in place. 

He stopped to move his mouth to her ear and whispered, “More like that?” She bit her lip, frustration building slowly, and nodded ‘yes’ when he looked at her. 

“Let’s take off your clothes then.” 

After taking her shirt off, his impatient lips found their way back to hers, and with fumbling hands he removed her bra. [Y/N] wanted to tease him about his sudden rush, but her mind quieted down when he slowly tormented her with hot kisses from her waist to her breasts. The sensation sent a shiver down her spine. Instead of giving attention to her nipples, he decided to roughly take her pants off. Then he took off his own clothing while he looked at her, an agitated expression covering her face, making him smirk. When he had undressed to his boxer, she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her. 

“Well, someone’s feeling impatient.”

“I’m just getting cold without your body heat.” 

“I can help with that,” He lied down on his side with her next to him on her back. He leaned forward to lock lips again, this time more urgently. She wanted to wrap her arm around his head, but he told her to be careful, so she stroked his bulge instead, eliciting soft groans from him. The flames within her body were completely ignited by now, and she pined for him badly. Just when she thought she had the upper hand during their study session, he had worked her up so easily only moments later. 

His fingers followed the curve of her body until he reached the source of her arousal, and he finally paid attention to her nipples, flicking his tongue over them gently, while he slowly caressed her swollen nub over her panties. He increased the speed of his fingers, and her need grew more dire, which didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Scott…” She whined, gripping on to his sheets. “Don’t be mean.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He kissed her lips and graced her nub lightly with his finger, causing her hips to jerk forward. The light touch had her aching for more. Her body was on fire, and he wasn’t giving her any release. Her exasperation had reached a new high. 

“You’re a jerk,” She spat before kissing him harder and he laughed into the kiss. 

“Ok, what do you want?” Still amused, he gave another kiss. 

“I want you to kiss me…” **–** She bit her lip, but then he rubbed her clitoris roughly, so she gasped out **–** “Ahhh, down there.”

His mouth traveled down to the fabric of her drenched underwear, and he smiled at the effect he had on her. He would have never in a million years have guessed that she’d allow him to commit all these depravities on and with her. He slowly removed her panties, and she looked at him, eyes half-shut and mouth half-open, then he spread her legs and he lazily stroked himself as he lowered his body. His lips found the inside of her thighs while his fingers circled her nub with her own wetness, gradually increasing speed. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. When she felt the flick of his tongue on her skin, she whimpered with delight. 

“Ahhh, right there…” She cooed when he applied more pressure, lightly kissing her and stroking her with the heat of his mouth, applying a bit of suction every now and then. After he found the spot that made her moan the hardest, his tongue found a firm rhythm and he inserted a finger inside of her to make her lose control faster. Her chest rose and fell as a tingling pleasure moved through her legs, and it became harder to compose herself. She held on for dear life to his sheets, so she wouldn’t grab his hair and push his face harder against her body. The heat that had built up was becoming overbearing and she needed to be set free. When she was about to give up, the burning heat flashed in jerky scatters through her body, and she cried out as relief finally washed over her. 

While she tried to catch her breath, he pumped himself through his boxers and took delight in her high. She opened her eyes again, and saw him staring. His face held a neutral expression, but his hair was ruffled, and his face was wet with her juices all over his swollen lips and chin. She bit her lips. Exhausted as she was, she didn’t want to stop. 

“Come here.” She panted. He took off his boxers and lied on top off her, legs resting in-between hers, his hardened state pressed firmly against her belly. He kissed her and she tasted herself. 

“Your face is so damn wet.” She laughed and wiped his chin clean. 

“You mean, you’re so damn wet.” He pressed his lips on hers again, gently caressing her tongue with his. He moved his hand down to position himself against her core, but she turned him around. Determinedly, she straddled him and pushed him back on the bed with both her hands. His mouth opened, and he bit his bottom lip as she whipped her hair back while he took in how commanding she looked on top of him. She hovered above him, and admired his broad chest with her hands, before brushing her thumb over his plump, wet lips. She shivered as his nails went to her legs and traced a pattern up to her thighs. 

“You look beautiful,” He said and she bent down to kiss him. She breathed harshly into the kiss, still sweaty and soaked from her orgasm, before her hand trailed down to his hardness, holding him up, and she slowly sunk down on him. His nails dug in her thighs and he bit back a groan as he tried not to jerk his body deeper into her, while her mouth opened in a silent moan, gradually taking him in. 

“Oh, Scott.” She finally whispered, making eye-contact, when he had filled her up completely. “This feels so good.” She leaned her forehead against his and tried to steady her breathing. Her movements were erratic and lacked focus. Her body was still recovering and she had to gather allher energy and concentration so she wouldn’t rush herself on top of him, trying to savor the sensation every time she took him in.

He helped to set up a fixed pace by squeezing and rocking her bottom, holding on to the small of her back gently, and he pulled his head up urgently to get better access to her mouth. Their lips brushed against each other hungrily, swallowing each others moans, as she increased her rhythm. She had to lean on her arm so she wouldn’t fall over, while her other arm made its way to her wetness to relief the pressure that was building up again. 

“Oh, Scott.” She whimpered again and he took her breast in his mouth while he caressed the other, producing another whimper. He twirled his tongue around her nipple before applying suction, and as her senses heightened she rode him faster with her arms resting on his chest. Her face made a pained expression. It was still too much. She couldn’t take it anymore. The maddening intensity without any release was becoming overwhelming again. When her body began to tremble he held on to her to keep her steady and he looked at her intently. His head fell back on the pillow and his mouth hung open from all the heavy breathing, then her body went weak and she cried out her moans as the pressure dissolved into ecstasy. 

Still craving his own release, Scott waited a couple of seconds before he turned them around, and nestled himself on top of her again, slowly digging deeper into her as he placed sloppy kisses in her neck. He wrapped her legs around him, and she tightened her hold on him while he rapidly began swaying back and forth. Languidly, she played with his hair and stroked his back, still making soft noises and panting each time he thrusted inside. He was so close. He only needed a little bit more. He moved increasingly faster until her heat drove him over the edge. Trembling and flustered, he collapsed on top of her and nuzzled her hair. 

“You’re getting really heavy,” [Y/N] complained after some minutes, urging him to move. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He lied down on his side slowly and pulled her body next to his, so they could cuddle. He yawned softly, but wrapped an arm around her waist. Wanting to feel his body, she closed the gap between them and wriggled against his groin. He groaned and slid his hand over her hips, kissing her shoulder. 

“I can’t go again. You’ve worn me out.” She hummed lazily while she took hold of his arm and let it rest underneath her chest, inducing a chuckle on his part. 

He kissed her shoulder again, “You were amazing. Go sleep, gorgeous.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnote 1: [Jordan Algebra](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_algebra#Generalizations%20)


	22. Total Eclipse Of The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big changes in life are always unexpected, and when they come... they hit you hard. [Y/N] receives troubling news.

As time had gone by, Scott had truly come to forgive [Y/N] for her lies and he had convinced her to tell the rest of the group who did not know yet. They took it in stride, since they once dealt with similar feelings of anxiety and fear of who or what they are, and she realized she should never have hidden it from them in the first place - or at least have told them sooner. Scott understood she was hesitant about revealing her true abilities, and so he did not broach the topic of her possibly joining the X-Men until he thought she would be more tolerant. 

“Be part of the X-Men? No thanks!” She disregarded his casual suggestion as they walked into the dining hall for their dinner. 

“What? Is there something wrong with the X-Men?” His posture immediately became tense. 

“It’s just… not for me. I’m not one to uphold… I don’t know, to serve and protect is not really my thing. I mean, I’m just an awkward teenager, and fighting against evil is kinda overwhelming right now.” She tried more tactfully now. 

_Man, I suck at this_ , she thought. She did not want to tell him that she had begun questioning the effectiveness of the X-Men, that she had begun wondering if there was a point to the existence of that group; that perhaps it would be more useful to fight the evil ideology held by human communities than just fight the evil wrongdoing of human and mutant individuals. But she could not tell him that. It would lead to conflict, and that was something she wanted to avoid after the last time they fought. 

“Ah, of course. I understand that. It _is_ overwhelming.” **–** He gently pulled her into his arms **–** “I would never pressure you into that, or into anything for that matter. I’m sorry.”

“I know, Scott. You really don’t have to apologize. I should be saying sorry for being a bit rude there, so, euhm, sorry.” She gave him an anxious smile, and he pecked her lips.

“You guys, we’re right here, you know.” Jubilee jokingly thew her hands in the air before taking another bite of her dinner. 

Scott rolled his eyes while [Y/N] sat down, “I’m gonna go wait in line. I’m starving.” He ignored Jubilee. 

“I’ll grab some food later. There’s just way too many people there, and I hate waiting like that.” [Y/N] gave him a smile. 

“I can get something for you, if you want?”

“Hm, alright. Surprise me.” She said and he nodded thoughtfully. “Pick fries, if they’ve got fries.” She shouted after him and he smirked in return. “Oh, no. What is he up to?!” 

“Have you told him your least favorite food?” Jean asked. 

“I already regret everything,” [Y/N] said.

“Be prepared.” Jean smiled.

“Great.” 

As it turned out, Scott did not get her her least favorite food -probably because it was not on the menu- but he did get her an interesting combination of food: meatloaf with Belgian endives, olives, red cabbage and a banana. Oh, he _did_ add some French fries on the side.

“Scott, what the hell?!” [Y/N] looked at her plate while the others tried to keep a neutral face. 

“What’s wrong?” His voice was emotionless. 

“You’re the worst! This is the weirdest combination ever.”

“Is that a challenge?” He asked.

“Ugh,” **–** _Perhaps I shouldn’t tempt him further_ **–** _“_ at least there’s French fries.”

“I could go get something else for you…” He suggested.

“No, please, God. Sit down.” She eyed his plate, but he moved it closer to himself whilst givingher another smirk. 

“The absolute worst. I’ll get you for this.” She muttered. 

“Can’t wait.” He took a bite of his meal and she stuck out her tongue in return. “Nice.”

To change the topic, and to shut Scott up, Jean brought up a topic she found particularly frustrating and entertaining. “Anyways, so I use menstrual pads, right… and I wondered if I am the only one. Hear me out. I never know which side goes where in my underwear. It's so freaking confusing.” 

It worked. Scott did shut up, and Kurt confusedly asked him what exactly menstrual pads are. He did not really know the answer himself. Not really.

“Oh my god, I know! I thought I was the only one with this problem!” Jubilee said. 

“And like, what if I'm doing it wrong and it just means I get more blood stains on my bed the next day?” [Y/N] added. 

“Yeah, how are we supposed to know this if they don't tell you!” Jubilee threw her hands in the air again. 

“You'd think there's at least one genius up there in the design team or the board of whatevers, who goes 'but which side is which?' Am I right?” [Y/N] shook her head. 

“Probably because none of them are female.” Jean concluded. 

“Freaking useless.” Jubilee said. 

“Vov, vat put you three in zuch man-hating moods today?” Kurt asked once he caught up. 

“Patriarchy!” All three girls said in unison, then they smiled at one another.

“And no. We're not on our period!” Jubilee remarked. 

“Well, technically I am.” [Y/N] shrugged. 

“Damn, I better stay out of the way.” Scott teased again. 

“You better not. You better deal with it, just like I do.” 

“Ok.” He gave her a small smile. 

“Yeah, Scott. Don't be such a douche.” Jubilee raised her eyebrow. 

“I'm not. I swear. I'll deal with anything for [Y/N].” He smiled from ear to ear now, and she just laughed at his ridiculous face. 

“You're such a dork. Come here.” 

He leaned towards her, and she cupped his chin so she could press a modest kiss on his lips. 

“But don’t think I forgot about the food. I’ll never forget about the food.” She quickly added and he laughed again before placing another kiss on her lips.

“Excuse me, [Y/N]?” 

She turned her head to see her gym teacher and counsellor standing next to her. 

“Oh, Mr. Maximoff?”

“Could we have a word?”

“Sure?” _What did he want?_

She gave Scott, who had gotten up from his seat too, a reassuring smile and walked with Mr. Maximoff towards the hallway.

“It’s just a small formality. Professor Xavier asked me to invite you to his office. There’s something he’d like to discuss with you.”

“Oh… sure.”

“Right now.” 

His voice was stern and steady, not at all like how he would normally speak to her, so she knew something was wrong. 

“Is everything ok?”

“I-I think professor Xavier can better answer that question for you. Let me walk you.”

“No, it’s alright. I’m alright.” She rushed to his office. 

 

—————————————

 

“Yes, professor?” The short walk to his office had made her impatient. He ushered her to a seat in front of his desk. She dragged her feet towards the chair and with a light plop she sat down. Her eyes roamed his desk in the hopes of finding the answer there. There was nothing. She began to fidget the hem of her dress through her fingers.

“There’s no easy way to tell you this, Ms. [Y/L/N]. I’ve been informed that your parents have been in a car crash.” Professor Xavier moved behind his desk.

His words hit her like a ton of bricks, and her eyes immediately flew towards the windows, to the view of young mutants playing around with one another in the enormous backyard of the X-Mansion, laughing and roaring, without a worry in the world. She felt her eyes begin to well up.

“Ms. [Y/L/N]? Did you hear me?”

“A-are they ok?” Her voice broke. 

“I spoke to your father. He is fine. He only has a few scratches on him, but… your mother has been hospitalized.” 

“My mother?” The tears pricked at her eyes. 

“Yes, I don’t know the details, but we can leave right now so we can see your mother. Ok?” 

She nodded slowly. All the excitement and joy she had felt only minutes before had dissipated like a cloud in the sky. She slumped down in her seat, his words still not sinking in completely. _This can’t be happening_.

“Are you ready to leave, Ms. [Y/L/N]? Or do you need a minute?”

She finally made eye-contact with him and got out of her chair quickly, “Let’s go.”

“Is there someone else you’d like to bring along?”

“No, let’s just go. Please.”

The drive to the hospital was one of the longest and most frightening experiences [Y/N] had undergone. Being left alone with one’s mind and the undisclosed nature of such an alarming situation brought out her greatest nightmares. What ifs would not stop rushing through her mind, no matter how much the professor would try and calm her. She could sense he was uncertain too, so she tried to think of happy memories - memories to distract her. 

_“Mommy, mommy! I’m home.” A young [Y/N] shouted happily after she entered her home from a long day at elementary school._

_“I can hear that.” Her mom dried her hands on her apron as walked out of the kitchen and embraced [Y/N] tightly. “Had a good day?”_

_“It was ok. I’m hungry!” She dropped her bag on the floor and skipped into the kitchen._

_“Of course you are. What do you want?”_

_“Hmmmmm, fries!”_

_“Again? You had those yesterday… and the day before yesterday. There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of variety, you know, [Y/N].” Her mother placed her hands on her waist, but from the upward lift of her mother’s mouth, [Y/N] knew she was only teasing._

_“But can I? I just love it when you make them. All thin and crispy, it’s better than McDonald’s!”_

_“Well, flattery will get you whatever you want.” Her mother winked and [Y/N]’s ponytails bounced lightly in the air as she went to her little play corner._

_“Thanks, mommy.”_

_Her mother shook her head in amusement, but she grabbed a couple of potatoes nonetheless._

With little avail, she scampered through the hospital in search of her parents. With big, impatient eyes she looked at the conversations that took place between her professor and the medical staff, as he tried his hardest to locate her parents for her instead. _This was taking forever_. She needed to know if they were fine. _If she was fine_. 

“I’ve sent your father home. He really needed some rest. Please have a seat.” The medical doctor informed them when professor Xavier found him. 

“I don’t want to sit. I’ve been sitting for the last couple of hours. Where is she?” [Y/N] could not get rid of that tight knot in her stomach. 

“The car crash injured her thorax severely, and we did all we could to minimize the damage while we waited for the surgery. We continuously treated her with fluid resuscitation **—** ”

“Surgery? She had surgery? Is she ok?!”

“We were able to take care of some of her injuries. However, and I am very sorry about this, the status and degree of internal damage to your mother’s organs were inoperable **—** ”

“Were? Inoperable? What do you mean?” 

“She died of aortic rupture.”

She took a step away from the physician. _This isn’t happening_. He gave her a sympathetic smile while the professor put his hand on her arm. _This can’t be happening_. The two men stared at her, but all she noticed was how darkness was encircling them. _She’s not… she’s not…_ She looked down at her feet and tried to focus on her breathing. _Breathe in_. The knot that had formed in her stomach seemed to have moved to her throat, where it was suffocating her. _Breathe out_. Her world started to spin around as her body weakened and fell to the ground. 

“Ms. [Y/L/N]? Hi there. This is Doctor Jones. Do you remember me?”

She gave a weak nod. For a second she did not realize where she was and what she was doing there. Then realization slapped her in the face once more and everyone seemed far away again; all that she could think of was ‘she died of aortic rupture’. 

“Good. How’s your breathing?” He asked while he checked the pupils of her eyes.

“It’s, euhm, fine.” **–** She swallowed, the tone of her voice was flat **–** “My throat is dry.”

“Nurse Rogers, get the young lady some water. Mr. Xavier, you will remain with her?”

“Professor, and yes. Yes, of course.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Ms. [Y/L/N].” 

She did not respond. 

Professor Xavier moved his wheelchair in front of her chair, “[Y/N]…”

“Where is she? Can I see her?” 

“When your father is here, the doctor said.”

“When will he be here?”

“I’ve called him. He’s coming over.”

“Thank you, professor.” 

She folded her arms around herself, her hands touched her upper arms, and she tried to not think about what the doctor had told her. She heard the nurse move towards her and hand her the water, but all she could do was look down. Her body began to slowly sway back and forth. 

“Dear [Y/N]. Drink some water. You said your throat was dry.” Professor Xavier said.

“I-I… thank you.” She sighed and accepted the water. 

As she brought the cup to her face she noticed the emerald green ring on her finger. The family heirloom that her mother had given her this Christmas. The offering in which her mother had placed all her unsaid emotions and regrets. Tears began to return to her eyes. 

_“Here you go, my sweetheart.” Her mother selected a gift from underneath their cliche green-red-decorated Christmas tree and sat down next to [Y/N]. “This one is yours.”_

_“Oh! Wow, mom. This is small. I wonder what it could be?! Is it an engagement ring? Are you going to propose to me, mom? I’m not into you like that, though.” She accepted the gift quickly before her mother had a chance to pull back her hands._

_“Don’t be ridiculous, [Y/N]. You’re not my type at all.”_

_“Ew, mom.” She tore her gift open. “Oh, wow.”_

_“Do you like it?” Her mother gave her father a hopeful smile while he handed his parents more spiked hot chocolate._

_“Of course she will.” He said._

_[Y/N] removed the small ribbon and opened the little box. Inside she found an antique ring with a thin silver band and bright green emerald gemstones._

_“Oh my god, mom. You’re giving me nanna’s ring?”_

_“I am.” Her mother beamed at the reaction of her daughter._

_“But why? I’m not planning on marrying anytime soon?”_

_“And you better not.” Her father said._

_“Oh, Jim. Lay off. We wanted to give you the ring, because we love you.”_

_“Aw, mom.”_

_“…And also, I wanted to say that we should have handled the situation from several months ago better. When we discovered that you’re a… mutant. I feel terrible about it. We love you… even if things are the way they are.” Her mother said._

_“I absolutely love this ring,” [Y/N] knew she had to be considerate here._

_“I remember. You were always trying to steal it off my hand as a little girl.”_

_“You noticed that, huh?”_ **_–_** _[Y/N] put the ring on her finger_ ** _–_ ** _“Fits like a glove.”_

_“Well, subtlety has never been your strong suit, sweetheart.” Her mother smiled._

_“I love it, mom. Thank you so much. You too, dad.” She hugged her mother._

It had been weird to return to her parents for the Christmas holidays, because she knew how her parents felt about her, even if they would not openly tell her. After all, they were simple and traditional folks, who believed in a higher being that would take care of them and this Earth, so when they found out what their daughter was capable of, it was very confronting for all of them. Though they did not verbally communicate it with her, she -of course- could read their minds, and she was aware of their conflicting feelings. No matter how much they loved her, in their hearts her parents believed that no one should have powers, and certainly not such an unlimited amount of power like their daughter did. Nevertheless, [Y/N] accepted the ring and looked at it as a step in the direction of acceptance; a willingness of her parents to try and properly deal with the situation, and she loved them all the more for it. 

“D-Dad? You’re here.” 

She got up from her chair and ran towards her father. She threw her arms around him, trying to find comfort and love in his arms, but he did not move an inch. 

“I can’t believe… the doctor said that mom is gone…” **–** She finally said it **–** “Dad?” She looked up in his eyes. 

He grabbed her arms and placed them back next to her body before he backed away from her, “This is all your fault!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is a story without some pain? I'm sorry.  
> Next chapter coming up soon! Check out [my tumblr](http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com/) in the meantime.


	23. Human Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] tries to deal with her emotions...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how they say 'sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together'? Well...

Her father’s words hit her hard. _This is all my fault?_ She moved backwards, bewildered and unable to think clearly, when she noticed professor Xavier behind her. Her body froze in shame and she pressed her teeth together. 

“What… what are you saying, dad?” 

She looked at him, hoping to establish some sort of an emotional connection, but his vision was blurred by angry tears and his face reddened as hers was being deprived of color at the hand of her father’s reaction. 

“You know what I mean.” **–** Her father hissed **–** “This is because of you. _You_ did this!”

“ME? How did I **—** “

“You know how! If it weren’t for your _abnormality_ then this never would have happened!”

“What does _that_ have to do with mom?” 

“The people who hit us. They knew. About you.”

“What? How?” 

“Ever since Christmas, no ever since you’ve been away, your mother - she tried to accept you. Told others about you. And you so carelessly used your devil abilities in public. Choking that poor girl.”

His accusatory words cut right through her skin, ripping her hidden wounds open again, raw and bleeding, the pain spread through her body. She did not think she could feel any more pain after the news the doctor had given her, but here it was. 

“I-I didn’t mean to - I just didn’t know how to control it yet, dad!” 

“Well, a lot of people saw. Not just us.” 

“You’re saying these people intentionally caused the car crash?” 

“Because of you!”

“I don’t understand…” Her voice died down. 

“You people should not have these abilities. You shouldn’t have. It’s not human! It isn’t just, and now God made us pay the price for it. Your mother paid that price!” 

She moved her eyes to the ground while she tried to control the emotions that quickly started to rise up inside of her. Her father kept on criticizing her and professor Xavier intervened by telling him this was not the time nor the place to continue this conversation, but [Y/N] did not hear them anymore. All she could think of was how her mother’s death was not an accident, how her death could have been prevented, how her death was related to [Y/N]’s DNA. _I don’t fucking get it. Why would they do such a thing. It’s just genetics. It’s just biology. I’ve never meant to hurt anyone. Why…_ Her mind was racing as each question was left unanswered, and her blood began to boil. She could not be here anymore. She could not be around her father, not if he was doing this. _I-I… I don’t understand_. She had tried to hold back her tears, to hold back her crying, but as the dull grey walls moved in closer, her tears began to escape from her eyes, and so with a few fast-paced steps she ran out of the suffocating hospital. 

Out of breath, and still left trembling after the confrontation, she stumbled towards a bench and slumped against it. Her chest rose and fell heavily as each burning breathe coursed through her lunges. _This can’t be happening. This is not how my life is supposed to go. I just…_ With shaking hands, she wiped away the persistent tears from her cheeks.

“[Y/N], are you ok? Your father should not have said those hurtful things.” Professor Xavier said once he found her outside of the hospital. 

“Can we just go? I-I want to go home.” 

 

—————————————

 

A knock on her bedroom door stirred her body into action. She shifted in bed and contemplated opening the door or continuing drowning out the world - something she had been doing since she visited the hospital yesterday. Another knock. _Ugh._ She sniffed and blew her nose on a tissue before she pulled the covers over her head.

“[Y/N]? I can hear you in there.” It was Scott. 

“I’m not here.”

“Can I come in?” 

She remained silent, then she heard the door opening and she held on tight to her blanket. 

“Hey…” **–** He sat down next to her on the bed and gently removed the covers from her face **–** “I heard what happened. I’m so sorry.” 

“How?” She sat up and pressed her back against the headboard and stared out behind Scott. 

“Well, Jessa found me this morning to tell me something was wrong, and then professor Xavier filled me in.”

“He had no right.”

“He just thought you might want to talk to someone.” **–** Scott placed his hands on hers **–** “How are you?” 

She raised her shoulders slightly, and he nodded knowingly. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

She shook her head and her gaze traveled to anywhere but his face. Her room, this place, her home, looked utterly foreign. The brown walls and furniture that once glistened when the sun would shine through the high windows, now seemed bleak and cold. The piles of books and notes, spread messily on her desk, were slowly catching dust and reminded her of an earlier life she led; one in which those books mattered, in which her grades stressed her out, and friends gave her a sense of belonging and understanding. Now she understood nothing and nothing mattered. 

_What was there to talk about?_ Her mother was gone, and she was here. _It made no sense_. She asked if he could hold her instead, and he immediately wrapped his loving arms around her body, allowing her to nuzzle against his chest. His heartbeat was constant and slow against her ear, she counted each vital beat, and little by little she finally found sleep. 

 

—————————————

 

It took some time, but eventually [Y/N] ventured outside of her room. She was not ready to return to her classes, but food called out to her, and she had grown tired of relying on Scott and Jubilee to bring her dinner and sit with her as they ate together in silence in her dark and dank room. It was time to slowly start moving forward again. She was ready for that. 

“What were you guys talking about earlier?” [Y/N] asked Jubilee after dinner. 

“Oh, you, actually.”

“What? Me? Why?!”

“Kurt just mentioned how useful one of the abilities that you’ve copied would have been on their previous mission.”

“Ah. Awkward.”

“Yeah…”

“What is it? Do you _also_ think I should join the team?”

“I think you should do whatever you want.”

“Good.”

“But if I were being completely honest…”

“Yes?”

“… then I’m glad you haven’t. Joined, I mean.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s stupid. It’s selfish, really.”

“You don’t want to feel excluded?”

“Yeah,” **–** She sighed **–** “seems like I’m not good enough.”

“You are, Jubilee! Besides your amazing power, you also have kick-ass fighting skills. Just keep honing those. You’ll be part of the team, eventually. I know it.”

“It’s not only that. I love Kurt, Jean, and Scott, but sometimes they’re hard to deal with it. They talk about their missions or things that happened when I wasn’t there… they’re their own little clique inside of ours. It can be lonely. Guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m glad you came around. My little stray.” 

“I’m glad to have you too, Jubilee. Especially now.”

The two girls hugged, and [Y/N] considered broaching the topic of her mother. 

“So how have you been doing, [Y/N]? You’ve been really absent.”

“Just been in my head. Thinking.”

“What you been thinking about?”

“My mom. My dad. Humans. Mutants. Why they hate us so.”

“They don’t. Not all of them. And your dad… don’t listen to what he said. He’s just hurting. This was not your fault. You should not blame yourself.”

“You’re just like Scott.” [Y/N]’s annoyance slipped out.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really think humans will live together peacefully with mutants? If my damn parents, my flesh and blood, couldn’t completely accept me -accept us-, then how could other humans?”

Jubilee was about to respond, but [Y/N] could not keep having this conversation. First with professor Xavier, then Scott, and now Jubilee too. It was exhausting. She gave her friend another hug, before she said her goodbye. She decided to return to her room and do some reading instead. Jubilee did not understand. They all did not understand. 

_My father was not entirely wrong. It_ was _my fault. My mother did die because of what I am, because people fail to see that there is nothing wrong with what I am. Why can’t they see that there is nothing wrong with being a mutant?_ She closed her book in frustration. She was not going to get any reading done like this. _Fuck the reading, anyways. What’s the point of it all? Mom’s gone and I’m here… alone. Left with all this pain. This unimaginable pain. And there’s nothing I can do about it._ Her room was quiet, she heard nothing but the ticking of Jessa’s watch on her desk, and [Y/N] wanted to smash it. She wanted to take out her feelings on everything and anything, but knew she could not, so she grabbed her blankets instead and pulled it over her head as she curled up in her bed. All the inaction made her immobile and small. She felt inadequate and powerless, she felt like she did when she first arrived at the X-Mansion: like a little girl who was unable to deal with her life. 

Her body trembled against the blanket, but she soon took comfort in the darkness and warmth that her covers provided. Deep down inside of her there was a nagging voice that told her how she could be strong again. She knew how she could turn all that hardship, all that anger, into something functional. She wished she could make her life feel worthwhile again, because this way it was void of all meaning, but it would come at another great cost. 

 

—————————————

 

Her fingers tightened around a soft paintbrush, and she dipped it into her little bowl of water, creating small ripples that died when they reached the edge of the bowl. She let out a long and deep breath, and stared at the piece of paper in front of her. She tried to focus all her attention on the five persons she had drawn out in her colorful sketch, so she could make herself and her friends come alive with the strokes of her moistened brush. 

The watercolor drawing had been long overdue, but she had forgotten to finish it once her life had gone back to normal after her first fight with Scott, and Jean had been incredibly patient. She was determined this time. She knew she had to finish the drawing. It was one of the few things she still had control over. Her hand moved the brush over the paper, gently applying pressure and staining the colors with specks of water that she smeared out until the two fused into one smooth pigment.

Normally this process would keep out all her thoughts and her mind would solely focus on the act of staining, blending, and processing. At the moment, all she could think of, as she brought more color to each of her friends, was how easily they had become such important parts of her life, and how much she had come to care for them over the last year.

_“Where are you guys taking me?” She smiled at her friends as they escorted her to an unknown area within the X-Mansion._

_“To a place we know you will love!” Jean opened the door, and they stepped inside one by one._

_“This is the kitchen?” [Y/N] asked while she looked around the huge kitchen._

_“Ja!” Kurt said._

_“And why am we here?” [Y/N] gave them a funny look._

_“Well, we bribed the chef… and they made a chocolate cake for you.” Jean explained._

_“Oh, my favorite!” [Y/N] gasped._

_“Before you ask ‘why’ again, it’s because you won the drawing contest and you’re gonna get awarded the title you wanted so badly.” Scott said._

_“Oh my God, no!”_

_“Yes!” Jubilee grabbed [Y/N]’s arms and began shaking them._

_“Oh my God.. oh my God.” [Y/N] couldn't help but jump up and down as she saw the smiling faces of their friends who nodded their heads in confirmation. She hugged Jubilee excitedly, still bouncing around, then pulled Scott into the hug and called for the others._ _She had never felt as loved and supported by her friends as she did in that moment. They had gone out of their way to do something kind for her, and it filled her heart with warmth and happiness._

_“I can’t believe you all did this for me.” [Y/N] said as she took a big bite of her cake._

_“You’re an amazing artist, [Y/N].” Kurt gave her a pat on the back._

_“And we know how much you love cake.” Jubilee smirked._

The movements of her hand became increasingly faster and were dragged out. It was not about precision or style anymore; it was about pouring her soul into the drawing - about spilling all her unspoken thoughts and emotions into the damply glazed details of the neon-yellow jacket, the fiery red hair, or the dark blue skin. Once she had finished her drawing, and she was letting the paper dry, her eyes involuntarily covered with mist, blurring her vision as she wondered if her friends would ever forgive her. _Would Jubilee still think the same of me? And… could Scott still love me?_


	24. Where Is My Mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having found a new path, [Y/N] tries to make the most of her time and requite a kindness to her friends.

Winter had fully turned into spring for a while now. There weren’t any cold days anymore, just sunny ones with a hint of freshness. It took [Y/N] some time before she was ready to share her watercolor drawing with the group and hand it over to Jean. She had put it off, because she was not ready to let go of the drawing, since that meant letting go of so much more. But the time had finally come, and she tried to put on her bravest face. 

The group came together in Jean’s room, like they had done many times before, and they had been chatting their evening away about boring classes, X-Men missions, and possible summer plans. [Y/N] listened quietly, quiet had become her normal these last couple of weeks, and the group tried to balance it out with funny anecdotes and stories of silly incidents or epic adventures.

“And then Kurt stole the cup right off of her plate with his tail.” Jubilee said whilst she tried to hold back her laughter.

“I don’t knov vat came over me. It vas zo unlike me.” Kurt mumbled. 

“It was hilarious.” Scott said, and Jean smiled in agreement. 

“Sure, sounds like it.” [Y/N] offered a small smile and the conversation died down again. 

The others looked at one another and their smiles slowly faltered as they wondered what to say next; they were running out of amusing stories. Jubilee casually raised her shoulders and changed into a more comfortable position on Jean’s bed. 

“I’m sorry, guys. I know I’m no fun to be around right now.” [Y/N] tried to make it better. 

“You’re loads of fun. Don’t worry about it.” Scott pulled her into his lap and softly graced her nose, before he pecked her on the lips. 

“Scott’s right. You don’t need to worry about it, [Y/N].” Jean said.

“Thanks, you guys. I, euhm, actually have something for you all - though technically it’s just for Jean.”

Jean raised her eyebrows in anticipation, and it made [Y/N] smile back genuinely. 

“You’ve been extremely patient. I gotta give you that.” [Y/N] moved away from Scott to carefully remove her drawing from the notebook in her bag. 

She took one more look at her drawing. The five of them were standing next to each other and it looked like they were posing for a picture. [Y/N] wanted to bring them to live by making it seem like they were in the middle of an action. Kurt had formed his hand into a peace sign and was smiling brightly, just like he did when he saw the drawing. Jean stood happily next to Kurt and held several books in her arms. _She studied way too often too_. Jubilee and [Y/N]’s arm were intertwined but Jubilee had stuck her tongue out whereas [Y/N]’s eyes were closed as she smiled. _Figured I’m a dork like that_. Scott was leaning on [Y/N]’s shoulder with another hand tucked away in his pocket and a small smile forming on his lips. 

“I hope I got everyone’s personality right.” [Y/N] said while she observed the reactions of her friends. 

“Oh, this is amazing, [Y/N]. Definitely worth the wait.” Jean beamed. 

“Yeah, I loffe it!” Kurt said. 

“I knew it was gonna be great.” Jubilee said, and Scott just smiled at her proudly. 

“Aw, thanks, guys. You all mean a lot to me… and I hope I was able to put that in the drawing. I hope you can see that.” 

“Oh, of course ve zee it.” Kurt said.

“Good…” [Y/N] grew quiet again, but a smile remained on her face for the rest of their evening. 

 

—————————————

 

“Are you ok, babe? You were acting kinda weird the other day with the group.” He finally asked her once they arrived at their destination. 

“Ah, you caught that, huh? Always so sharp-eyed, my Cyclops.” She gave him a quick kiss and walked deeper into the woods. 

He smiled when he heard his mutant name on her lips so teasingly, “You didn’t answer my question.” He followed her.

“We can talk about that later. Come on, I’ve got a surprise for you.” She flashed a smile from ear to ear, then pulled him by his arm until they arrived at an open ground densely encircled by pine trees. 

“Oh, wow. This is beautiful.” He looked around. 

The path that led them to the open ground disappeared behind the branches and leaves of the closely set trees, and the further they walked into the open the land the more they felt closed off from the rest of the world. The open land was covered in evergreen grass with delicate plumes that gave off iridescent shades of golden, silver and purple. [Y/N] spun around and took a deep breath, taking in the beauty of her surroundings; the ground seemed to change when she looked at it from different angles. 

“How did you find this?” He wondered out loud.

“A friend told me about this place. Figured I’d save it for a special occasion.” 

“Today’s a special occasion? Did I forget about something?” He diverted his attention back to her. 

“No, I just wanted to do something… nice.” She held his hands and slightly swayed them from side to side.

“What’s that?” He gave her a big smile. 

“It requires a lot of trust on your part, though.” 

“What does that mean?” She could see his eyebrow peek out from behind his sunglasses, and she had to laugh. 

“Not so trusting, huh?” She gave a small smile. 

“You just tend to misbehave a lot.” **–** He pulled her closer to place a soft kiss on her lips **–** “Now tell me more.”

“I came across a mutant at the mall.” She rested her hand on his chest. 

“Oh?” He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. 

“He, euhm, was doing something peculiar.”

“What was he doing?” His hand slid to her neck, where he gently rested it. 

“He was helping a fellow mutant, but that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point then?” He pecked her lips, unintentionally distracting himself. 

“Hm, the point is I obtained his power.” 

He was paying attention again, “His power? What power?”

“How about you close your eyes, and I’ll show you?”

“Alright…” He said cautiously. 

“Are they closed? You promise?” She moved her free hand towards his face. 

“I promise.”

Her fingers carefully touched the temple of his sunglasses, and he instinctively pulled away from her arms holding on to his shades tightly. 

“What are you doing?” His voice sounded alarmed. 

She took a step towards him again, and he furrowed his brows. “Come on, Scott. You can trust me. It’s ok. Let me do this.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” His body tensed up as she her hand slithered from his arm, back to his chest, positioning itself on his heart.

“You won’t. I know you won’t. I promise you.”

He breathed in deeply, and her other hand traveled to his neck while she planted soft, loving kisses on his lips. 

“Close your eyes,” She whispered, and she brought her hand to the temple of his sunglasses again. “Are they closed?” 

“Yes.” 

She slid the temple from behind his ear cautiously. When it got tangled in his thick brown hair, he tensed his jaw for a second and brought his hand to hers, steadying her hand to help remove his shades. His eyes were shut tightly, and she smiled at the sight. This was the most of his face she had ever seen, and she wanted to savor the moment. His lashes were longer than she had imagined countless times, and he had a bit of darkness under his eyes. _Probably from all the hard work he does for the professor, then school, then for me_. She stood on her toes and placed her hands on his shoulders, so she could reach his face and press her lips against his closed eyes and he exhaled a gulp of air that he was holding in.

“Just relax,” She whispered as she planted a longer kiss on his lips. His reaction was tentative, but she could feel him loosen up slowly against her body. “That’s it.”

She brushed her lips against his again, “Now open your eyes.” 

“What?” Confusion was written all over his face, and for the first time she could read it. 

“Open your eyes.”

“No, [Y/N]. You know I can’t.”

“You can. That new ability I picked up… it means you can. I promise. Open your eyes.” 

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

She could see the movement behind his closed eyelids. Slowly he opened them, and as soon as he noticed her face, he realized he didn’t see the world in shades of red anymore. His eyebrows disappeared into his hair, and his mouth fell open in shock. 

“How is this possible?” He was stunned.

“You know how. I obtained the powers of a mutant who can take away other mutant’s powers. Temporarily. I tested it, secretly.” 

“This is - how do you do it?”

“By touch.” She squeezed his chest, and he kissed her in response. 

“I-I can’t believe this. You” **–** He kissed her again **–** “you look so beautiful.”

He gazed at each of her facial features for several seconds, before he moved on to another feature for him to admire. The hand that rested on her neck had moved up to her face, so it could languidly linger on her face. She, in turn, could not stop studying his deep blue eyes. They reminded her of the darkness found in the depths of an ocean, and her immediate pull into his eyes frightened her as much as it pained her. _The things I would consider giving up for those mesmerizing eyes._ Her motivation for surprising him like this was not entirely selfless. Just as much as she wanted to bestow him with this momentous occasion, a gift very few people could give him, she also wanted to give herself the chance to look into those eyes. Those eyes that she knew had regarded her with so much love, desire, and respect for so many months, and so she needed to see what they looked like. Just once, so she could keep that memory as a remembrance. As a keepsake of their time together. She smiled as he so affectionally gazed back into her eyes, a kind smile resting on his face. 

“Absolutely beautiful. You’re radiating,” He repeated. 

A blush crept to her cheeks and she pressed her lips on his, suddenly feeling shy under his intense stare. 

“Looking at a girl like that is going to get you into trouble, you know.” She teased him while she thought of all the things she wanted to do to him. 

“Maybe I’m looking for trouble.” His voice became deeper, and he wrapped his arms around her body, demonstrating his attraction to her. 

Her face fell on his chest, and she bit her bottom lip. _Yup, definitely feeling it. Maybe we could do this. Be together. Just one last time._ As her own longing for him took over, she tried to use reason to make herself think this would be ok. She used her free hand to grab his, and walked with him towards the pine trees. W _e won’t be spotted here. I hope._ He never took his eyes away from her. 

“We have to keep touching the whole time,” She warned. 

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” **–** He gave her a cheeky smile that made his eyes glisten, and her heart melted **–** “but are you sure your concentration won’t waver?”

“It’s not about concentration, just touch.” She pushed him against the tree, and he raised his eyebrow. 

It was entertaining to see his face. She wondered what other kinds of faces he would make. Perhaps he was not as expressionless as she had thought. _Perhaps it really was just the glasses_. She didn’t get a chance to think too much when he brought their bodies together. Arms tangled and hands roaming around, quickly discarding layers of clothing. [Y/N] made sure she touched him at all times. He turned them around with her back now firmly pressed against the coarse tree, pushing into her skin, blending pleasure with pain. She tried to memorize every brush of his plump lips hastily, lovingly, against her skin, every stroke and caress of his long fingers and big hands as they seductively explored her body, the warmth and wetness of his tongue and the soft bite of his teeth marking her body as his; the pull of her hair so she would open up to him wider and he could ravish her mouth, the raising of her leg as he desperately tried to bury himself deeper inside of her with every agonizingly sweet thrust that brought them closer to their rapture, and their impending doom.

Knowing she would soon have to break things off with him only heightened the numerous mixed emotions she was going through, and as she reached her orgasm and relief was washing over her, the tears came rolling down her cheeks. Not a stranger to her tears when they made love, he kissed them away gently, brushing her hair with his fingers, whispering how much he loved her. She whimpered, hiding her face in his neck out of shame as he worked on his own climax. 

“Do you hurt?” He asked when he noticed the bruises that were beginning to form on her shoulder as she put her shirt back in place. 

“Hm?” She asked absentmindedly, unsure of what he meant since she no longer saw where his eyes were looking. 

“You’ve got bruises.” He touched her exposed shoulder. 

“Ah. Nothing I can’t handle.” She gave him a smile. 

He chuckled, and brought her hand to his lips. “You never seize to amaze me, [Y/N]. Thank you for the surprise. It was more than I could have ever asked for… to see the world like I used to… to know what you really look like without all the red tones. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, Scott. We still got some time. Wanna explore the area? See shades of green instead of red?”

“Hell yes! Who‘d have ever thought I’d be this enthusiastic about nature?” 

He was cheerful, and it filled her heart with joy. Hand in hand they wandered across the open field. His sunglasses resided in the pocket of his jeans, and he tried to take in as much of her and his surroundings as he could. He was all smiles and full of stories, and she listened to him attentively, not once interrupting him. When he started talking about how beautiful the nature was in his hometown, and about how he could not wait to take her there during their summer holiday, to show her around town and have her meet his family, his mother especially was dying to see her, she started to visibly break down again. 

“[Y/N]?” **–** He suddenly stopped talking **–** “Are you ok?”

She just nodded her head, motioning him to go on with his story. 

“What is it, [Y/N]? You’ve been acting weird for days. Will you tell me?”

The day was coming to its end, and she knew she could not delay the inevitable any longer. Shewiped away her tears, and sighed deeply as she looked at their intertwined fingers, then said, “I-I was just thinking of my mother.” 


	25. I'm Coming Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it mean to say goodbye to everything you once knew? [Y/N] makes a heartbreaking decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small suggestion: to refresh your memory you could read the first couple of paragraphs from the first chapter. **Happy reading!**

The sky gradually darkened, turning day into night, and she could feel the uncomfortable cold creeping underneath her clothing, spreading all over her body and making the hairs on her arms stand up. Unsure of what was going on, Scott removed the shades from the pocket of his jeans and put them on again, “What were you thinking about exactly?” 

“After she was… after my mom’s death, I just got to thinking a lot. Even before that, really.”

“About what?”

“About mutants. About our position in this world… About how Professor Xavier teaches us to deal with our position. About how I don’t agree with it.”

“What don’t you agree with?” He held her hand in-between his.

“My parents were simple people. They were kind and simple people. They didn’t deserve to be harassed the way they were solely because their daughter is a bit different.”

He remained quiet so she could continue her thoughts. 

“The professor’s philosophy teaches that we should live among humans peacefully, but how can we do that when we keep playing by their discriminatory and hateful rules? When there is this persistent belief that there is something wrong with us - that we should be feared, when in fact it is _them_ who spread the nastiness and terror. We’re the ones who are expected to fit in, while they’re the ones who keep excluding us.” 

“We need to educate the people. They will come around again. Mystique did it once, and we will keep doing it. No matter how long it takes.” His voice was steady and certain. 

“We’ve been through this before, Scott. You know I don’t agree. I don’t think that will happen. It seems futile. I don’t know how to believe in the professor’s ways anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I need to leave.”

“Leave?” He immediately interrupted her. 

“Yes. I’ve been doing research on Magneto and Mystique for a long time now, and I need to find more mutants who think like them. It is the only thing that makes sense right now. My life at the X-Mansion perished the day my mother did. I need more. I need something else… I need meaning, Scott. Her death must have some meaning.”

“You’re leaving… the mansion? Me?”

She nodded at his confused words, and tears started to well up again.

“I don’t understand.” 

She sniffed slightly, trying to fight her emotions. “What happened to my mother showed me that there no longer is any hope. Mutants, and even their human affiliations, are clearly not seen as worthwhile members in this human society. We do not matter to them. My mother did not matter to them. And so they do not matter to me.”

“You sound spiteful, [Y/N].”

“I am fucking spiteful. Can you blame me?”

“No.”

The silence that occurred next was like a poison that dripped its way into their blood and immobilized their bodies. The dying down of their voices made the hissing of the wind more noticeable, and that venomous stillness slowly slithered into their minds. 

“Are you going to hurt the people who caused your mother’s death?”

“They deserve it.”

“What about their families then? What about the rest of the humans? Do they deserve your wrath too?”

“I won’t harm anyone… not unless they harm me.”

“Do you even hear yourself right now?! Don’t you see that violence won’t do any good?!” He was growing frustrated with her attitude. 

“Pretending they will accept us just like that and live peacefully with us - that won’t do any good. There needs to be more affirmative action. And I will no longer hide myself.”

“You won’t have to hide with us, [Y/N].” He pleaded now.

“But you also want me to repress what I believe to be true. I can’t stand for that. Not anymore. I’m sorry, Scott. You’re foolish to think that the X-Men will make a difference when you let the humans walk all over us.” 

“Aggressive attacks will only lead to more fear. Violence only breeds violence.” 

“I told you that’s not what I thi- I will not go quietly anymore, Scott. We want the same thing, but I just don’t agree with how professor Xavier or the X-men go about it. There’s really no point in debating this any further.” 

“What about me then? What about my situation? My brother was killed too, you know. It wasn’t at the hands of humans, but by another mutant. There are good and bad humans and mutants everywhere.”

“I know. That was wrong. En Sabah Nur was wrong. I’m sorry, Scott. But this is a bigger problem than just good and bad humans. It’s about a certain mindset that these people have… I don’t know what else to say. I know I won’t change your mind, but you won’t change mine either… ”

“And us? What about us? What about today? Was that just some cruel and twisted joke? Make me see you, the world, like that… let us… _do the things we did_ … Give me _everything_ I wanted only to take it all away?” He took a step away from her.

“No! I love you, Scott! I love you so much. You’ve no idea how much this hurts.” Her heart was beating out of her chest, her stomach was as tight as a knot, and guilt washed over her.

“I think I have an idea.” He was cold. 

“You’ve made me unbelievably happy, Scott… You mean everything to me. I could not ask for a more wonderful boyfriend, but now, after my mother, it’s not enough.”

He was quiet again. While he searched for words himself, words to make her stay, she wondered about his eyes. _Were they pleading? Were they welled up like hers? Or were they as cold and distant as his posture seemed?_ It took all her strength to have this conversation with him without caving in, but she knew that she had to let go of him. She knew that their beliefs would only work against them the longer they stayed together, so she took solace in the fact that it would hurt less this way. _Though it fucking hurt right now too_. But she knew she had to make these sacrifices. 

“Tell Jubilee I love her, and that I never meant to abandon her.” This time she broke the silence. 

His jaw tensed up, but he did not answer. 

“Please, Scott. I know you don’t owe me anything, but if you could please tell her that.” She reached for his hand, and held it to her chest as she stepped towards him.

“I-I… will,” He said feeling defeated. 

She noticed the dejected droop of his shoulders; he looked broken. His face was in the direction of their entwined hands, the ones touching her chest. She felt the butterflies in the pit of her stomach again and wanted to do nothing more than comfort him. _How am I going to do this?_ She swallowed deeply and took another step towards him. 

“I don’t know how to say goodbye to you, [Y/N].” **–** His jaw tensed up again as she pressed their arms together against their chests **–** “I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose you.” He rested his chin on her head as he looked up, trying to keep his feelings at bay, and he freed his arm to move it around her body, doing his damnedest to hold on to her for as long as he could.

“I don’t know how to do this either, Scott.” She barely got out as she looked up at him and he leaned down to press his lips against hers frantically, hoping this might somehow sway her. He urgently pushed his tongue inside her mouth to find hers and convince her that she should stay; that they would be able to make it work despite their growing differences. This was not the time for patience or romance, but for urgency and convincing. He pulled her body closer to him, and she instinctively melted around his strong and warm arms as the teardrops finally escaped from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. The wetness against his face only encouraged him on, and he deepened the kiss and breathed against her warm lips and cold tears, causing her to shiver in his arms while he held her even tighter. 

“Oh, Scott.” She whimpered into the kiss, but he shushed her and stroked her back.

“I love you so much, [Y/N]. Please don’t leave. Don’t leave _me_.” His lips lingered next to hers, and he concurrently gave her small, soft kisses as he attempted to make her see reason. 

“Scott…” **–** His hand traveled to her face to cup her chin while he kept kissing her **–** “I love you too…” She whispered when he allowed the space in between their lips. “But I told you I can’t stay. I’m sorry.” **–** she freed herself from his desperate arms and took several steps back **–** “I’m _so_ sorry.” And with those final words, she mustered up the courage to turn around and run out of his life. 

 

—————————————

 

That was the last time she spoke to him, the last time she saw him in person, the last time he allowed her to touch and kiss him, but it was not the last time she heard him. She almost ran into him a couple of years later during a reconnaissance mission for Magneto’s group, but once she heard that familiar voice travel through the unlocked quarters, she immediately searched for a wall to hide behind. She could not believe that she was afraid to face him - cowardly she moved away from the X-men so she would not have to be confronted with him and his possible reaction towards her. Her wounds were no longer fresh, but the cut had been deep, and she did not want to find out how she would have to pay for the pain she brought on them both. 

The recollections of their times together still weigh heavy on her and a nagging feeling inside of her becomes apparent again. Now that she hovers above the X-men, above her former boyfriend and old best friend, above the people to whom she hastily or never said goodbye to -never offered an explanation to-, the uneasiness comes back to her. She is glad that the darkness surrounds them all, because it means she can still sequester herself from their determined eyes, but she knows she will be physically confronted with at least some familiar faces. _There’s no turning around this time_. An unwelcome tear falls down her cheek, and she quickly wipes it away. _I’ve come much further. I can be above the sentiment_ , she told herself. _Leaving them had been the right choice after all_. She was able to make a difference, to fight for those who could not for themselves, and to stand tall and take pride in who and what she is, not bend over backward to fit in for humans who would never fully accept her. Yet as she lowered herself to the ground, to fall in line behind Magneto and come face-to-face with that all-too familiar visor, she could not help but wonder if it had been worth all the sacrifices she made along the way, and whether he hates her, still harbors a fondness for her, or -the outcome she fears the most- no longer cares about her. 

The heads of the opposing side look up, as her stiff figure becomes apparent while she slowly reaches the ground. Her face is veiled and expressionless, but she is on edge, and not just because a battle is about to begin; her body feels tense and she gulps when her old professor locks his eyes with hers. Her feet touch the ground and she rolls her shoulders back, trying to release some of her tension. Even now he could make her feel like a disappointment. She senses what a letdown she must have been for him. A mutant with so much potential, lost to his old friend. Right behind him stands Scott, and she tries to stay out of his line of sight whilst ensuring that the professor’s thoughts do not enter her mind. She does not need anymore mind-fucking tonight. 

Clearing her mind, she listens to the conversation that is taking place between Magneto and Charles. 

“Charles, you’ve always been an idealist, but this situation has grown out of your control. You see that, don’t you?”

“Erik, we need to carry on in peace.”

“It’s the time for action, and you’re either with me or against me.”

The same old story all over again. The conversation bores her, especially since she does not agree with being here in the first place. She does not actively wish to fight others of her kind, unless there is no other option. Magneto believes this to be the case, and so here she is. Begrudgingly. It is the path she chose years ago, and one she will stick with. _If only Magneto would get on with it_. She expresses her annoyance through an audible sigh, and she catches the attention from her leader, and several opposing members. When Scott’s face also moves in her direction, she experiences a sharp pang of pain then doubt. It’s coming from him. _Fuck_. 

‘ _[Y/N]? Is that you?’_ She hears him think as his body cautiously moves towards her. He is brought to a standstill in front of her when the professor says his name. He has barely changed. Besides the enhancement of his body and natural maturation, she finds him completely recognizable. That set jaw, that was now as tense as the rest of his body, is a sight she was very accustomed to. Memories of how she would slow down his busy mind and loosen up those strong muscles come rushing back. She feels sick to her stomach. 

“What the fuck? Is that _her_?” Jubilee walks towards Scott and deadpans [Y/N]. 

“Yes.” He says through locked teeth. 

She cannot look Jubilee in the eyes. Her former best friend stands next to Scott and removes her hands from the pockets of her yellow jacket. There is too much guilt. Her eyes are understandably angry, so [Y/N] looks at Scott’s visor instead. Under their intense gaze, she feels herself growing more nauseous, and she fears that she might heave on the spot. 

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Jubilee presses. 

“Yes, it’s me.” She finally answers their question, but shuts the rest of their distressing thoughts out of her head again. She does not want to find out what else they are thinking. She is not as above the sentiment as she would like to think, and now worries that it will make her lose her focus. _Hell, I already am unfocused_. 

“We’re not here for your personal soap drama, [Y/N].” Magneto snaps. 

“Just yours then?” She gives him a twisted smile. She cannot help herself. She always had the tendency to push people back when they push her. 

He ignores her remark, another thing she is accustomed to, and instead he commands his army of mutants to attack. She can feel the movement of the men and women coming from behind her, and the man in front of her shifts his weight and balls his fists, before looking at her again. 

“I don’t want to fight you, [Y/N].” His voice wavered.

“But I do.” Jubilee steps in for him, and ignites her pyrotechnic energy before unleashing it at full capacity in [Y/N]’s direction. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story has come full circle... with one open-ass ending. _I know. I apologize!_ Having said that, I can't **thank you** enough for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please do let me know what the experience was like for **you** via kudos and/or comments, and follow me on [tumblr](http://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com) or subscribe here on Ao3 for more on Scott... and who knows who/what else! Thank you!!


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